I had pretty much given up on humainty, but then I met someone who leaves his lights on so his fish can see where its swimming, and decided it's small moments like this that remind me there is still some hope left in this world.

My whole life I've been told to speak less or softer, that if I just tried "toning it down" maybe people wouldn't find me as overbearing, more approachable, even more feminine. Years of trying shrink myself into other peoples idea of acceptable has only led to self doubt, anxiety and self destructive behavior. I refuse to spend another second tearing myself apart to fit into boxes other people created for me. I am loud, opinionated, messy and much more . If thats "to much" for you, then so be it. I will no longer apologize for the space I occupy in this world.

Everything I think of killing myself
I start taking my make up off and I look at my eyes.

I've never thought I was beautiful, but my eyes

They're so blue and I think to myself what a waste of good eyes.

Sometime my blue eyes is what keeps me here

You are worth more than you give yourself credit for

Its bad now

But we have been happy before and we will be again

I promise

You are beautiful and loved and worth it.

Two shattered people not a word spoken

Lying in bed

Holding each other tight

In the Hope's that they can feel just a little less broken

Even if it's just for the night.

I can't wait for the day that I find someone where I don't have to question if they want me around.

Because all this not knowing is killing my soul.

I love you, you ******* idiot. We could have been everything and you threw it away for some ******* stupid blonde who will only ever last a few months... I would have been there for every ******* birthday, for every ******* Christmas. For any bad times you were going through, I would have stuck through them all just so I could see your smile. And you threw  that away for nothing, and you still can't see what you did to me, and you still can't see how much I cared about you, how much I'll always care about you. ******* for what you did. ******* for breaking me.