I’m drowning in my thoughts,
Hoping one day I can finally be with you

I know not everyone will want me.
I only want you to stay in my life as long as possible.
I’m not going to ask forever but I’m hoping it will be longer than just tonight.
I know we just met but I can’t stop thinking about you.
I know it most be for a reason.
Please tell me I’m not the only one thinking this right now.
In the end of the day if I hear your voice then everything will be ok.

I tried coffee again after a long time.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like it was all the memores wrapped up in one cup.
She drank it every morning and kissed me goodbye.
The taste still on my lips and the caffeine running into my vines.
Wishing for more coffee just to remind myself of her.
I tried coffee again but this time it was different.
No more rushing feelings just plain old taste in my mouth.
I wonder if the taste ever reminds her of mornings with me.
Of what life could have been if she didn’t leave.

It's going to be ok.
Don't worry too much.
There isnt much you can do but I know you will try your best.
Some days you will want to run away from your own mind.
Im here to tell you that you won't be able too.
You can't run away from the bad but you can try to stop it.
Take a pill and hope it doesn't make you want to sleep your day away.
At least if you're fast asleep then nothing will hurt you.
Do you choose to stay awake by yourself or drug yourself to sleep every night?

I fall in love a little too fast.
My heart gets broken a little too much.
I will not regret those memories.
I fall too hard,
And smile too big about it.

What if she leaves again?
I'm not ready to say goodbye.
My heart will tear into it, but maybe that's for the better.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be in the end.
What if she never wanted me?

I wish my life was a fairy tale so you would be right next to me.
I wish my life was a fairy tale so I could finally have a princess sitting next to me.
I wish my life was a fairy tale,
Then maybe all the bad would disappear.
Disappear from everything that made me wish for a different life.
I wish my life was a fairy tale so then everything could be happiely ever after once again

He said I look pretty. That I'm his number one.
She told me that I'm lying and no one really cares about me.
He said I'm amazing and that I deserve
The world.
She told me I should leave the world, I almost did twice because of her.
He gave a me a pill and never felt better.
She gave me a knife and I never felt worse.
He made me feel unstoppable,
She stopped me in seconds.
He helped me get out of bed,
She chained me to it.
He gave me too many ideas but she didnt give me enough.
He was too good and it something felt off.
She was the devil running around my head.
He was my best friend but only vistited me once while.
She was my worst enemy but came too often.

It feels like a dream maybe too good to last.
Maybe too good to be true.
I sit back and relax not sure what is going to happen next.
I roll down my window and I finally understand what being peaceful means.
I thought it meant when im sitting next to you and you give me that look.
That says nothing bad is ever going to happen to you.
But I'm alone and I feel better than ever.
I hope this isn't a dream.
If this has to be I hope I never wake up unless you're next to me.

I wonder how he got away.
How the mystery was never solved.
Maybe everyone lied to cover this track with ****** money.
I wonder how he got away with breaking my heart.
He said he loved me a million times but ever thought he didn’t mean it.
Until the last day that changed everything.
He looked in my the face and smiled with all this teeth.
I love you for the rest of my life.
Then he left and no one has seen him since.

I wonder how everything is meant to be.
If I gave her five more minutes maybe she would still in my arms.
Maybe she would have been my last kiss and it could have lasted forever.
I thought she was the one for me.
Some days I even counted how long until we saw each other again.
The answer was it was always too long but I know she was the one.
I don't know if she agrees but my heart is broken into pieces waiting to be glued back together.
She is the only one with the right glue.
Maybe my heart will always be broken.
Maybe I lost the love of my life forever.

I can't get enough even if I try.
I always want to know more about her.
It's like having a friend that has secrets and all you're dying to know it.
I'm afraid one day she is going to say that I'm too much.
That I'm annoying her with all my messages.
I guess I never had someone like her in my life.
Someone that is there all the time and won't hesitate to fight your demons.
I hope she knows I would do the same

I wish I could be freed from this world.
That one day I won't be in pain with my own mind.
Maybe I will be able to find someone that loves me for me.
Not having to beg to be heard.
I wish I could be gone sometimes to make my mind shut up.
But it will be easier in the end.

I need you back in my life.
The pleasure that makes everything worth it again.
Hurt me and I won't tell anyone.
I promise to keep it my little secret.
I need you back in my life even with everyone disagrees.
Take my secrets and spread the lies all over my name.
Burn the little things I still have left.
I need you to make me a player in my own life.

Sometimes I feel unheard,
That my life doesn’t matter as much.
I look around the room and wonder if anyone feels the same.
I’m afraid to ask the question out loud, not wanting to get all the looks of Judgment
I go home and cry in my bed wondering if I made the right choice of making it to twenty three.
How can I keep on going with all this pain?
Why can’t I just say goodbye for one last time?
I tell myself that I can't leave her behind without a brother.

I look down and around,
Only to see him smiling at me.
It's the type of smile that screams run, but I stayed.
Maybe he isn't so bad after all.
I gave him a chance, and in seconds, the betrayal happened.
He took me by the arm and watched me scream in pain until it was over.
Until there was nothing more he could take.

Was everything meant to be?
Did something turn into nothing?
Maybe it was just in my head but I know you felt it too.
Don't make me feel crazy for something I know was real.

My life became a mess.
I started to love darkness more than the light.
It made me feel safer knowing soon all the stress would be gone.
I know that living isn't just surviving.
It's wanting to wake up to do something new.
To wanting to see the future not run from it.
I don't know if I was running but I was so used to not living I didn't see the reason to keep going.
To want to be happy because I didn't see a point in it.
A point to go to the light vs deep deep dark.

I look in the mirror and I see her.
The person I don’t want to be anyone.
The person who I wish will disappear for good.
I look in the mirror and want to run away but she is always with me.
There is no where to go.
No where to hide.
I look in the mirror on last time and see the things she left behind.

When the day finally comes and i close my eyes for the last time.
I hope my memories of this night replay in my head.
That the last breath of air was spent on saying the words that you told me.
“I love you until I can’t anymore”
The look you gave me would make anyone cry as I say it for the final time.

I gave her my heart over and over.
Hoping that nothing bad would happen.
Not thinking of how everything can go away in seconds.
My heart was pulled out my chest and stepped on with no regret.
I gave her my heart over and over,
Hoping it would be my last time.
Not knowing my heart would be damaged for ever.

I smile.
Does he notice how nervous I am?
My voice is shaking,
I’m starting to sweat.
He looks back at me and waves.
I start to blush,
I hope this isn't the end.

The boy who is closed off,
But comes running the second you text him.
He will be there,
You won't see him entering.
The goofy laugh he gives will shine in a darkened room.
He is closed but will let you in slowly.

I won at last.
In a week, my past is gone.
I get to start over finally,
I will smile bigger than ever.
I will cry from happiness,
And smile until the sun goes down.
In a week, I will be me more than ever.

I want to trust him,
I want to let my guard down.
He can't hurt me if I don't let him in.
I don't want to loose him due to my fear of the past.
I know I'm overthinking ,the first time I went in with hope is the time I got hurt the worse.
I told my self I would never give anyone trust again.

I want to look her in the eye and ask why we aren't together?
I have seen the way she looks at me when she thinks I'm not looking.
When the night gets cold and she asked me for my sweater without thinking.
How we are there for each other no matter what time is it.
Waking up in the middle of night to dream of the other.
I will ask her what she is afraid of.
To let her know that no matter what I will be here.

She trusted him with everything,
He took it and destroyed it after a day.
She thought it was by mistake,
Gave him one more chance.
He did it once again.
Laughed at the look of her teary eyes.

Break me,
I don't care anymore.
I am ready for my faith, after all.
Are you?

Wishing isn't the hard part,
Trying to believe this lousy day will only last a day.
It's easier to fall into old habits than fighting a war that's been going on for years.
I shut it out, but it's hard not to think that this is the start of the never-ending cycle of sadness that I fought so hard to get rid of.

All I want is answers,
Answers to why you left me alone.
Not even a text letting me know why it happen.
I may of sent the text but your the one that ended this a long time ago.

Give me a reason for staying.
Give me a reason to love you anymore.
I'm tired of not getting anything in return and waiting by the phone for a single text that never comes.
I wait and wait for someone to care about me but everyone passes by.
No one stops to say hello.
No one even says goodbye after breaking me.
Give me a reason to love anymore.
I can't do this anymore,
Please I'm tired.
I'm tired of missing someone that I can't have.

I didn’t know how broken I was until I got better.
The battle was hard but being broken is worse.
Seeing my family scared when they see me is painful.
The thought of losing you is worse.

Scared to ruin the friendship,
She hid her feelings as far down as they would go.
Not wanting to admit that the feelings never left.
Slowly making her crazy that they weren't together.
Not wanting to bring it up,
Smiling through the pain of seeing him with someone else.

I wish I could control it.
Not wanting to cry over the little things hoping it will go away.
When will it stop telling me things on repeat.
I tried to listen to the good in life but it's hard when the darkness is screaming in your ears.
Not wanting to burden anyone with my issues but trying to tell the truth at the same time.
Everyone telling me it will be ok and we aren't leaving.
How can I believe all the words when my mind wants to say the opposite.
Do I believe them or my broken mind.
Maybe I don't want to believe it's broken.
Maybe one day my pills will stop this all.
Or maybe I can stop it all.

I can be your Nick to your Charlie.
Your Jess to your Rory if you give me a chance.
I can give you everything you ever dreamed of.
Maybe I overthink about falling again,
Falling in love for someone that doesn't know who i am.
Waiting for the day that everything makes sense again as to why we aren't together.
Why do I spend every day waiting for the one text to tell me how you really feel.
Maybe that day won't ever come, and that's okay.

I'm falling hard,
I hope he is there to catch me.
He leaves me speechless,
My heart starts to race.
My smile can't hide when he's in the room.
I feel like I'm dreaming when he looks over.
If this falling I hope I never stop.

I found my old letters.
The ones are saying goodbye, and I'm sorry for everything.
I found my old letters.
The ones that hold the darkest of secrets that no one is meant to see until I disappear.
I found my old letters.
That wishes to leave instead of staying.
I found my old letters.
Now, they are old words that I don't need.

What happens to forever?
I always saw you in my future, but that's what I get for dreaming too big.
I thought we would end up together in the end.
Now I'm watching on the sideline as you live out the moments without me next to you.
I know I'm the one that called us off,
Thinking you would fight for us.
If you showed me anything, I would have stayed.
My love didn't run out,
Only the patience I had begging for attention.
I would have stayed in your arms if you had given me something.
I would drop everything to be back with you.
That shows all I wanted was the bare minimum.
You couldn't even give me that.

Medicine,
I wish I didn't need it to survive.
Take a sip of water to swallow the pill keeping me alive.
Medicine,
I used to think it was a weakness to rely on something to make me feel "normal."
Medicine,
Either make me better or worse, but I wouldn't be here without it.

When love comes to my door.
Would I let him in or turn his body away so I can’t be broken later.
He stands a few feet away with a smile and open arms.
I want him to come closer to hold my body.
I’m nervous about giving someone my young heart to keep in this hand.
When he comes knocking on my door I will give my love in return for his.

Her voice sounds like I'm finally home.
The way I feel myself is a gift I don't want to lose.
I'm falling for a girl that doesn't know my whole story.
I wish I could give her all my dreams.
The way I don't want to lose you is hurting my soul.
I wish I didn't want you like this.

I'm falling hard for a broken girl.
Her smile is a mess,
She never saw love before.
I tried to tell her that I love her,
She didn't believe me because I didn't have battle scars.
I love a broken girl.

Don't get mad.
I say with a nervous giggle,
Never knowing how they respond.
Tip toeing around my own house,
Not wanting to spark a ticking time bomb.
The silence gets louder,
My mind starts to scream.
Please don't get mad.
The only phase I knew in the broken home.
Hoping one day someone will understand why I start to shake when they raise their voice.

Freeze.
I stand still, waiting for a single whisper.
If I move,
Will everything good disappear?
Holding onto the memories that help me stay quite
Wondering if this moment will ever pass.

I was afraid to be myself Until I met her.
I never feel judged.
My face blushes,
When I see her name on my screen.
Staying up late just to send one more text.
In the end, its worth losing sleep

Will you be there for me,
When it’s crazy, and there is no stopping anytime soon.
If I have to leave in the middle of a dreamy day.
Will you fight for me when it seems too hard to do.
Would you sit by my door,
When it seems easier to go than stay?
Would you love me even if it’s easier not to?

Love has two sides,
The sweet, dreamy, and storytelling.
Or the evil that hides between every forced smile holding back treats, hoping no one around them notices their pain.
Growing up, I saw both sides.
Hoping one day I will find my long-lost prince.
Slightly feared the other type would find its way to me.
Love has two sides, one we all dream of or the nightmare we fear.

The lost love,
Hidden between secret friend's ships.
Holding on to the memories before it turns into long-lost tales.
Before her heart is gone forever, Always remember my love will never fade.
In the end, my heart was made for you.

My little heart flutters with butterflies.
It's the way he smiles at me and makes me feel special.
This time it will be different, or that's what I tell myself.
I'm not worried about falling, only for the after the mess of it all.
My little heart flutters with butterflies while my mind worries about how to prepare for the last goodbye.

Everything made sense in the end.
That's what I thought, but I was wrong.
The yelling got louder; I could barely hear myself think.
I wondered why this was happening, but I got no answer.
No one wanted to explain it to me.
No one wanted to help.