life is a chain of choices and chances
yOu have to make 'EM and take 'EM

if yOu don't STAND for something
yOu'll fall for anything

when yOu SET your GOAL
yOu Feed your SOUL

life shouldn't be measured by breaths taken
but by the times life takes your breath away

put a SmiLe on some ones fACe today
take pride in knowing yOu put it there

I THINK therefore I AM over qualified
and that's why yOu work here

NO it's not ignorance nor arrogance
I'M just smarter than yOu

DO not belieVe or eVen read eVery word that I haVe written
Do NOT believe everything yOu think

remember yOu are special, just like everyone else
remember to take your smart pills and STOP pretending
to be STUPID,        that's just DUMB

that's Mr. AzzHOLE to yOu (ays - oh - lay) it's Esperanto
and YES it is part of my charm, thanks for asking

the dAy DreAm is the free thinKer's nighTmaRe
what do yOu thinK?         NeVer MiND

perjury murdered imagination, without an ASSULT rifle, without
2nd amendment RIGHTS, without maSS media or an iNterNet CoNNectioN

it's NOT what yOu accomplish
it's what yOu OVER come

I didn't say it was your FAULT
I said I was going to BLAME yOu

life is like SkiPPing with a Peg leG
at night it's like Sleeping with SciSSorS

HAVE FUN*


if you feel offended by this please read again
with your name in each rant, then take two (2) smart pills
and go back to sleep*


hehehe

I remember it
In bits and pieces.

Here and there I catch a sense of
Foreboding.
Of something coming.
Of knowing that
No matter how much I try
No matter how far I go in life,
This will never leave me.

I have been sexually assaulted.
By two different people
In my life.

I was
Nineteen
When I started dating him.

Nineteen and my
First
Boyfriend.

He has red hair and a
Jaded past.
A bad boy with a
Gap-toothed smile.

I was taught
To save myself.
To not have *** with a man
Until I was married.

He showed me
That there is a lot two can get away with
Before marriage.

I thought he loved me.
He told me so just two short weeks into our relationship.

I believed him
Because I had never done this before.

I thought
he would know, wouldn't he?
I suppose
"I love you too."

From there I found that
Love
Had a funny way of
Proving itself.

It was Easter or Christmas
Or some Christian holiday
When he pulled a blanket over us and
Stuck his hand
Down my pants.

His uncle was in the room.
Engaged in a Vikings football game.
His mom and
Sister and
Aunt and
Cousins
Were making cookies
In the kitchen.

I remember the details of the space
I was violated
In a desperate attempt
To forget
The act.

This happened often.
And openly.
In the backseat of his parents car
As they drove us to their home.

In his sister's retired bedroom as I awoke to him
On top of me.
I thought of the jewelry on her old dresser.
How she chose the ones she cared for
And left the rest behind to be
Forgotten.

Years passed with the memory staying in my mind as though it were a song I chose to memorize.

I met her in a bar.
I had known her.
We had flirted.
She stole kisses all night and proudly proclaimed that
I was "here with her!".

I felt safe.
I knew the crowd.
I took care
Of myself.

After threats of renting a hotel for us
I drove her home.
We were laughing.

She lived with her parents.
In the basement.

The upstairs lights promptly shut off
As she drunkenly stepped inside.

She led me to the basement and I turned as the door slammed shut.
Locking her cat outside.
Begging to come in.

My neck
Hurt for weeks.
That's what happens,
I suppose,
When you're caught by the back of your hair and
Tossed
Across a bed.

My head whipped over the side of the sheets and retracted
As she slapped me across the face.

"I like it rough"
She chimed.
I did not.

Casual pleading
Will only get you so far
When you beg
To be let out of this room.
I envied the cat.

I couldn't stop it so I
Took care
Of myself.

Laying empty,
Broken,
And dry
On her sheets
I dreamed I would be allowed
To go home.

Saliva
Can be a lubricant.
Did you know?
Even if it is ripped from your own
Throat.

******* penetrated my lips,
And then,
So much more.

As I staggered out she tossed words
Like
"****"
"Hot"
And
"I'll text to tomorrow"
At my body.

My body
Does not always feel
Like a safe place.

My body
Bruises and
Bleeds and
Weeps.

My body
Shakes
For weeks.

But I
Am not
My body.

And I
Will take care
Of myself.

the blooming flower of summer has died not to be reborn until next year.soon the dark will slowly creep down from the sky like soft drifting snowflakes,farmers still tillt the silent land ever hoping  for rain to kiss their thirsty crops ,the field scarecrow keeps watch in order to chase away unwelcome flying birds of prey,smells  from the kitchen of bacon eggs biscuits fried ham okra home fries  grits black coffee tea assult the nose like early morning cold air  the sun rises slowly from its  golden covers  filling the earth as night steps off the stage exits left before taking its final bow

loving you feels so good,

but hurts so bad.

Hundreds of voices
All sounding at once
Streaming and swirling around

When stopping to hear
All of the sounds
Many conversations assult my ears

The girls on the corner
Are chatting away
Talking about someone else

The boys on their way
Glance back at the girls
Then discuss the way the look

Children are laughing
Dogs are barking
And cars are passing by

A lovely old couple
Sit on a bench
Reminiscing of how life used to be

The dust in the streets
Swirl by in clouds
Spreading around all the junk

As people go
Along through their days
These noises wait to be heard

But yet as you look
Throughout the noise
The wonder can be seen

I built my walls
dug my moat
they will not be breached
for if I were to open the doors
to trust any from outside them
the assult might prove more than I could handle
but I am safe here in my stone castle
at times I feel imprisoned
how could I again give my heart to another

I live in  a world where Christianity is sold dirt cheap.
Where taxes aren’t involved, without interest rates, signing fees or commitments.
Where we claim to have salvation, yet never walk in it.
Where the churches deem themselves ordained, righteous and holy
You’re not doing anything more than completing your weekly chores.
Where the congregation sings “OUR GOD REIGNS!”, on Sundays.
Where the other six days don’t matter
And the sabbath no longer means rest.

I live in a world, where you can claim Christianity.
Where you can live in a nation that declares “ONE NATION, UNDER GOD”
Yet never experience doctrine, worship, service and fellowship.
Practicing traditions and never knowing the reason behind the season
So we cover up the reason, to make those who never cared, feel better about themselves.
Salvation comes without cost, yes.
Not free from ridicule, persecution, mockery, lies and threats.
Free to accept.
Costly to deny.

I live in a world, where an army continues to rise.
The army of the dead to be more precise.
Where women believe that beauty is physical and sexuality is a must.
And that happiness comes from being held in the arms of a man.
Where the men are taught to be a man and temptations arise.
And that their life has to be kept a secret, behind closed doors.
And when the world experiences heartache, we all of a sudden become united.
And the other days, we act like senseless strangers.
And we treat each other like dirt, through acts of ******, ****, assult, bullying and word of mouth.
The world lies in the palm of our hands, where we’re connected at our fingertips
Which is made  much easier to idolize, lust, cuss and make light of lies.  

I live in a world, where the past defines who we are.
Where the past should be a place of reference,
yet we treat it like a place of residence.

I live in a world, where the Holy Bible is the number one book…. to be stolen.
Yet, the world is still clueless of the wonders under the cover.







So, Woe to you, church.
Sanctuaries filled with apathetic hearts and praises...
My presence should be welcomed in this place
The name of the Son should make you feel overwhelmed.
Fall on your knees and bow before the lamb who was slain.
Proclaiming the truth in the aisles!
Raising praise to the rooftops!

Woe to you, believer
How many times shall we fail again?
Standing upon His very presence.
Yet never digging below the surface to stand upon the truth.
Only going skin deep.
When conviction strikes you flee.
Going farther and farther
But never going out of the father’s reach.
Yes, in the dark it is hard to see,
yet light overcomes the darkness.


He  has  left The Word so that you can unveil all of His promises
Broke in to beam the light of salvation through you.
Christ invited the Spirit to dwell within our very being, as a promise that He’s coming soon.



Have you not heard? Do you not know?
For the Lord our God is the EVERLASTING God.
I count everything I have ever gained as loss, so that I can be lead to the cross
To recrucify each and every day of my life
I'll stop living off of how I feel and start standing on the truth that has already been revealed.
Our God? He is not dead! He is surely alive.
The glory of God has defeated the night.
So that we can see his face, in every sunrise.







Lord, you came and pursued us
No worry in sight.
Got down on one knee and proposed to my heart
Took out ours and gave us yours
Leaving a promise of eternity
Giving us an everlasting salvation,
and if you didn’t know, that lasts forever.
Longer than the drugs, alcohol and temporary fixes that you desire.
God isn’t someone who takes you higher
He’s someone who reduces you to nothing in this world, to show you EVERYTHING he has to give.
Even when we cannot see.


So let this be apathy’s anthem
May the chairs no longer be empty
And the aisles filled with praise
Church this is the time to rise
The time to shine is now, here in this very moment.
Let us rise against the army of the dead
You see, The Lord shall not return again until it is good again.

What is it going to take? O, Believer?
Things cannot be made much easier for you.
As the Lord commanded Joshua to be strong and courageous, you to shall reciprocate.
You are not free from the ridcule of this demonic world. People shall rise against you.
And in the day of ridicule, there shall be one always with you. And that will be Christ our eternal Savior.

May it be so.

Transcribing my emptiness,
like emulating an ape―
to study the anatomy―
of a scar.

There was a brutal assult.
Uninterpretable was the ink,
like the blood spilled
after the vein collapsed.

An egg within an egg
would change the gender
of a name. A different money
was needed to appease the god.

The skin-sperms, and the
cut flowers. Times have changed.
I cannot fly like you.
I would write an ode to the nightimglae.

A face that has felt assult.
Arms that have shaken from past trauma.
Between the legs hides fear of being sexually assaulted.
Again.
The eyes dance at night with dreams that remind the body that she is not her own.
Bruises healed on each leg from the tears that he shed promising he would be better.
Ears burning from every apology that girl uttered before continuing to take what she wanted.

"You're so ******* ****."

Why does it feel like my body is working against me.
A spoiled carcass that I drag along with me, politely accepting every compliment and bending this body to please others because that's what I've been shown I'm good for.

So check out my **** huh?
Pretty ******* ****.

Football is war
Two teams of nine players
Each play
An assult
To tear away the enemy line
Marching your troops
To the goal

And victory