Swimming alone in my ocean...
In search of courage
drenched and drowned
in cowardice.

I have ample foothold,
for now...
Taunting the winds
that whistled treacherously
on this precipice.

Ears to the air
I hear the faint calling
of a lone zephyr
in the traveling winds
of tomorrow.

A smile emerges.
Forgetting the uncertainties,
the shame
and the unforgiving sorrow...

Bewitched and determined
to catch this breeze
that briefly promised salvation.

Brushed away the tears,
emotional inadequacies
and lifelong trepidation.

My lips parted...
Inhaling deep
what once,
for a long time felt acrid.

Eyes closed.
I greeted the whispers
that spoke of the end.

I've wished to be amongst
the choral voices
that sang
not of strangers
but friends.

The time is now.
I've conveniently forgotten
what and who I am...
Knowing only where I want to be.

I've found courage.
I took one step
into the future.
And finally...
I'm free.

In retrospect,
dredging up past events    
that led to the here and now.              
Pending course of actions in which to exact...    
Reaching as far back as the mind would allow.

In retrospect,
studying the reflection
in the rear view mirror,  
as the present freezes itself intact.
Sifting through past images...        
Second by second,
frame by frame.      
Identifying overlooked pitfalls          
and margin of errors.      

In retrospect,
straddling the realm...  
Where my current state of mind      
lapses into a minute-long sleep.  
Sights on the future... Folded blind,
discerning the treachery          
of impulsive thoughts and actions.        
Diving up from oceans deep,    
painting the backdrop beyond paths at
unmarked junctions.              

In retrospect*,
every detail deconstructed...
Deliberated against the yardstick  
of what's done and the supposed.    
Refracted memories snap back clean into place.      
Over and over...        
Layer upon layer...    
Time and again forming      
the looming weight      
that pulls me to a stumble              
into the stagnant puddle...  
Of long gone days.