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FIRST

Be it a girl, or one of the boys,
It is scarlet all over its avoirdupois,
It is red, it is boiled; could the obstetrician
Have possibly been a lobstertrician?
His degrees and credentials were hunky-dory,
But how's for an infantile inventory?
Here's the prodigy, here's the miracle!
Whether its head is oval or spherical,
You rejoice to find it has only one,
Having dreaded a two-headed daughter or son;
Here's the phenomenon all complete,
It's got two hands, it's got two feet,
Only natural, but pleasing, because
For months you have dreamed of flippers or claws.
Furthermore, it is fully equipped:
Fingers and toes with nails are tipped;
It's even got eyes, and a mouth clear cut;
When the mouth comes open the eyes go shut,
When the eyes go shut, the breath is loosed
And the presence of lungs can be deduced.
Let the rockets flash and the cannon thunder,
This child is a marvel, a matchless wonder.
A staggering child, a child astounding,
Dazzling, diaperless, dumbfounding,
Stupendous, miraculous, unsurpassed,
A child to stagger and flabbergast,
Bright as a button, sharp as a thorn,
And the only perfect one ever born.

SECOND

Arrived this evening at half-past nine.
Everybody is doing fine.
Is it a boy, or quite the reverse?
You can call in the morning and ask the nurse.
Nat Lipstadt Apr 2020
~for yocum~
<>

the quality of commitment is not
restrained by quantity, nor by size,
impressed by nylon sheerest volume,
avoirdupois grams, Imperial weight,
steeled feathers, immeasurable, one ton
tips no true scale into red lined sincerity

the necessary respectful silences it requires,
the social nearness of geo-distancing,
all need prodigal acceptance,
like a long lost son, welcomed without questioning

we flawed, banded by many weaknesses, poorly confessed,
yet, no excuses tendered, to it, long ago surrendered,
but understand this, constancy is  not judged
by the frequency of our waves, but by the fervor of an

undertow of unwavering constancy

one that unceasingly rages, beneath superficial, steady waves,
and through the thickened, roughed old skin separating atmospheres,
I have grasped your heartened essence man,
found its depths, blessed it with words, you’ve never fathomed

surely you will growl at this, claiming obfuscation,
excuses not in your vocabulary, nor should it be,
though you require the steady reassurance of frequent brevity

so and yet, but and still,

I deny your claims, what you think, incorrect,
cause I know my heart, and well it kens what lays in thine,
what’s in yours is in mine, deep planted, a full nut grove flowering,
your complaints, mine as well, all part parceled, with grace accepted

for what is friendship but the path
through parted seas, joining two borders,
the best part of that is the landed connectivity,
leading to where we two ends,
meet in laughing two-gether
old fools, younger-then-than-now,
committed, grumpy men.
Klaus Jan 2019
It's a wonderful day.
So I drink.
Skies are grey when the son is
away.

I'm on the brink of tears.
'cause my pen's out of ink.
I need ritalin with a beer. 


You'll say  I've  wasted my years.

But who cares if my brain's purée?
This is my life and I don't need it anyway.

January first, I'm out with the boys.
Oh the Joys of avoirdupois.
Bowing to the sink.
The Popped collars on our polos, salmon pink.
We drink until we can't think.

She'll  take my kid away.
I can't live a single man life.
I still need to pay.
No man's lonely without a wife.
I'll visit next birthday.

An unskilled worker's pride,
Always fills the void inside.

Dole squad can catch me.
I won't have pay no fee.




New year, same me.
Happy 2019.
Love you.
Thomas Andrews Jul 2015
To implode under the avoirdupois that is sagacious in the world of there being no Bach; an aurora has arisen in hope of volition.
I see it's April, 700 years from now & church is in full swing. People are singing their praises for Jesus, due to return any moment now. The apocalypse is nighly {that means nearly} here, if prophesy holds firm. The end-times & the signs are undeniable. There shall be strife, rumor of war, blood on the moon, the mark of the beast, rapture. Jesus will reign over Earthly affairs a thousand years {any 21st century faith-shaking momentum has petered out.}
   Once I'm bunched no better than ****** on a ****-house floor
you won't push so ******* me. If I live to 50, heaven forfend,
twenty-five millionths times a hundred fifty-two scraps of a
pound avoirdupois you'll sigh a pitiable one, a nuance of
a touch reminiscent of primer wife.
   My ultra ****, ulterior & backwise, I love you more than Mexicans love pizza, blacks do whites, America & her justice. It's April, it's Brasil y Colombia, it's me & you: ultra ****, cuntier than average, unreadable, unwilling, unsavory. If I could, I'd sell you for salvage or forage, or at a bulk rate.
   My bulbous nays are more lovely since pregnancy took
over upping milk production. Now I'm less sinful than
grateful, ½ drunk w/power & remembrance, less testy,
less cunty, more rambunctious & flavor-ready.
   As I've imbibed an ant's worth of spirits, I **** widely, consuming life-needy oxygen. It's cardiac time and flop-overs are everyplace. It's telepathy gone ****-ways wrong. Washington used to **** constantly—he almost killed himself several times.
   I could find myself writhing @ the wiener factory, as the floor is well-oiled & my knees are smooth & youthless. It would turn my life into a hot-doggish holiday romp thru sausage land. I could become teachish & instruction-weary. People might as well flock my way as had sheep when Jesus was cracking sassy, agitating Romans, destroying the good will of money-changers. Let us camp upon the hillsides, far removed from **** & partake the lushness of scrubless jungle trim.
   As a man I have feminine needs no wiener-factory tour
can address. I've dated plenty with many a heartrending
scene. Come down, bedded with a woman of divergent
stock, I find myself waxing philosophic. I burn daylight
with niceties, I placate & ween fair blessing.
  One man in Italy can't stop the way things Italian are. He could beseech the embassy until his pizza burns for all the good that'd do.
   I've been hard-pressed before. I've conquered my fears,
made peace with feminine needs, broke down, married
women, begat a child, sold items cheaply from the front yard.
   I could make friends with cops, and give up firemen.
{Kiss my ****, I'm just out of the bath.}
   I swoon under candlelight, by the fireside, smacked around with brass knuckles, throttled w/i an inch of precious lifestyle. Caught unawares, smitten by professional drain, I baffle taunters. Ultra ****: querulous ****; wild whomp; mine-mount...
   As a man I've found myself wobbling on skates.
At times, hurried, later because of not acting now.
   Oh U.C. {ultra ****}, can't you hear me: probing, tunneling, examining w/o license, for no better reason? I'm wide-ruled, I'm college-ruled, I'm 70 sheets @ 10½  x 8, I'm your best friend {you're allowed one: best}. Let's go somewhere, let's stay put, let's stick to your story for a change. I like some things illegal but I don't make a big deal about it.
   A girlfriend likes a nip, as when her bra's forgotten. She
gains nothing but trinkets. She owes her life to good-living
& self-assuredness. You can't dredge her backwaters, it's
easier to tuck. After all, what does it all mean anyway?
   It's wrong to covet the neighbor's wife but equally, it's wrong for her to covet my hairy ***. A neighbor may know no shame. Her mammae displayed keenly, its valley, the roundness & summits. She may stoop to pick up car keys or dance to the mail box, the breeze catching her frilly skirt, rain dampening all that's decent.
   One man can condemn her, another be jailer. I love
thy neighbor as thyself. So far I've got nothing
against her, nay nothing on her either.
Ken Pepiton Aug 2022
"that which is longed for"
Earth hears thunder constantly, nothing to fear,
stop telling your children
to respect old lies,
confabulations,
at their level best, we all do it, lie,
and create horror stories, from horror,
said to be unbelievable,
you know, we say, I know, I know, you know
you don't, I might,
- wanna vet?
that is the game, nothing is on the line, nihilism
facing a faction from
idealism, enacting roles un imaginable only 8 years ago,
-do or die, real life
being more than mud by now, some how

unimagined, or uniimagined as well, unit me to unit you.
Awe, a we, a form informed nonconformist common sense.
---- listen, thunder in my hills
clicks in time, rolling thunder review reviewed,
I was not there
at the time,
I was nowhereman, the subconscious super me,
the lone watchmen,

what of the night?
When, we wonder, where we are is at a common
altitude, familiar currents caress my home valley,
Long Valley Mountain guards my southern flank,
while some seven or eight sets, rising on thirds,
Stonewall in the Lagunas, holds the north

big-endian, little-endian, some body laid this, egg,
- the bubble of all we both think, look both ways
U-turns are not penance.
32.8 north ~ 116. something west. Close enough.

The rest is…
bound to occur, hmm, who shall know, whom
from comes the call to ring the bell.

{a ring, like the round, brought to you, by Pabst,
Blue ribbon beer, just beer, nothing fancy,
then it gets some props. Due respect,
on the MTV ad background, what's that old man drinkin'/

That recipe, evolved to this by 2022, you see.

Say true, sweet tea, base about 2 cups,
one heaping spoon full of white sugar
from some process mastered by machines,
maintained by mechanics, now called engineers.

To the pre-iced tea, add a level teaspoon,
the little ones in the drawer, not the measuring kind,
keep a little mystery, dose y do flavor essences,
sweet and sour, salty dry,
Everclear, spoonful, from the jug,
floating six digitally measured ounces, avour de pois,

avoirdupois  - gooods by weight, spelchek cares less
ounces of volunteer kush from some odd hermaphroditist,
Dry as ash, steeped in a full whatever a  big bottle is,
these days, more than a liter, less than a gallon,
big bottle, six digitally exactly times 28 grams, ounces,

- soaked since last may, or so… what was
O, yeah, earlier,
I discovered time travel the pattern, same yesterday,
today
forever. People think about being stuck,
in a realm where evil disputes one's right to one's

frame of reference, is this still poetry, or outlaw prose?
Or the works, opera,
chorus and all/

Trix are for kids, we got the message, it was for us.
Final, code is from 1998,
Grandpa, this may not run but in Alzheimer too late,
outahere, state, yes. All the promises.

Pull the plug. And reboot, with the 2022 dupe.
Rainy days, and now paper airplanes, truth is, I am a lucky man,
to have lived so long, on one hope, we can always try. Some paper air planes can fly a little ways in the rain. I stand corrected.
Ah...a flood of memories wash over
this anointed Goatama Boo Da,
whose respected G.O.A.T status
among generic green acres,
which swathed across Highland Manor
analogous to petty coat junction
showcasing, jumpstarting and donning
a bright towering bewitched kid
barren regal deportment
proudly trumpeting himself
as Maga hatted apprentice
being mentored courtesy this ole buck,

where attendant goatherd didst ha
intimate diddly squat,
hence never did expect me
(an adept harried style swiftly tailored
windswept teary eyed pundit)
sentimentally woke evincing
young whipper snapper
metamorphosed into chargé d'affaires
exceeding wildest expectations
to apply goatee
to dab moistened eyes ma
lament tab lee recalling blissfully innocent
kickstarter libidinal oomph pa.

As a kid, this now middle aged old goat
silently bends back disbudding head
as if noggin didst float;
bleats, and thence
blinks back tears to emote,
asper remembrance of things past,
when me papa and late mama didst dote
via gently grooming my tattered raggedy coat
whereat patches of missing fur reveals bloat

head distended abdomen
no longer evinces picture
of mine prime head butting days
when unchecked chutzpah, daring do,
and exploratory forays
found this then runt
strayed far from the madding crowd
upon verdant fresh fields I didst graze
and sought out secluded cool shelter
from hot, humid summer haze,

where abundant bucking bronco energy
resorted, succumbed and tugged via natural
sluggish inertia and predilection to laze,
and oft times dreamt being trapped
within some M. C. Escher maze
given up for lost or...,when
n'er a reply from plaintive bleats,
whence upon awakening
bestowed ablutions to Billy Gotti goat,
(Latin Name Capra aegagrus hircus)
unstinting praise

groggy state elapsed with pleasant waft
of cooler August air
cloven hoofs confidently, gingerly,
and jerkily strode to espy clear
panoramic view when 'ere
afar off in the distance,
an indistinguishable glare
to view scenic
quintessential picture dis interfere

foretold a recognized
landmark comprising around
perimeter defined areas
hosting happy hustings
(no...not hustling) ground
encompassing accrued memories
to date within storied mound
caching predominantly pleasant
bouts of playtime, when siblings pound
for Avoirdupois pound
raced each other observed
by Mister Sun at his coterie of sound
clouded pillowy cerulean
celestial garden, which
helped get tension unwound.

Now while doddering, hobbling,
and limping with *** leg
(Battle of the bucks him
Boar skirmish) in old dote age,
which declining physical well being
restricts shenanigans akin
to limiting an artist prohibited
to paint with the color beige
to an ever shrinking unseen cage
soon...t'will be sent out to pasture,
whence concluding stage
of existence paid with demise
collected by grim reaper,
who only accepts deceased
as sole (soul surviving) standard wage.
When a boy,
I wanted to be as tall as my father
(he passed away October seventh
two thousand and twenty
linkedin to congestive heart failure),
who stood at his prime
about six feet and two inches
and tipped the scales
close to two hundred pounds.

Teachers and other familiar adults
chimed in that though diminutive
(yours truly, he unwittingly offered himself
as the ideal scapegoat
courtesy being longitudinally challenged,
weighing no more than an ostrich feather,
and hashtagged as "the quietest student,"
a flower child of the ninety sixties
always kept mum every single day of school),
would unexpectedly experience
peak height velocity.

Neither at ages eighteen, nineteen, twenty...
sixty three, sixty four and sixty five
bore witness to any added inches,
which topped out
around my sixteenth birthday
approximately seventy inches tall
and attendant weight a scrawny
one hundred and
twenty five pounds or thereabouts.

Actually since graduating
from Methacton High School
two score and seven years ago,
my weight ballooned
an avoirdupois unit of weight
divided into 16 ounces,
and equal to 0.453 592 kilograms
approximately forty plus times
such said constituent parts
first thing in the morning
after eliminating evacuating
re:excreting ****** waste.

A preponderance of adipose tissue
long since upended my once upon a time
twenty nine inch waist.

Slab of flab protrudes from ab - feel free to grab!

What follows initially written
quite some years ago
when being skinny as a rail meant
no meat on these lovely bones,
thus hired myself out as scared crow,
now excess adipose tissue thy foe
losing battle partially explaining
why knight spends inordinate
amount of time in his grotto.

Twas an incremental
subtle expansion of waist
plus olympic challenge to tie shoes
most likely side effects of one
or all nine prescription medications
to stave off severe melancholy,
social anxiety, panic attack, et cetera
when yours truly merely
prepubescent self starvation courtesy
emaciated Anorexic skeletal ribcage

traced (about two score
and a baker's dozen years ago),
now whereby most everything
thy tongue doth taste
immediately delivered
a randy (new man) paunch
to former washboard six pack
smooth as a fresh application
of gesso like paste
readying fleshy canvass

for partially ****
self-portrait masterpiece
(adjacent to barenaked lady)
lived three doors down
depicting mine once perfectly,
(albeit one scrawny lad)
proportioned body electric laced
with flat as a washboard physique
unlike present disk graced
whereat when sending a photograph

of shirtless self-try with futility
utilizing photoshop to get erased
displeasing equatorial zone of anatomy
saddled with unwanted
fatty tissue that defaced
proportionate rock hard stomach
one generic measly slender adult man
about five foot and ten-inch build
evincing an aura of being chaste
gone forever analogous to temptation

gobbling house constructed
of cake and confectionery,
that nearly did likewise
to Hansel and Gretel
readying their not quite
plump enough bodies
tubby slathered with baste,
yet just in the nick of time
the two abandoned minors
actually removed courtesy

children, youth and
family services (CYS)
under care of adoption in sync
with ***** work
aced the sinister plot outwitting
cannibalistic cackling
croaking old woman
inducing all to break out into song -
singing the following tune
I learned in grade school.

Loose air into pipes and croon
solo loud enough audible to man in the moon.

Sarasponda, sarasponda, sarasponda rat tat tat
Sarasponda, sarasponda, sarasponda rat tat tat
A doray-oh, A doray-boomday-oh
A doray-boomday ret set set
Ah say pah say oh.

— The End —