Sometimes I forget that you are real. I forget that you aren't a fragment of my imagination and the curly haired boy I see out of the corner of my eye isn't a ghost. It's you.
Sometimes I forget that I didn't imagine that smell of old spice and olay body soap mixed together to form the perfect aroma that lingered a little too long on my clothes after I went home.
Sometimes I forget that I didn't dream of those picnic dates we had on your bed while you played video games and I slept in your lap.
I convinced myself that I made you up because it was easier than admitting that I pushed you away even when you told me that you didn't like comitment.
I try to forget yesterday. I don't want to think of the familiar feeling of my head in your lap and your hand on my back, tracing small circles... because that means intamacy. It means you still love me and we are stuck in this small void of forever and I love you.
I try to convince myself you aren't real.

Looking at these pictures of you
Wondering what I should do
Keep you in my heart,
Or try my best leave you
Should I take you in as mine
Your always on my mind
These thoughts of you are dim
I try and let the light shine
So supisous of comitment
Becuase your lips seem to be forbidden
I can't conceive my life without you
Tho, our invovlement seems to be contingent
Digging for emotions, this treasure is still hidden
Confused about this life, I only know I need forgiveness
I know about this pain, and the things I have to live with
I know you and I are constant, but We as one could be inconsistent
Please tell me that you know, that real emotions remain a mystery
That I love you for who you are, but I hate we don't have history
That these words I write are real, but spoken words are synthetic
That I take these shots of pain, only to clear my vision
That if I could stop this cycle I would surely end it
That I have no choice in what I'm doing, until its finished
That when I whispered that I love you, it was a proverb to my ignorance.
That I'll never leave your heart, even when you leave my vision.

A comitment
I will always guard your honour
I will always keep you safe
I will always stay true
Your happiness is all that matters
My soul belongs to you
My angel

The reason i trudge on
You  are  perfect

Ti amo mi princesa

I cant tell if you love me
and I don't think that you really need me
maybe its because your the first guy
who hasn't pressured me for his own wants

And I don't know If I love you.
It hurts me if I do
and it took me this long to contemplate
my own curled and entangled thoughts.

I know every morning I pray that
you will think of me
but I just can't see
me with you

I think I am afraid of comitment
and devoid of attachment
but how I plea with my heart to say
you and only you.

I want to be in love in the spring
I want you to see my face in the flowers
I want to hear your voice in a warm breeze
I want you to need me.

Some times I can't tell
if you even think I'm pretty.
Every guy who has
asked me to...

I hope that you relize that I
don't mean to hurt you,
at times I think that it would be
better for you to forget me

I want to love you
but I can't tell if I want you
or the attention that you give me.
I feel horrible for this all.
Like I'm using you because you enthrall
with my deepest desire to be
yearned  for.