I heard the world's loudest **** today
It echoed round the town enough to say
"I am a **** of great renown and fame,
I am a **** who's worthy of the name
Of  KING of FARTS!"  Unthinkingly I sniffed
And, let me tell you, I have never whiffed
Aught so potent, dank and dread and foul
Blasted out from heaving human bowel
As that king of farts I smelled today
And which took my ******* breath away.

Who was the pumper of that putrid beauty?
How many curries in the line of duty
Had he consumed?  It must have been a man -
No pong so strong ere blew from female can.
Can no one answer yet my urgent question:
And say who suffereth such dire indigestion?
O heavens! his torment must be something chronic.
Can no one subsidise a high colonic
Irrigation to prevent another
Noisier and more noisome than its younger brother?

Aesthetician stares deeply into the center of a tulip
            tears stream as we cry
         but the earth doesn’t
ethereal spectors flow about religion
        Washington did live in
a racecar, palindrome
*** Wisdom!
Meowth! I haven’t since the 90’s had a soul
estaban caresses his lover
his wife prepares
         a pineapple
                 tapeworms infest
****** inside of a colonic protestant
        whipped into shapely curves once withheld
                by the likelihood ferrari
Pro-lifers are only just a fad or fling
        cloudy like the soft color of pink
union between man and *****
Nicole smith I hope you go to
h
e
  l
   l
    Awesome is he with a fatty
slimeball
foil wrapped burger
SASQUATCH GONE WORLDWIDE
Santeria love making ends with regret! Nay, Disgust!

Oh Joy, Oh Great Heavens Above,
How I like to lingeringly slaver o'er
The fartleberries hanging humunguously
Out of your **** cleft like bunches of mouldering grapes,
And to gaze upon the lusciously stale shitstains
Decorating your hirsute ****-cheeks!
You so rarely wash and your dumps are omnipotent
And you are too mean to buy any **** wipes.

You moan quite loudly in colonic ecstacy
As I plumb the Stygian depths of your sit-upon place,
My nose diving daintily like a woodpecker's beak
Smeared with poo-bits, seeking Nirvana
In your ****** paradise, brown love-tunnel
Serenaded by the poets since Time began!
Nowhere in all the Hershey Universe can there be
A pongier rimmee than you, O unshaven beauty of mine!

My probing tongue is covered with nutty brown paste,
Your sweet excremental delight makes me drool
In joy, as I personhandle myself "down there";
Ignoring the most elemental rules of hygiene.
But sadly there is a fly in the ointment
Indeed a whole ******* barrelful of them:
Not only will I get a very nasty E-coli infection
But I'll have bad breath tomorrow at chapel.

It’s natural and yet I am told I think too much about it
Is it my weakness that my thoughts are drawn so to the ******?
Is it a sin that when I reflect on the fire ignited between our skins
my hips’ response is immediately so hypnotic
I tried to wash this burn from my body like a constipate would take a colonic
But I have resigned there’s not much that I can do about it
**** logic
I’ve already studied the ****** in your hips-- finding its reciprocal is my latest project
And will never forget to kick you down some Real Knowledge
Forever your Queen therefore my virtue remains solid
There is not another who dare lay finger pon it
Resigned to keep the reflection of my dejection so flawless
The dances done alone with two digits are so harmless
This used to subdue the need there always, regardless
But no one listens to a Woman, just trying to be Honest

We’re All Icons Now

Is there anything left that isn’t iconic?
Each sports hero, actress, and tummy-tonic

Now let The People say “iconic”

Each recipe and coffee colonic
And every writer said to be Byronic

And let the reviewer chant “iconic”

Famous lovers, ****** or platonic
Mountains and islands, and plates tectonic

And let The Newsies type “iconic”

Animals natural or bionic
All weather systems, calm or cyclonic

And let Mr. Meteor cry “iconic!”

Every magazine is stuffed with “iconic”
Which any Byzantine would find ironic

And let the Romans cry “three dimensions!”

Wait...dimensions…declensions…these don’t rhyme with iconic…

Oh, and don’t forget that for every reviewer every writer weaves that same old  layered tapestry of…something or other

And when you go home tonight just be sure to hug your children

from all identical to nothing identical
many exceptions to no exceptions
eventually deduced from the above
all deductions being eventual
that to have a spirit there must be suffering
now for the latest in strong arm technology
The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics estimates
that 13,013 food industry workers lost limbs
or other body parts in 2002 or was that 1001 ha ha
could make the butcher into a holy man
a 19th century ideology will do that to you
what this nation needs for **** certain
is a political high colonic with legs akimbo
he was from a long line of puzzle junkies
the trailer trash intelligentsia
bleeders dwarfs and lap dance assassins
in from the cold but still shivering
his autonomous mind shallow in a good way
no you’re right that is not possible
his recliner chair was his best friend
growing old and senile and blind
sitting for hours in the back yard
thistle weeds growing up around his car seat
the sun finally warmed his wondering body
and chrome towing ball head
run off the road from self examination
wailing an alert outward in all directions
setting fire to news vans ******* on reporters
for keeping us blind and stupid
the only thing not hypothetical is right now
where they ****** their own truth seekers
because the truth belongs to no one
yah they killed a lot of angels to get here
sure as the jitney starts and stops
but since the struggle is no longer for survival
that should tell you something
existence is apparently making a point
it's a tin can with a wire handle
God has mocked you a thousand times
well ding **** mock him back
and attain your victory through semiotics
you know the imperial rhetorical
more missing teeth every time
seeing two objects because you got two eyes
will work the hourglass to a standstill
his bruised face was a horrifying presence
basically I did it to make myself laugh
utilizing the latest Child of Defiance plug in

From "Engine of Didactic Beauty" available on Amazon

from all identical to nothing identical
many exceptions to no exceptions
eventually deduced from the above
all deductions being eventual
that to have a spirit there must be suffering
now for the latest in strong arm technology
The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics estimates
that 13,013 food industry workers lost limbs
or other body parts in 2002 or was that 1001 ha ha
could make the butcher into a holy man
a 19th century ideology will do that to you
what this nation needs for **** certain
is a political high colonic with legs akimbo
he was from a long line of puzzle junkies
the trailer trash intelligentsia
bleeders dwarfs and lap dance assassins
in from the cold but still shivering
his autonomous mind shallow in a good way
no you’re right that is not possible
his recliner chair was his best friend
growing old and senile and blind
sitting for hours in the back yard
thistle weeds growing up around his car seat
the sun finally warmed his wondering body
and chrome towing ball head
run off the road from self examination
wailing an alert outward in all directions
setting fire to news vans ******* on reporters
for keeping us blind and stupid
the only thing not hypothetical is right now
where they ****** their own truth seekers
because the truth belongs to no one
yah they killed a lot of angels to get here
sure as the jitney starts and stops
but since the struggle is no longer for survival
that should tell you something
existence is apparently making a point
it's a tin can with a wire handle
God has mocked you a thousand times
well ding **** mock him back
and attain your victory through semiotics
you know the imperial rhetorical
more missing teeth every time
seeing two objects because you got two eyes
will work the hourglass to a standstill
his bruised face was a horrifying presence
basically I did it to make myself laugh
utilizing the latest Child of Defiance plug in

From "Engine of Didactic Beauty" available on Amazon

You are the Reaper
Shrieking like a ******* Jesus whistle
Peaking modulation
Static wavelengths
Optical audio
Sprawling an obdurate declaration
It's magnitude rattles and unroost every soul from it's bearer
Stumbling hypothetically into the squalid depths of your throat

In the bowels of the beast
A slurry of dullards
All enveloping semi solid
Humanity fleeting; devoured
Catalyst ignition
Miasma emissions
Bloating percolation
Colonic pressurization
Vile vat; critical mass

Rendering a smear in your ***
***** mash
Slipping friction
Reeking rash reckonings
Incessant itching
Persistent *******

Hold on....

I can be perfect from now on

Immaculate trash
Deeply compact
Density; supernova
Unnoticeable until bursting from the center
Stellar spectacular

What do you see?

The twinkles surrounding where I used to be

from all identical to nothing identical
many exceptions to no exceptions
eventually deduced from the above
all deductions being eventual
that to have a spirit there must be suffering
now for the latest in strong arm technology
The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics estimates
that 13,013 food industry workers lost limbs
or other body parts in 2002 or was that 1001 ha ha
could make the butcher into a holy man
a 19th century ideology will do that to you
what this nation needs for **** certain
is a political high colonic with legs akimbo
he was from a long line of puzzle junkies
the trailer trash intelligentsia
bleeders dwarfs and lap dance assassins
in from the cold but still shivering
his autonomous mind shallow in a good way
no you’re right that is not possible
his recliner chair was his best friend
growing old and senile and blind
sitting for hours in the back yard
thistle weeds growing up around his car seat
the sun finally warmed his wondering body
and chrome towing ball head
run off the road from self examination
wailing an alert outward in all directions
setting fire to news vans ******* on reporters
for keeping us blind and stupid
the only thing not hypothetical is right now
where they ****** their own truth seekers
because the truth belongs to no one
yah they killed a lot of angels to get here
sure as the jitney starts and stops
but since the struggle is no longer for survival
that should tell you something
existence is apparently making a point
it's a tin can with a wire handle
God has mocked you a thousand times
well ding **** mock him back
and attain your victory through semiotics
you know the imperial rhetorical
more missing teeth every time
seeing two objects because you got two eyes
will work the hourglass to a standstill
his bruised face was a horrifying presence
basically I did it to make myself laugh
utilizing the latest Child of Defiance plug in

From "Engine of Didactic Beauty" available on Amazon

Tagline: There's always a commotion in his trousers. He suffers from extreme, excessive flatulence which is not only offensive to the nose and ears, but destructive to those around him. His gaseous emissions have been known to destroy houses and other hard-surfaced articles, as well as injure people. He is always apologetic, and constantly reminds people that his colonic expulsions are beyond his control -- despite his insistence on "keeping to a strict pump diet," which often includes beans and "cabbage water." In Viz 166 (June/July 2007), Johnny was forced by his father to attend a lecture on global warming, presented by none other than Al Gore, so that he would learn about the impact his farting was having on the environment. When Johnny intentionally farted during the applause for Gore (so that nobody would hear it), the former Vice President became violently ill, causing Johnny to observe that Gore was now "greener" than his environmental message.

Tagline: There's always a commotion in his trousers. He suffers from extreme, excessive flatulence which is not only offensive to the nose and ears, but destructive to those around him. His gaseous emissions have been known to destroy houses and other hard-surfaced articles, as well as injure people. He is always apologetic, and constantly reminds people that his colonic expulsions are beyond his control -- despite his insistence on "keeping to a strict pump diet," which often includes beans and "cabbage water." In Viz 166 (June/July 2007), Johnny was forced by his father to attend a lecture on global warming, presented by none other than Al Gore, so that he would learn about the impact his farting was having on the environment. When Johnny intentionally farted during the applause for Gore (so that nobody would hear it), the former Vice President became violently ill, causing Johnny to observe that Gore was now "greener" than his environmental message.

Tagline: There's always a commotion in his trousers. He suffers from extreme, excessive flatulence which is not only offensive to the nose and ears, but destructive to those around him. His gaseous emissions have been known to destroy houses and other hard-surfaced articles, as well as injure people. He is always apologetic, and constantly reminds people that his colonic expulsions are beyond his control -- despite his insistence on "keeping to a strict pump diet," which often includes beans and "cabbage water." In Viz 166 (June/July 2007), Johnny was forced by his father to attend a lecture on global warming, presented by none other than Al Gore, so that he would learn about the impact his farting was having on the environment. When Johnny intentionally farted during the applause for Gore (so that nobody would hear it), the former Vice President became violently ill, causing Johnny to observe that Gore was now "greener" than his environmental message.