smile. your feelings dont matter.
just fake it.
just agree with him.
tell him what he wants to hear.
suppress your emotions.
stop the ptsd.
oh- wait.
its fake,
according to him, it's all fake.
no worries.
i dont need a therapist.
after all,
it's all ******* fake.
my feelings,
depression,
anxiety,
insomnia,
anorexia,
ptsd,
panic attacks,
they're all
fake!
i've had 3 panic attacks.
so what?
f a k e
they're fake right?
why then?
why can't i feel anything?
why does it hurt so badly?

depression
anxiety
PTSD
stockholm syndrome
insomnia
anorexia
bulimia
paranoia
bipolar disorder
schizophrenia?

i’m a bit broken right now, not gonna lie.
i can’t sleep and- 6/24/2019 12:19am

i must’ve given up. thrown the phone across the room.

why would you tell me?!
i know ****

why the hell would you tell me anything

your life is with them

only them

im nothing now

im nothing ****

you dont ******* care.

i mean
youd rather love her.

cause yknow.
you ******* love her

"ill always love you"
"ill never leave you"
"love you babe"

*******.
liar.
you dont.
dont lie to me.

please,
dont lie to me.

i know you love her

leave me behind.

i dare you

leave me.
leave.
now.

i know you dont care

so just stop it..

i know youd rather date her

i know

i know

i know.

bye
.
.
.
.

BYE..

i-

you dont love me

nevermind.

when is it an appropriate time to die? i am so done with this.

my heart aches because inside i know i don’t love you the same because i am treated poorly

okay i’m tired of being treated like the dirt on your shoe but you don’t get it because you think you’re the best ever in the world

ill never love another like you

i’ve been slowly killing myself for two years and no one has stopped me.


n o
o n e

i slam my head against walls, doors, anything that’s hard hoping for my brain to collect too much pressure so i can D I E

owo

i wish you knew the physical pain i feel in my heart every time you do this

i wish you knew i pray for him to let me go in my sleep peacefully

i wish you knew that i have no reason to keep going

i wish you knew just how much i love you

i hope you know it’s not your fault

oh  i am meant to die soon   i see nothing  for my future

you are my worst ******* nightmare i   remember everything you did every time i am alone  i  can never forget what you did to Me   but to you   i am nothing  but a liar   and a horrible person    Maybe think about what You   did to me   for years   and allowed others to do    Remember your body shaming   and manipulation    and general abusive behavior but  Oh  Oh!!  you   are always the ******* victim

i feel like a piece of shattered glass clinging together with tape

you take away everything that makes me happy

you berate me for being sick
you berate me for being home
you berate me for wanting to go to school
you berate me for depending on you
you berate me for working


what do i  even do.

okay haha okay so okay um okay sooo haha okay lol

i make everything for them just to get nothing

i thought you coming home would make a difference yet i feel more alone than ever

why don’t i do you a favour?
i’ll ******* **** myself for you,
now wouldn’t that be easier?
you don’t have to yell at a ******* like me anymore :)

bye.

everything about us was a game you liked to play,


and i hope you had fun, playing that game


that hurt everyone.

when i “hit” him,
you say,
“if you touch him again i’ll ******* hurt you”

when he HITS me,
giving me bruises,
giving me cuts,
making me cry,
you.

you
do
not
do
anything.

:)

red, pink, and white
cheap or expensive gifts
from friends, family, or loved ones.
some people are sad if they don’t
receive one from anyone they know.
a holiday celebrating couples,
what about the single people?
what would happen if
you weren’t loved?
what would happen?
valentine’s day originated
from women getting sold
in a town square
and hit and whipped
after being bought.

inhale

exhale

nicotine chemicals ruin your brain.

whats so enjoyable about it?

maybe ill try it out someday.

i want to go home


am i invisible? yes








i’ll leave you two alone.


you’re happy.



that’s all that matters

my mouth tastes sour and disgusting

i haven’t thrown up in a while

sometimes when i write
it feels like im screaming

screaming into a void.

where no one can help me,

maybe ill suffer on my own

watch me c
                      r
                          u
                              m
                                    b
                                         l
                                            e

surely,

i’ll break soon.

Inactive,
Offline,
I stay away,
From those behind,
Computers,
Phones,
Tablets,
Anything
that has access
to this website.

"welcome back"
They say,

I have come back,
to write more,
and read more.

Bye.
I'm off to therapy now.

yet im not growing.

well if you’re gonna act that way,

reduce reuse recycle *****

you wouldn't care!

who am i kidding?

you wouldn't.

haha

"youre swaggy, so lets stay friends."

"okay, i love you so much"


blocked.


******* BLOCKED.

there's not point in saying let's be friends if you're just gonna cut me off.

i thought my mom and my happiness was enough, turns out you want more

whats a moon-

i've almost sobbed myself to sleep,


i watched,


listened.




"****, why can't someone love me like that"



even your mom asked if i felt like i was being left out,



i wanted to have a smile and say no,


but i just nodded silently.




im scared of your brother asking if we're friends anymore but,


are we?

of all things
why me
why is everyone
trusting me
So many people believe in me
but in doing that there is no hope
encouraging things
feel like 28 stab wounds

in your head,
you are the victim

but what i have
in writing

just proves that
you are the **** person
i have always
known you to be

get it all out until you feel better

and peer up and realise you’ve broken me again

you shattered my already shattered pieces

it’s dust floating away

and all i can do is scoop it up and hope that i can rebuild

you talked about how we replaced you

used you

played with you

lied to you

cut you out.


but didn’t you do the same?

i cant help but think about you all the time


even if it hurts me.