You've had to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders your whole life. It's always been up to you to fix things, to make everything right, and correct others mistakes. You've had to put up with so much. You've always put others first instead of  taking care of your self. You do your best to be a good person. You try your hardest not to lose faith but it's so hard.  You wonder why God would put you through so much, or why he would allow bad things to happen to you. Well, I know how you feel. I have been through all of this, and wondered the same thing. It didn't make any sense to me? If God wants us to be happy, why does he let these bad things happen? I beleve it's because although God wants us to be happy, he also wants us to be humble.  We will never fully understand why he does what he does. But i do understand that from suffering comes humility.  Humility teaches us to be humble. All of the bad things that have happened in my life, have taught me to never take a single breath for granted. To always cherish what God has given me. I have learned to see the good that evolves from the bad. I believe that God has a plan for all of us. A specific road that he wants us to be on, and sometimes when something bad happens, it's God leading us back to that road. Maybe whatever it was, was leading you astray. I have learned to thank God for my bad days as well as my good. Because I know that without the bad days, I could never truly appreciate the good ones.  Never give up hope. Never lose faith. God doesn't give us more than we can handle.

What do I have to do for you to trade me tears for water
No I don't need to wash my face
No no no that's not the case
I hold my bucket tight to my chin never to miss a drop
Been trying for years but still I can't stop
Everday there is a new pain to add on to yesterdays
That's wat makes it so hard for me to dry my face
Death everytime I turn n the news
Babies having babies I am just confused
Racial and gang violence still seems to exist
I know you gave me a napkin but this one is drenched
Mothers fighting daughters and fathers killing sons
Young kids not even teens to school they are bringing guns
My heart is heavy for this place called the USA
I'm sorry did I just hear you say that you had water
My eyes red, nose stuffed, and face is just flustered
These drops of sympathy passes my chin and I hear it drio
My bucket is getting full heart is heavy and eyes are stiff
Can I trade you tears for water
Now I know you took your hard earned money
From your hard earned job
And brought that poland spring
But I am running out of tears and there is no more fluid in me
I have cried so much its been days since I have ***'d
Now don't laugh as if what I say you don't beleve
Today just when I thought I could finally dry my eyes
I cane home to emptyness and again my soul cried
She left me again gone in the wind
Opps I missed my bucket now my tear is smeared with this ink pen
Can I trade you tears for water
Tears for water I don't need much
Just enuff to finish feeling this bucket up
No matter how happy I try to be
These tears keep on leaking from inside of me
So can I trade you tears for water because my insides are dry
I need that water so I can replenish my body so I can continue to cry
Please tell my you would trade me tears for water

Beyond chaos and void.

You say you do not ponder a haunting memory
Or beleve that reflections give comfort
Because not even some thinking thing
Is broken off from the pantheist
Liberated from humanity by existense itself
All the knowns and the unknowns
Display a disposition to bend
Ergo my costume consumes neutralty
And darkness is never as invisible
As my spectral thought.

My feelings spark up and the words that want to form
are stuck behind the barrier at the end of my tongue.
...They are trapped.

The things I want to tell you, will never make sense in your world.
Because your world does not consist of 3am calls
from the past telling you that your futue will repeat history.

See my world has sarin rain.
And instead of breathing in oxygen,
I breathe in cynide.
So the next time you wonder why im choking on the words that will never form,
remember that im dying on the inside.
Dying to tell you that I melt from your touch.
Dying to tell you I miss you withought being to eager.
Dying to make things go back to the way they were
Cause even for a minute, just one minute when you told me you loved me,
I wanted not myself but for you to mean it.

Yet you do not love me.
You thought you loved me.
You knew how easy I would fall into your arms
and make every problem you ever had disapear
without there being any residue.
All it ever was, was that I was your worn out cloth only to be torn and used again and again and again.
So do not tell me you love me...because I will beleve you and lose myself all over again.