I watch you love her from the sidelines.
Waiting for my chance to come over and stop it all.
Nothing ever comes out of my mouth in time.
She leans over to kiss him while I'm trying not to cry.
She doesn't know how much I'm dying standing here.
I pick up a piece of paper hoping this will be my last time begging for someone
To notice me.
The visions in my head get stronger and my heart gets smaller.
The fear grows while the strength not to listen becomes more hopeless.

Days like this I don’t want to forget.
I will miss the laughs and walking down empty fields.
The smiles that could light up a dark sky.
I wish I could freeze today and replay until It comes true again.
I’m going to miss you when this is over.
When this ends up just being a memory

He asked the world for a sign.
His hands came up but the earth pushed him down.
They laughed at his weakness.
He asked for a sign to stay,
They gave me nothing hoping he will finally leave everyone alone.
He tried one last time asking but no one noticed his screams or pain.
He asked the world for a sign to stay.
Finally, the world decided to help him fight for another moment.

Stop this, please!
I can't keep falling for you,
You're the poison apple that tastes too good to be bad for me.
please leave me like the rest,
I'm not used to people staying this long

He never understood how a smile could hide,
A world was full of a terrible past.
He tried his hardest to love her, but it was too much in the end.
She didn't understand why it was her fault for loving too hard,
When growing up, that's all she ever knew.
She tried her hardest to move on, but it was too much to carry on her own.

Tell me the truth
Do you find me cute?
I find the way you write beautifully.
Your poems are like magic to my eyes.
This all started with a simple hey.

Give me a reason for staying.
Give me a reason to love you anymore.
I'm tired of not getting anything in return and waiting by the phone for a single text that never comes.
I wait and wait for someone to care about me but everyone passes by.
No one stops to say hello.
No one even says goodbye after breaking me.
Give me a reason to love anymore.
I can't do this anymore,
Please I'm tired.
I'm tired of missing someone that I can't have.

I won't be mad that you left.
I knew this day would come even thought you told me it wouldn't.
I believed almost every word that came out of your mouth.
That I would be your number one.
That no one could take my place.
Look how wrong I was because I'm crying at my keyboard wonder where I went wrong.
In the back of my mind this is a nightmare that should have came sooner.
I'm afraid to open my eyes knowing this is real life.
Knowing that I lost my other half to someone else.
I'm not mad that you are leaving.
I'm mad that I Believed you would stay.

I don't know what to say because I keep going blank.
I hear your name and I start to blush.
I wonder if it will ever stop.
I'm not sure what to say or where to go but I know I will always find you.

I can't believe I let this happen again.
She wasn't there for me for a while but I picked up the phone the second she called.
I listen to all her issues trying to make her feel better.
I wonder why I am doing this as if she would do the same for me but I'm not sure anymore.
I can't believe I fell for her looks.
The pretty girl who everyone likes came over to me and everything started to spiral.
I did everything for her and I mean everything.
After it was all done then she dropped me as if I was nothing.
But once I was her everything and I wondered how that all changed so fast.
So of course when she called I had to pick up.
I had to be there for her.

I found my old letters.
The ones are saying goodbye, and I'm sorry for everything.
I found my old letters.
The ones that hold the darkest of secrets that no one is meant to see until I disappear.
I found my old letters.
That wishes to leave instead of staying.
I found my old letters.
Now, they are old words that I don't need.

One day it will all make sense.
For now, we stay wishing for the day to come sooner.

I think I found the one,
The one that makes my heart jump up and down.
Not wanting the moment to end.
I think she likes me too.
She told me I was pretty but it could be all inside my head.
She smiled at me for a few seconds.
I think I found someone new,
She laughed at my jokes and made sure I knew.
Made sure I was paying attention to it.
I think i made her up.
Now she is gone,
No more smiles or laughing.
I told her I liked her too and she looked confused.
She said she was being friendly and didn’t mean anything else.
I think the end finally came.

I told her I love you all over again.
She said I loved you then.
My heart broke,
Who knew adding one letter to a word could cause such pain.
I said my love won't fade,
She said mine already did.
I told her I love you,
She said my love turned to loved the day you left.

I wish love wouldn’t fade; she would be next to me.
But now I see her in someone else arms.
Regretting every choice that got us here.
If only I cared a little more, Treated her better.
Maybe the love wouldn’t have faded after all.
Then this new man could have been erased from her story.

He said I look pretty. That I'm his number one.
She told me that I'm lying and no one really cares about me.
He said I'm amazing and that I deserve
The world.
She told me I should leave the world, I almost did twice because of her.
He gave a me a pill and never felt better.
She gave me a knife and I never felt worse.
He made me feel unstoppable,
She stopped me in seconds.
He helped me get out of bed,
She chained me to it.
He gave me too many ideas but she didnt give me enough.
He was too good and it something felt off.
She was the devil running around my head.
He was my best friend but only vistited me once while.
She was my worst enemy but came too often.

I spent too long in pain.
I am trying pill after pill to silence myself.
Afraid I would lose the battle of living.
I got close too many times,
With only a glimmer of hope left.
I tried the final option,
Which gave me the strength to get better.

I know not everyone will want me.
I only want you to stay in my life as long as possible.
I’m not going to ask forever but I’m hoping it will be longer than just tonight.
I know we just met but I can’t stop thinking about you.
I know it most be for a reason.
Please tell me I’m not the only one thinking this right now.
In the end of the day if I hear your voice then everything will be ok.

Why do I crave you after a while?
I don't want you back in my life, but at the same time, I do.
The memories haunt my dreams of the past.
Of everything you did to me, did to my body.
Why do I want you back?
I guess I miss the pain and the love that no one else can give me.

Was she nothing to him?
Were all the memories are thrown out the second he found someone prettier?
I remember the way he to look at her like she was the only person who mattered.
She was his world,
Now it's almost as if she ever even existed.

It feels like a dream maybe too good to last.
Maybe too good to be true.
I sit back and relax not sure what is going to happen next.
I roll down my window and I finally understand what being peaceful means.
I thought it meant when im sitting next to you and you give me that look.
That says nothing bad is ever going to happen to you.
But I'm alone and I feel better than ever.
I hope this isn't a dream.
If this has to be I hope I never wake up unless you're next to me.

My life became a mess.
I started to love darkness more than the light.
It made me feel safer knowing soon all the stress would be gone.
I know that living isn't just surviving.
It's wanting to wake up to do something new.
To wanting to see the future not run from it.
I don't know if I was running but I was so used to not living I didn't see the reason to keep going.
To want to be happy because I didn't see a point in it.
A point to go to the light vs deep deep dark.

I didn't want my secret to come out.
The world doesn't understand me like you do.
The secrets hide under layers, wondering if anyone notices.
Notices the scars made out of hopelessness.
Would you leave me if you saw the truth under the lies?
The lying of saying I'm doing better but drowning in my tears.
I don't want my secret to come out because I can't lose you now.

What if it was my sister?
My best friend?
The day you died, my heart turned up aside down.
I couldn't think of you for two years without crying.
There were many days I had to stop myself from visiting.
What if it was me?
Would people finally care that one of us was gone?
I told my self when it snowed, it was you saying hi to stop myself from breaking down.
What about all the memories?
The stories that we had together.
No one will meet you again.
I wish it could have been me, not you.
I wish it were all a bad dream.
I wish I didn't miss you.
I wish I could have gone with you.

I didn't think it would be so easy to release you from my memories.
All it took was deleting a photo and everything else disappeared.

Sometimes I feel unheard,
That my life doesn’t matter as much.
I look around the room and wonder if anyone feels the same.
I’m afraid to ask the question out loud, not wanting to get all the looks of Judgment
I go home and cry in my bed wondering if I made the right choice of making it to twenty three.
How can I keep on going with all this pain?
Why can’t I just say goodbye for one last time?
I tell myself that I can't leave her behind without a brother.

I look down and around,
Only to see him smiling at me.
It's the type of smile that screams run, but I stayed.
Maybe he isn't so bad after all.
I gave him a chance, and in seconds, the betrayal happened.
He took me by the arm and watched me scream in pain until it was over.
Until there was nothing more he could take.

Everything made sense in the end.
That's what I thought, but I was wrong.
The yelling got louder; I could barely hear myself think.
I wondered why this was happening, but I got no answer.
No one wanted to explain it to me.
No one wanted to help.

What if she leaves again?
I'm not ready to say goodbye.
My heart will tear into it, but maybe that's for the better.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be in the end.
What if she never wanted me?

I wish I could control it.
Not wanting to cry over the little things hoping it will go away.
When will it stop telling me things on repeat.
I tried to listen to the good in life but it's hard when the darkness is screaming in your ears.
Not wanting to burden anyone with my issues but trying to tell the truth at the same time.
Everyone telling me it will be ok and we aren't leaving.
How can I believe all the words when my mind wants to say the opposite.
Do I believe them or my broken mind.
Maybe I don't want to believe it's broken.
Maybe one day my pills will stop this all.
Or maybe I can stop it all.

I need you back in my life.
The pleasure that makes everything worth it again.
Hurt me and I won't tell anyone.
I promise to keep it my little secret.
I need you back in my life even with everyone disagrees.
Take my secrets and spread the lies all over my name.
Burn the little things I still have left.
I need you to make me a player in my own life.

What if parents just loved for us.
If the listen to our broken cry's.
Imagine If we weren't alone anymore and had a someone who wanted us.
Not another struggle for them to through in our face.
I wonder if I will ever be good enough for them.
One tells me how much she loves me and other only sees me as a cheap sitter.
Throwing daggers at me whenever they get a chance.
I don't understand what I did for him to stop treating me as someone who they care about.
Maybe this is there way of caring but it hurts.
I don't want to deal with this anymore.

I can be your Nick to your Charlie.
Your Jess to your Rory if you give me a chance.
I can give you everything you ever dreamed of.
Maybe I overthink about falling again,
Falling in love for someone that doesn't know who i am.
Waiting for the day that everything makes sense again as to why we aren't together.
Why do I spend every day waiting for the one text to tell me how you really feel.
Maybe that day won't ever come, and that's okay.

I wonder why I kept the letters all this time.
Maybe I was hoping he would come back the more I read it.
That he would just appear out of nowhere.
But nowhere ever came; no one ever came.
I wonder why I kept the letters all this time
Maybe I was hoping it would help my tears go away.
It didn't; it never does.
He will never find me the same again.

I can't get enough even if I try.
I always want to know more about her.
It's like having a friend that has secrets and all you're dying to know it.
I'm afraid one day she is going to say that I'm too much.
That I'm annoying her with all my messages.
I guess I never had someone like her in my life.
Someone that is there all the time and won't hesitate to fight your demons.
I hope she knows I would do the same

Hi! Isn't today a great day!
Hi.. please dont see behind my fake smile.
I have these ideas that I can't wait to do.
Don’t give in, try to hold a little longer.
I’m going to take over the world soon, I just know it.
Well I see next week?
No need for sleep,there is so much to do.
I slept 15 hours and I just want to go back to bed.
Will this last forever?
Will this last forever?

If the world was ending would you be here next to me?
Would everything else just disappear and feel normal for another second?

I tried coffee again after a long time.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like it was all the memores wrapped up in one cup.
She drank it every morning and kissed me goodbye.
The taste still on my lips and the caffeine running into my vines.
Wishing for more coffee just to remind myself of her.
I tried coffee again but this time it was different.
No more rushing feelings just plain old taste in my mouth.
I wonder if the taste ever reminds her of mornings with me.
Of what life could have been if she didn’t leave.

I won't ever beg him to stay,
The day I need to his love will already be too far gone.

I look in the mirror and I see her.
The person I don’t want to be anyone.
The person who I wish will disappear for good.
I look in the mirror and want to run away but she is always with me.
There is no where to go.
No where to hide.
I look in the mirror on last time and see the things she left behind.

When love comes to my door.
Would I let him in or turn his body away so I can’t be broken later.
He stands a few feet away with a smile and open arms.
I want him to come closer to hold my body.
I’m nervous about giving someone my young heart to keep in this hand.
When he comes knocking on my door I will give my love in return for his.

Will this be my fairy tale?
I hold on tight to the slight hope that lingers.
When he says goodbye, I wonder if this time he means forever.
I wonder if this will be my fairy tale or the start of my never-ending heart break.
Will all his love give me enough trust not to be worried for the future?
It's not his fault that he picked a damaged heart to love.

This wasn't goodbye,
This was a constant reminder that it was in control.
That it can pull me back anytime, anywhere.
I asked to be set free but instead, I cry my mind blank.
Waiting to go numb.
This wasn't goodbye,
Only the reminder that the will always follow me.

She a broken book,
Pages falling out everywhere.
No one takes the time to help put her back together.
She's a broken book,
Hoping to be given one more chance.

I'm scared, not knowing what to expect,
I trust with everything that's inside of my twisted heart.
Trying to erase half the love styles I saw growing up.
When he says he loves me,
Is that all of me or just parts that he wants to believe?
I'm scared he will not understand the truth when it comes out.
I want him to hold me tighter instead of letting go.

Was everything meant to be?
Did something turn into nothing?
Maybe it was just in my head but I know you felt it too.
Don't make me feel crazy for something I know was real.

The world just paused,
Everything went quite.
Nothing looked the same as the moment before.
All of a sudden I hear the words that bring me back for a second.
I want to break up with you.
The pieces are falling once again,
Will the world ever stay moving or will I be stuck in this time loop for ever.

I fall in love a little too fast.
My heart gets broken a little too much.
I will not regret those memories.
I fall too hard,
And smile too big about it.

I miss the words we used to sing together,
Saying that we would be together for ever.
Now my head is spinning every time I look at you.
I try to take a grip but now my hands are slipping. Trying to stay standing not wanting to fall a second time.

The walls look a little whiter than normal.
Why is the fan making such a loud noise?
Did my room always look this messy?
Maybe it's all in my head but this doesn't seem right.
Everyone is moving on I'm still stuck in the same moment.
The moment everyone forgot about.
I hid the blades but there always in the back of my mind.
Wondering when I will need them next to shut up my lonely mind.
The one that keeps trying to talk even thought I don't want to hear it.
The thing that makes me feel more hurt than anyone in my family.
I don't even have my family just my phone with random people to text that don't even want me.
So I sit here alone again for the tenth day in a row.