Lost in myself
Everything looks familiar but unfamiliar
Feeling like I'm loosing my mind
I know it's anxiety or a panic attack
I know I'm depersonalizing as a retreat
But I keep fighting to stay in the moment
But it's hard to stay in the moment when
The moment already feels foreign
Feeling like I'm going crazy
Going out if my mind
Worry kicks in even more
Even though I tell myself I'm fine
I don't feel fine.. I feel scared
I feel lost, I feel like a burden to those around me

friend
best friend
forever friend

where did you go
your warming presence
the glitter in your soul

where did you go
fear

so close to the sun
too frightened

shadows and storms protect you
encompass my aura
terror in your eyes

destruction in action
a shattered atmosphere
are you here?

dissociating
depersonalizing
disposing me

may your soul return soon
come back old friend

My brain has its own form of colorblindness
Refusing to see anything other than monochromatic shades of black or white
You're either something that i cannot possibly be around another minute
Or i don't want you to leave
It can go from content
To barely controlled anger
In a matter of seconds
But what's worse
Splitting or depersonalizing
How am i supposed to know when i mix them as often as others mix their drinks?
How can my own thought process be just as flawed as my vision?
How am i supposed to tell whether you hate me or not?
How do i think in anything other than extremes?

(the lore is dead. it perfumes my body. my body is a funeral home. the mourning in me)

god, i’ll be real. the lore isn’t dead. my body isn’t a funeral home. i’m depersonalizing. i’m half eaten. i’m entering my romcom era and my body is political. it doesn’t feel safe so i take my body home. i tell her hard truths. i feel bad doing it. she’s dumb. she’s like a baby. look what happened to her diary. how can she survive outside