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Vanessa Gonzalez Jul 2014
Life can really drain the life from people.
I think I'm at that point where I'm just tired of it.
Im tired of feeling like **** for things I've done.
Maybe that year of alcohol I had wasn't such a bad thing;
At least now I know how to escape life.
Because feeling like the one you love is distancing themselves from you,
Looking for other more attractive girls that won't whine about not seeing them enough,
Well lets just say life isn't the part that kills you.
Just felt like writing this.
  Jul 2014 Vanessa Gonzalez
Shpresa
I always used to feel bad when I won things because I knew there were people who wanted it too
I always used to feel bad because they would look at me as if the guilt was painted on my face
I always used to feel bad when other people won things because I wanted it too
I always used to look at them as if they didn't deserve it and I would get upset
I always used to feel bad about being me
And I would look at those who are confident and think about the things that they might not be good at
I always used to feel bad because I can't look people in eyes because I don't want them to look at me
I always used to feel bad when I saw people presenting while they spoke loud and clear
I always felt bad about everything as if it was my fault and let it pile on top of me
And I never tried to feel a different way until right now
I always USED to feel bad
Vanessa Gonzalez Jul 2014
Sometimes you can have your doubts about who the person you
call your best friend really is.
Others, like myself, doubt ourselves.
Most of the time you wonder,  "what's
wrong with me," or "am I
the only one that feels like
this?"
Easy answers really. One might even say
rhetorical. Yes theres
something wrong with you,
but no you are not alone.
Truly,  I have no advice to give since I suffer from these questions
too.
Its just that sometimes life just really ***** ***.
Maybe more than others. Honestly I'd rather be dying of hunger
than have to deal with the
emotional stress that is my
life. Yeah sounds terrible.
Everyone feels that their problems are bigger than others.  I am
also guilty as charged.  We
just want someone to really
get what we're saying and
feel for us.
Sometimes we just need to scream. Or I guess I do.
Vanessa Gonzalez Jul 2014
She listens with her eyes closed as the melody begins.
Its starts with a slow beat; memories begin.
Her childhood, consisting of innocence and playtime with her younger sibling.
God in front, but the devil close behind her.
The music changes.
Playtime turns to fear and adulthood.
She is only 6.
But her fear of the harm done to her has molded her into something else.
The devil has her cornered.
The beat drops.
She needs closure.
She finds it as she cares for her siblings as if she were a mother.
Where is her mother?
Where is her father?
She doesn't care, she has her brother and sister.
And now with art and music beside her,
The devil is in front.
The music intensifies.
Alcohol.
Missing church.
Shes broken.
No one knows her story.
The once little girl full of joy and playtime,
Has become grown and silent.
She's a doubter.
Where was God?
The music slows.
The sun comes out and shines down on her.
She feels a brightness in her heart she hadn't felt since she was a little girl.
Her fear of being damaged again is forgotten.
Maybe she can save herself.
The end chorus begins.
The devil is vanquished.
God is right in her sight again.
The bad habits gone.
And beside her what do you see?
Not fear.
Not damage.
Not silence.
You see her shining heart
Finally free from the darkness around her.
Music tells stories.
Look up, I say.
Look up.
You will get over this.
Rise above the pain.
It's only temporary.
You will find your love someday.
Although you want to rush
everything, 
the wait is worth the love you'll receive.
Vanessa Gonzalez Mar 2014
My
Mind wanders into
That place I know
It shouldn't. My
                                                                      Head
Spins with the
Multiple possibilities
That could happen.
                                                         ­                  Is
Everything going to
Be okay? Should I be
Worried? No, but
                                                                  Under-
Neath the façade I've
Created for myself
There's no calm
                                                            ­      Water
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