I never understood why people compared
kisses to fireworks
until i knew what it was like
to want someone so much
that all you could feel inside you
were explosions.

We come from the same gene pool,
but don't you dare tell me
that we can wear the same jeans,
because you couldn't hold them up.
You wouldn't be able to keep them in place,
to hoist up the weight of the world
that makes them so heavy.
Your size zero waist and thighs
couldn't handle the pressure,
couldn't handle the qualities
of life size pants.
Not 12 size pants.
Life size pants.
My whole life fits into the stretched out fabric,
the too tight button,
the zipper that struggles to crawl up its track.
These pants have seen days where I could slide in
and days where the squeeze was so tight
that I just gave up,
even when giving up shouldn't have been an option.
Holes have been torn,
rips have been stretched,
and yours have been fashioned to look that way.
Do not pretend that we could switch jeans
and be perfectly fine,
because you would be swimming,
and I would be missing.

Raindrops
Tap tap tapping
On the windowsill
Reminding me of
You letting me go.

Fresh sheets
Crinkling up and
Swallowing me whole
Sounding like the
Day you forgot about me.

New perfume
Engulfing me and
Surrounding my breath
Smelling like the
Night you kissed me and left.

Oldsmobile,
Driving around,
Scaring me to death
Looking like the
Hours that we wasted.

And we wasted
Aimlessly,
We kissed
Pointlessly,
Forgot
Regrettably,
And let go
Finally.

Although I wish they were,
Your eyes were not made
To drink in my presence
Like a kindergartner with a juice box.

Your hands were not created
To touch away the pain I feel
After a day that crashed around me
Has taken away my hope.

And even though ours fit together,
Your lips were not crafted
To press against mine
In a spur of the moment thought.

And you were not invented
To love me.

You put your arms around me,
And you smell like clean laundry
And a feeling that I'll never have.

You tell me that my hugs are the greatest,
And I smell like cherry menthol
And the best friend you've ever had.

So you hug me again,
And you're my favorite smell in the world,
But I just want to know how you taste.

I'm wondering how
much time it will take you to
just ******* kiss me.

Cold.
Everything is covered in
a piercing cold
that makes me bundle up
with the hope of giving up
and a couple warm breaths on my hands.
But sometimes,
there is a spot of heat in the air
that fully envelopes me
while I sit in the silence
wondering how this could be.
But I want, no no, I need to get out,
locked inside an Arctic display
of my head that they splay
on a mount that no one will see.
And all I need is a crack in control
for me to weasel right into and break
so I can breathe fresh air
and see what a laugh looks like again.

Silence.
The room is filled with
complete silence
except for the scratching and screeching
of the record on repeat
that is completely made up of my thoughts.
On occasion,
you can hear the drip-drip-dripping
of my tears as they hit the floor
or my hands pounding on titanium walls
but praying for a door,
because I want, no, I need to get out,
trapped inside this heartless cage
where all I am is filled with rage
and hate and resentment.
And all I need is a crack in the wall
for me to throw my back into and break
so I can see the light
and hear what a smile sounds like again.