I have Tourette’s. But my Tourette’s isn’t me. It is an entirely separate entity that takes over my body with no warning or reason. This entity is named Ted. Ted the tic. Ted is rude. He tends to turn up without an invite and then outstays his welcome . Ted doesn’t have a filter. He doesn’t know when enough is enough. When he’s exhausted me and should probably back down. But Ted doesn’t care.
I am stronger than Ted. He’s actually very weak you see. He acts as though he’s far stronger, and sometimes I start to believe him. But then I remember that he doesn’t control nor define me. However, I’m stuck with Ted for the long run. Almost like family, but that really annoying aunt that won’t back off, yah know? Ted won’t win, I will.

- VI -

And suddenly you were free
But maybe not for me
It’s besides the point
Your happiness is priority
Whoever you get it from
It doesn't matter
Just get it
Then take it and run
But in the case that it’s me
You’ve got it all
I care
But I know you know that
I’m no quitter
I don’t want to give up on you
Are you thinking about me too?

- VI -

I only wanted to help you
There was only so much I could do
But you didn’t want my help
Or his
I couldn’t leave you like that
But all you could say was
“Can I keep it?”

My thoughts impaired with my care
For you
I wish I’d listened to what you wanted
But instead
I cared
And all you could say was
“Can I keep it?”

It was balck and white
You should be reading me like a newspaper
And I’m sure you are
You’re scared of being hurt again
But how can I help you
When all you could say was
“Can I keep it?”

- VI -

You are the strongest of urges,
the itch that I shouldn't scratch,
but do.
Engrained in my brain.
A way of living.
Habitual
A ritual
side affects long-lasting
you are the devil on both shoulders
coaxing me slowly into the dark
I need to find the light
I shan't give up this fight.
I am gasping for air,
but trapped under the ice.
Someday, the ice shall melt,
and I will be free to rest on the banks of
the lake of self-control,
in perfect harmony, surrounded by snowy evergreens.

- VI -

Running like children along the cobbles
You took my hand firm in yours
I followed like a puppy
To the phone box
Punching in our numbers
Echoed giggles seeping through the mock Tudor
Black velvet against my skin
Fumbling in the dark
Fumbling for a small grasp of happiness
Just for a moment
You pulled me close
Trembling in the cold
Trembling in ecstacy
Lips meet
Hearts race
And run again
Into the night
A night of promise

- VI -

There was a time I was laying beside you, with my arm wrapped around so I knew you were safe
It was the middle of the night and you were fast asleep
I lay awake, just to listen to your slow and beautiful breathing, treasuring every moment
It was too soon to tell you I loved you, so I whispered it once while you slept
Then, I knew I’d said it to you, but you slept happy

- VI -

All I wanted to do
Was
Help your intoxication
Your bleeding hands
You grasped your
Long nails
Around my throat
Strangled me
Your grip harsh
Kicked me
Punched me
My face sore
I tried to get you
Home safe
You were too
Vulnerable but  
Strong enough to
Fight back

This is alcohol

- VI -