And I sometimes wonder
If there's anyone out there
Who understands
This spell that I'm under
Is one that's been woven
Of Hope and Rejection
Looking for love
But having no direction
Trying to find
Someone to look up to
Without being looked down on
I know I'm never worthy
But I need your love anyway
I wish I had a reason
For you to show me a reason
That I should keep on breathing
I don't know your story
Who you are or where you're from
I just know I'm alone and scared
And not worth a ****
So I just walk along
And dream this dreadful dream
Of all-too-harsh Reality

There are days
Full of pain
That remind me of my cage
Things that break
Just by whispering my name
I'm not so important
But, you see
I am a destroyer
Of everything surrounding me

With this pen
I slit my wrist
Let it bleed on this page
Release the sadness and rage
Let these words
Pick the lock and let me out of this cage

Paint a smile for those I love
They don't need to know
So I do my best to hide
All the pain that's deep inside
Writing blood and tears
In this little book of mine

No, I don't want it to show
I don't want your attention for this
It just brings more pain
If blood on the floor
Is what it takes to say my name
I'd rather hear silence
At least it's honest

So I write these words
Just for me
To keep Death away
I scribe its name
And hope one day
The pain that fills my pen
Will drain away
And I can put this blade

Down.

Today I read the news
That someone I never knew
Took her life
Left behind
This life
That I've railed against so many times
It made me stop
Made me think
As bad as I sometimes hurt
Maybe I don't know what pain
Really means
Because though the thought
Has crossed my mind
So many -uncounted- times
I don't believe I'll ever truly cross that line
In the face
Of this immeasurable loss
I think it's time I try a little harder
To put down my cross
Bury Demons from my past
Try for the best in this life at last
And though it may not matter much at all
Written words from someone you'll never know
I hope you've found peace at last
And maybe find a little peace
In knowing
You've made me try a little harder
To turn over that new leaf

Just tonight I called to talk
I wanted to wish you best of luck
You're starting a new school year tomorrow
It breaks my heart how fast you're growing up

But when you cried out "NO!"
When your Mom handed you the phone
It shattered into dust
And blew away on a frozen winter wind
Screaming through, stealing the heat of September

"I don't want to see him"
"I don't want to talk to him"
"I don't want his name anymore"
All these things, I heard you say
The words ring through my head, never going away
And I don't even know why you feel this way...

I just want to fix it
- but I need to know where it's broke
Friends and family say it's just a phase
And in time, you'll change your mind
But in that time, I may cry myself blind

I already knew
You are one of two,
The ropes that keep me tied
To the shore of this life
Thoughts of you,
And your sister too
Kept me steady in the storms and rain

But now I feel that line begin to fray,
As in your pain you saw away
I feel the seas begin to toss
I pray that I can hold them off
Long enough to heal this rift between us

When you're ready,
I'll be waiting
Trying to do my best as a father...
I love you, my darling daughter.

There's a beast inside my chest
Trying to claw its way out
I turn on the music trying to drown out the sound
But I keep hearing its voice
It doesn't speak with these words
I feel its hate when I go numb
Its whispered doubts have left me dumb
"You know that you're the one,
The one that's failed everyone"
So I walk up to the edge
Look straight out and take a breath
Try to silence it with a step
And leap into the sky
With no wings to let me fly
But even though I'm falling down
I never reach the ground
I just wake up in this bed
Made to start this day again
Fight this battle in my head
I just wish it all would end.

I feel a little lost within,
Everything under my skin
Has started to spin
Forgive me if I don't make sense
I feel as though I might break again
I'm not sure where I'm going
The wheels in my mind won't stop turning
All in different directions
- I think I feel something burning
Is this mental self-destruction?
When I stop and think,
I begin to shiver and shake
Frustration, fear and pain
Hope and loss have left me drained
So I spin, out of control, down the line
It's dark and cold
So hot it burns
Losing my mind
But still it churns
Out reckless thoughts
(Oh, it hurts!)
...Yet all the while
A little voice sings
At the edge of the darkness
Calling me
Calming me
Reminding me

Growing twisting twining from the earth
From discarded seeds comes new life, birth
Cast aside with brittle husk once become too heavy
With never a second thought to whether they're truly ready
Only luck to keep them from the teeth that feed
And no guarantee that where they land
is where they need to be
The number of those that make it past that start
Are so precious few as to break your heart
And so, more beautiful
Are those that make it through
Scars on their hearts
Hidden by patterns of bark
And with thoughts like these,
I feel my memories
May not be so different
From the memories of trees

Lightning from a bright blue sky
Wildfire dancing on ocean waves at night
Chaos pure and clear
Is the one I hold dear

A gentle brush of butterfly wings,
Wildflower perfume on a summer breeze
Sunlight shining on the sea
Peaceful and deep
She sets my soul at ease

Storm surge rush across the sands
Crashing thunder shakes the land
Breathless desire
Sets my heart afire
At thoughts of taking her hand

All these things
She stirs to mind
And gives me hope
With her broken edges smooth against mine

I've got an empty page
And a million things to say
If only I can find a phrase
That won't make you turn away

Everyone is broken
I'm alone and the same
Walking with the broken soul
I got to start this game

Trying to find one made for me
I'll know her by the way she seems
Broken in a different way
Expressing all she sees
With the pieces missing from me

And she'll burn with the anger
Of a false love
But she searches for her missing pieces
So the flames will let up.

Staring out the window, lying in the dark
Wistfully wishing for moon and stars
But blinded by a streetlight
Blotting out the beauty of a sky at night
As surely as the world seperates you and I

Pressing my face to the glass
I cannot see them, though surely I can feel them
Toying with my mind at the edge of my perception,
Like your hands wrapped 'round my heart
-shining in the distance

The stars will shine again one day,
But I wonder if I'll ever know your face
Or will it remain forever out of reach
-just sparkling light on midnight canvas

Such bittersweet thoughts twist my mood
So I fall asleep to dream of you
-and streetlights turn to stars and moon

Every day
Another scene
Of the same **** thing
Painted smiles
Plastic words
Everybody talks
But nothing gets heard
And one thing
Blurs into every other
And the price we pay
For no real prize
Is to **** our hearts
Our whole **** lives
Till we're just vacant eyes
With no soul left inside

Not all of these lines
Are going to rhyme
Maybe it's not poetry-
But this time, that's fine.
I have to write this
Even though I'm still not sure how to say it
Why do you talk to me?
Do you honestly even care?
Or is it just somehow better
than listening to dead air?
I hold no great secrets
My philosophies are pieces picked from different puzzles
and even I don't know if they really make a picture
Or if they do, that it's one you'd want to see.
I'm not as interesting
As certain people make me out to be
Talking with you who shine bright like stars in midnight blackness
Just serves to remind me
How great my lack is
And I can't help but wonder
What it is that drives this-
Do you need my shadows
To remind you how bright your light is?
Or are you really trying to cast rainbows
into dusty corners
Bringing color into places that lack this...
I only feel this:
I have nothing to offer you.
So, please.
Leave me be.
Don't try to make me think I might mean something
to you.
Because
In the end, I know...
*I won't.

Why?
Why does this life feel so hollow
Empty on the inside
I see the people
I hear other voices
But not mine
It doesn't matter
Because I don't

Alone
Is what I fear
Is what I am
What I shall be?
So it seems
Quietly darkened by insignificance
No solace in this solitude
Nor escape from this unbarred cell

I reach out
And stop
No one is there
To take the hand
So the heart withers
Day by day it dies
As a rose kept from the light
A forget-me-not, forgotten