never have i been more ashamed
of how i treaded you that day
i spoke before my mind could stop my though from ever being recognized
i'm a complete wreck for you
i'm a complete mess for you

your mood dictates the day
multiple days
it lingers
muted

i've never felt hate like this before
id rather be unconscious than all alone
my life is ruled by powers i cannot control
decisions filtered through the minds
that will never know
its painful

its hard to get my mornings started
but mondays are mondays
and and my brain know it
so ill pretend its a tuesday
even though i have mondays off

why must you focus on my weakness
the smallest part of me
this is why i stay away from ones like you
who see depression in innocence's
and always question when things don't go their way

just smile and fake it

kaleidoscopic patterns do nothing for me
you see complex patterns of color
a marvel to stare at from every corner
i see anxiety

i see its time to leave

complaining is unnecessary
I complain inside
and let it go
it'll pass
it keeps the peace
but its uncomfortable

who ever said life's not a game
never checked their high score
on life's leaderboard

they say to delete social media from our phones
i threw out the phone today
no one needs be reached at all times
i'm free of my leash

wake me when my time has come
i cannot breath anymore
to take my place among the rest of the clones
wake me when my time has come
i cannot take this anymore
this life i've been dealt hold more pain than has ever before

open up to become one of the few
lessening the effect of adding your own point of view
were really all alike
just different chords in different songs
lets just sit like satellites
and watch the world just pass us by

will i
remember those days
when we stayed out late
enjoyed the setting sun
will i
remember to clean off my plate
those waiting here
can't pretend to care enough

all those wasted years
of walking in someone's shoes
a life regret
in a smaller size

virtual world
worth is sold
souls pursues likes
heart grows cold
authenticity fades
masks become norm
connection lost
amidst the swarm

likes sought, souls forgot
virtual worth, shallow plot
truth in connections, happiness can be real
likes fade, authenticity's zeal

likes for likes
in search of worth
a temporary smile
lost to the scroll

intelligence visits those
with the patience to lend their ears

we live in the little things
its the little things that should bring joy
an unexpected smile, reflected
little things grow deep roots
should
the thrones beneath still linger

i turned my forever beauty queen
into a girl of cold and morbid sunsets
i wish i could be as you were
in your only time to shine
congratulations
you grown to becomes my greatest regret
and since you always considered yourself my burden
i'm not surprised you turned your back
and while you tune me out of your life
moving on will seem to be the hardest part
just realize you once considered me your hope
when you felt your path go dark

in loss's shadow
hear whispers of sorrow
love mends hearts
beautiful shattered parts

ive made so many plans
made so many goals
so many good intentions
many mornings ready to go

so many false stars
so many excuses
so many maybe tomorrows
so many lies to myself

would you give me a moment
to redefine my train of though
would you give me just a single moment
to gain control, i've had enough
before we loose touch with reality
and we start living make believe
wont you give me time to breath?
when all else feels out of place
and happiness does not exist
remember me

on the phone you speak
alone
listening to the constant moan on the dial tone
the only comfort you'll ever find
is from a sound that has no mind

the first day is always the hardest
the sun shines
but i'm blind to it
a coronation but no ones invited
heads down
but not proud if it
the morning papers only filled with sadness
we rifle through it like nothings the matter
internal thinking causing external issues
solve them
or they will harm them

align the stars for me
and let their shining light guide me to where i need to be
then sedate me to ease the pain
that standing next to you always brings

all the links in my chain
are the weakest

am i saying how i really feel?
or what I'm suppose to be feeling?

a truth beyond the start
i know you don't believe in faith anymore
as midnight lights dance
blurry night time photos memorialized
bells are heard calling you home

i can dream or wake up if i choose
the chipping paint reveals the past
silence witness to the years gone by way too fast
and as it crumbles memories flash
the echo's fill a room so vast
nostalgic pauses
pretend the present isn't waiting

i wonder about speaking circles in intellectual community's
it must be so different
the sound, the tone, and actively listening
on full display
the cadence of the super bowl parking lot face painted fan
unbecoming
or is it all the same noises we make
hidden behind giant brains

dive in deep ends
and abolish
an weaker life
so dishonest
a toothless grin
for deadly departed
a blackout stare
oblivion

i'm not ok
even when i tell you i am

tonight i feel like celebrating
i feel like letting down my guard
if only for a little while
...
that was fast

the machines
they hold the threads
that pull my puppet strings
make me smoke my cigarettes
and watch me as i waste
and all the time i do survive
i'm dying as i sing
remembering the lies you've fed
i've put them aside to live

remember the past
live it, revel in it
glorify those memories
embellish, just a little

it'll never get any better

how awful the past may seems to us in the present
revisiting a memory of a memory like only a memory can provide
the smells
the lights
the shades
the fights
that blue dress you wore once that you spilled wine on that night
or was it purple?
that night we walked and talked for hours
or was it raining?
the memory of memories like photocopies of photocopies
distorting sets in
the colors fade as the shades darken
the blacks and whites all bleed together
becomes static on an old television

its 1am and i'm at home
the doors are closed and i'm just sitting
playing cards with god, he's winning
the world comes undone

for this moment
this precious amount of time that we allow ourselves
let us reminisce and reconnect
forget about the years we've spent apart

that was yesterday
and will be again tomorrow
days, months, years after that
the same old routine

but for now
we're here
present
cheers

sit, and enjoy
let the dust settle
where are we at in the end?
it was all meant to be happy

it all feels a little bit lost some how
mourning
boring
mundane
rage

RAGE, but silent

in my dreams
i'm walking this abandoned railway
deep between towns
not a man made sound to be heard

listen

the wild is just as wild as the wilderness provides
out here, beauty and horror
balanced
this railway my only guidance

i step away
leave the railway behind
join the wild
how romantic it seems

i wouldn't last a week

ill wake up now
and wonder what would be
coffee
i'm late for work

how romantic

i cant seem to get going today
my todo list gradually gets longer
as i sit here and read over it
where do i begin?

i'm still sitting here
staring at the words
but not reading them
my mind isn't anywhere else just, blank

i'm still sitting here
now the list is gone
its been two hours
it'll be two more

soon the day will end
with very little accomplished
ill go to bed
rest is not deserved

close your eyes
breath
its the only way you'll truly be
in a place that's solely yours

where do you go to lay your head and cry
where do you feel safe enough to bare your soul
and never question why
there are many places in my mind where i can feel the greatest joy
i hope there are place in your mind
or you can come and share in some of mine

become numb
it tingles just before i loose all feeling
embrace
enjoy

what is my truth?
i have no true colors
i'm a shapeshifter
i'm everyone

i'm standing right beside you
smiling
i mean it
but i don't really

i'm anyone i need to be

these silhouettes and cardboard cut outs
walk the path that leads into my mind
but whos to say
they are welcomed to stay

you can never turn back the hands of time
but rejoice in the fact that the future is blind

it stops for a minute
i can see again
i can breath
let me breath
shallow breaths
sixty seconds a day
im counting
shallow breaths
sixty seconds
...
......
.........
............
...............
.......­.......
.

and now back to our regularly scheduled program

before you forget what is meant to be sane
wont you tilt your head back and pick up that same blade
do you still miss the way the sun felt on your face?
of abandoned it all for a meaningless taste
the scars on your wrist that you try hard to hid
tell the story of someone's whos had a hard life
will you learn from mistakes that life has thrown you by
or ignore the lit path and sleep now as you cry