open up to become one of the few
lessening the effect of adding your own point of view
were really all alike
just different chords in different songs
lets just sit like satellites
and watch the world just pass us by

you kissed me like you meant it
did you mean to shatter my life too?

since when is it original
to wear the hatepaste on your face
delusions of a life full of waste

i cant seem to get going today
my todo list gradually gets longer
as i sit here and read over it
where do i begin?

i'm still sitting here
staring at the words
but not reading them
my mind isn't anywhere else just, blank

i'm still sitting here
now the list is gone
its been two hours
it'll be two more

soon the day will end
with very little accomplished
ill go to bed
rest is not deserved

who ever said life's not a game
never checked their high score
on life's leaderboard

the easy way, the hard way
the right. the wrong
the path of least resistance
are you in or are you out

there are always two roads

you're eyes saw a world your mind could understand
while other ignored
you adored

the odd, the very strange
point, shoot
capture

last supper

did you know how important you were?
do you know how important you are?

a memory flooded back to me today
unexpectedly
it was nice
like chicken soup on a chilly day

you know the one

its been fifteen years since we last spoke
our paths just
parted
a shame

was it a shame?

it seems to me our one way street forked at some point
i went left while you, stood, still
you wanted to follow, you told me as much
how long did you stand there?

are you still standing there?

neither of us have much presence online
no way to peak into each others lives
to slide in, to say hello
it must have been for the best

was it?

one day we should meet again
remember the old times
catch up on the the new
as familiar strangers

one day
i wonder how long it will be

become numb
it tingles just before i loose all feeling
embrace
enjoy

on the phone you speak
alone
listening to the constant moan on the dial tone
the only comfort you'll ever find
is from a sound that has no mind

i can't believe
you confused my caring tenderness
with selfish lies

the machines
they hold the threads
that pull my puppet strings
make me smoke my cigarettes
and watch me as i waste
and all the time i do survive
i'm dying as i sing
remembering the lies you've fed
i've put them aside to live

i'm worth it more in pieces than i ever was when i was one
a poor excuse for a human being

i turned my forever beauty queen
into a girl of cold and morbid sunsets
i wish i could be as you were
in your only time to shine
congratulations
you grown to becomes my greatest regret
and since you always considered yourself my burden
i'm not surprised you turned your back
and while you tune me out of your life
moving on will seem to be the hardest part
just realize you once considered me your hope
when you felt your path go dark

this permanent scar you've left on my hear
a reminder of mind playing games i've lost

this all seems familiar
your broken record replays in my mind
as hard as i attempt to turn you off
you keep your light on inside

i see you crawl, take the same fall
as you admit that i'm always wrong
remain my muse, for all my tunes
i thank you for breaking my heart

i'm afraid to admit
i've become addicted to the pain
try shattering this mundane routine
that i've become too afraid to change

in motion, ideas always look good at first hand
in practice, decisions made are all written in sand

i've never felt hate like this before
id rather be unconscious than all alone
my life is ruled by powers i cannot control
decisions filtered through the minds
that will never know
its painful

intelligence visits those
with the patience to lend their ears

so this is hate
this is what i've become because of you
provocative entertainment
feeds the mouths that never close
enters minds
severs connections
decisions made based on lies fed
spewing out younger ******
enough to feed all your intentions

i don't know who pushed me in
i don't know where to begin
i've been silent till this day
and there's so much i have to say

but its time to fade away

wake me when my time has come
i cannot breath anymore
to take my place
among the rest of the thorns

wake me when my time has come
i cannot bare this anymore
this life i've been dealt holds more pain
than has ever before

been standing by myself for so long
i cannot take it
and all my deepest dreams are all gone
forever and ever

when we're young
we look up
and find idols
they shape us
the lift us up
inspire us
anything is possible

but there comes a time
when we realize the fragileness of life
a family member, a friend
a distant life ends
and then one day
all our heroes die
and we morn them as a friend

(cheers to the ones who master chess while we learn to play checkers)

this is not a pome
this is not some randomness
this is not meant to be seen
but i have to put it somewhere

public private
its all the same to me
this is not meant to be seen
but i want to put it somewhere

i've been scribbling more and more
a **** that's overflowed
this is not meant to be seen
but i need to put it somewhere

the stars, each an idea
a lesson to be learned
this is not meant to be seen
but at least i put it somewhere

hello poetry

ive made so many plans
made so many goals
so many good intentions
many mornings ready to go

so many false stars
so many excuses
so many maybe tomorrows
so many lies to myself

bills pile up
accounts are dry
streets keep calling
tents, the new real estate

the sun is out today
a chill october tuesday
breath it in
and for a second i am still
for a second i'm a feather
breath it in
the world can disappears
calm
even in the darkness
the colors are as vibrant as i remember

it stops for a minute
i can see again
i can breath
let me breath
shallow breaths
sixty seconds a day
im counting
shallow breaths
sixty seconds
...
......
.........
............
...............
.......­.......
.

and now back to our regularly scheduled program

we are intelligent creatures
try and fail and try again
try and fail to fail again
fail and fail and fail again
again and again and again
eternal in our pursuit we try and try
and try till we succeed
we are intelligent creatures

until yesterday i though i was alone
until i saw you smile directed straight at me
hard to believe i never let it sink below
and our eyes met and all was well
and the world stopped to look behind itself
to realize our instant glow

what can be said about a girl
that makes the whole world disappear
and all that's left is all that's needed to rebuild
well build our home and shape the stones
and make it perfectly livable
all i need is your hand to set me free

these silhouettes and cardboard cut outs
walk the path that leads into my mind
but whos to say
they are welcomed to stay

for you ill exist in your thoughts and nowhere else
until you learn that when you soar and fly
you crash and burn and loose your smile

align the stars for me
and let their shining light guide me to where i need to be
then sedate me to ease the pain
that standing next to you always brings

its 1am and i'm at home
the doors are closed and i'm just sitting
playing cards with god, he's winning
the world comes undone

even lottery winnings run out sooner or later

i fall asleep every night in my chair
go upstairs
another puff
ill rest here awhile

the crowd parts to make way
the king waves and smiles
idiots

i try but you fade away
my brother my sister
all forgotten to my now
you are all somewhere in my thoughts
deep down inside my heart
soon you will all disappear
but still here
to love you

its hopeless
i've had enough
the masses have passed me by and knocked me out
left alone, is there any way to heal this smile
lost the facts
the meanings
suggestions
front and back between the lines i've read
that i am and that i am nothing
with no hands to hold
and no place to lay my head

bend
watch them all decay
structured endless shame
it grabs a hold and you cant get away

hate
pretend you have it made
let go of the shame you put up every day
to mask the pain

lie
to better fit you disguise your true life
it seems you're not quite real
and dead inside

fade
you'll never be the same
hold my hand to save yourself
your not quite well, always betrayed

now i see that this place hates despite all my beliefs
even if they're few and far between
existence for me means i'm the one that choses when
pull the trigger, a trigger to an end

my world decides to bend and i will never know if i will ever find myself
its not yet time, but please don't take too long
know that this place has nothing for us
life goes on
life goes on

i feel fine now
just, fine
and that's alright
life, designed to bring me down
i've designed
but im alright

another tuesday
our reality to bend and fold
some bend to dead ends  
we learn to live with it

wake up
its tuesday again
no i don't want to continue watching
i wont brush my teeth this morning

lightning strikes
without a sound
the energy surrounding me
much more than what's hidden in those clouds

hello hannah
a reminder that these dogs of war won't sleep
we wont see eye to eye on this
i get it
why bother blinking when you're know ill be right there at the end of it

hello hannah
we were good once
those days filed with smiles
neglected, forgotten, cast aside
so easy, too easy

hello hannah
till we meet again
ill be right here

i'm 35
and i don't matter
in a generation ill be forgotten
but my words on the screen will remain
at least until the domain payments stop
i'm 35
and i don't matter
in a generation ill be forgotten
we use to revere our elders, there knowledge
but now we have google so...
i'm 35
and i don't matter
in a generation ill be forgotten
we don't look at anyone anymore
Why waste the time, our best moments are online
tomorrow ill be 36
and i won't matter
it seems like its happened already
i'm 36 and i don't mater
i'm forgotten

I want the sun
and need the stars
but lets be honest
not the moon