Everything made sense in the end.
That's what I thought, but I was wrong.
The yelling got louder; I could barely hear myself think.
I wondered why this was happening, but I got no answer.
No one wanted to explain it to me.
No one wanted to help.

Somedays, I dream of never leaving; until I open my eyes, I see how real the day becomes.
I beg for nighttime to come sooner to take me away from this place.

Sometimes I can't breathe.
Somedays I feel myself getting dragged underwater.
The other part of me watches and laughs.
I try to make it back to the surface but I can't hold on to anything.
Sometimes I can't breathe under all these thoughts.
Some days I feel too heavy to fight.
At some point, I stopped caring.

Fall for me,
I beg at night while I watch his eyes wander.
Wondering why I'm not getting his attention.
Knowing I will always be the second choice waiting to be picked.
Today he forgot about all the little lies and heartbreak that came from his mouth.
I put on a smile and pretended that he really did change.
Knowing that it's an act that will last a day.

I don't know what to say because I keep going blank.
I hear your name and I start to blush.
I wonder if it will ever stop.
I'm not sure what to say or where to go but I know I will always find you.

a girl stayed home waiting for a person that didn't show.
He went out and forgot she even existed.
She was known as the girl who Wasted another night, while he had unforgettable moments.

He makes me believe in fairytales all over,
The sound of his voice reminds me of the calmness of rain falling.
I wish I could see myself the way he sees me.
He makes me believe in never-ending happiness; I used to think that wasn't possible.
I thought I wasn't worthy of all of this and should get prepared to get played until he taught me otherwise.
He makes talking about the future sound like forever.

If only he understood how hard it is not to Relapse,
To Ignore the buzzing in my head that screams at night.
If only he could see the fear behind the smiles,
the Numbness after all Images go through my mind.
One day it won't affect me,
But today, I hope for a second chance.

I thought I was finally happy until I opened my eyes and realized I was only In a daydream.

I loved a boy,
I thought he loved me too.
He was the man of my dreams until I woke up to see it was someone else.
I loved a boy,
He never truly felt the same.
I thought maybe it was all in my head until I opened my eyes.
He was in love with a girl,
That is a thing I will never be.

Was she nothing to him?
Were all the memories are thrown out the second he found someone prettier?
I remember the way he to look at her like she was the only person who mattered.
She was his world,
Now it's almost as if she ever even existed.

Why did I give my heart away?
I thought this time it would be a different story to tell.
The type that ends with smiles instead of tears.
The one where everyone wins,
but this isn't that type of story.
Instead, one person lost all their heart and gained broken trust.
I gave my heart away, hoping for a different type of ending.

I used to be afraid of the unknown,
Never knowing who will leave at the first sign of darkness.
Scared, the man I set my heart on would slowly have enough.
I used to be afraid of hurting those close to me,
Now I let them in at the times when it's the most important.
I'm not afraid of the future,
only shutting those who I love.

I miss the words we used to sing together,
Saying that we would be together for ever.
Now my head is spinning every time I look at you.
I try to take a grip but now my hands are slipping. Trying to stay standing not wanting to fall a second time.

It’s not that I want to leave,
but how much it hurts to see her not in my arms.
Her smile starts to fade when I leave.
I wish she knew how hard I would fight for us to be
I may be 5,875 miles away,
I would walk that to see her once again.
It’s not that I want to leave.
It’s hard to miss someone who you ever had.

I'm not upset anymore.
This is good bye until we meet again,
I hope you remember me as the boy that stayed up late just to say hi.
I knew nothing last forever,
Was hoping this would be different.
The first time I sent you a text I didn't think we would be friends like this.
I hope one day we meet in person.
I wish this wasn't goodbye but happy for the times we had.

I really like you.
I'm too afraid to give my heart up again.
Will you promise not to break me?
Will you let me know when the love is gone in your eyes?
I can't watch you fall out of love.
Just to turn around and feel that way with someone else more then you ever did with me.
It's ok to leave,
Don't go without a word please.

I look up at the stars every time hoping one day I will see him waving back at me.
It's been almost two years since his last goodbye.
It doesn't mean my love for him is lost,
The memories still stayed.
My heart still stings,
I wish he didn't have to go.

How can he dislike everyone but act happy all the time?
The smile is always there but means words come across his mouth like a loaded gun.
Always talking about how he wants to leave but stays for some reason.

Luisina.
Where did she go?
I only see her in my dreams late at night,
When everyone is gone.
What if she is make believe?
My mind is on over drive trying to find her.
The thoughts are talking over that she won't back to say goodbye.
I want to hold her one more night.
To tell her"I love you Luisina".
Before she disappears on me.
I think it's too late.
My love won't leave like she did.

I hope one day I can smile when thinking of her.
I know that day was darker than a sky with no stars.
I didn't want break your heart in to a thousand pieces,
only wanted to smile again.
The way to that was to leave you behind.
I kept the memories but that's all I can take.
A little part of me still loves you but not enough to fight for something that was already lost.
I hope one day I can smile again when thinking of you.

Hello,
Are you there.
Wasting time on someone who doesn't even care for me.
Who only wants the attention until someone new comes around.
It took him a year to finally tell me what his Plan was.
Some how it was my fault for falling in the trap.
At least my heart can heal but not the same for my trust .

The sky is giving me a warning sign.
A dark x which tells us to run,
Run and don't look back.
The world is playing games with our minds and nothing can save us if we stay.
Stars are getting darker instead of brighter.
The screams are getting louder,
Families are getting torn apart.
It's hard to tell what's going to happen if we leave with out everyone.
The x is getting bigger
Time is almost out.
What will we do?

I'm not used to crying for missing people.
This year my eyes are filled with tears for saying goodbyes to those I love.
I know we will talk again.
When we meet as strangers,
The memories that will be stories for new friends.
Keeping all photos hidden deep close to me.
Making sure I never forget what you mean to me.

I woke up wondering what happened to us.
Sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring,
Hours pass, and no text messages are sent.
I remember when we stayed up all night chatting until the sun came up.
Picturing what our futures hold,
Now all I see is empty memories of what could have been.

Even with all the medicine, she still won't leave me alone.
Reminding me one day how the person you like will go any second.
Stop smiling; he doesn't even notice you.
I sit on my floor, trying to think of all the stuff he ever said to me.
The voice gets louder, and it won't turn off.
I sent another text,
She tells me you are driving him away.
I deleted it,
Only to regret it a second later.

The cloudy sky started to crying,
That's when everything around went silent.
I looked for someone, but there was no one near to hear my screams.
The sky started to get darker than it ever had before.
I tried running,
I wasn't fast enough.
The clouds changed to bright red. I knew this meant game over.
Then out of nowhere, everything went back to normal.
My mind was seeing the future all over again.

Stay where you are.
Don't move, or everything will go up in flames.
I wait another minute, hoping this nightmare will go away.
Nothing has changed besides the laughs that turned into wines.
No one knows if we will get out.
Stay where you are, or be ready to fight something you can't see.

The man with all the secrets,
Still only cares about himself.
Unless a pretty woman walks across his view.
He will forget all respect and hopes that make her beg for me.
The man will date others to make her jealous.
This will happen until she gives in or he finds someone new to mess with.

I watched her fall out of love faster than anything else.
The smiles turned into tears.
Late nights went to early goodbyes.
The worst was hearing the pain in her voice when saying I love you for the last time.
That's how I knew it was over.

A flower is similar to dating,
Looks super sweet and will last for a long time.
Until the pedals start to slowly disappear, leaving an empty stem.
Then you look for a newer and prettier one,
Hoping this time, it will last longer than the last
Never understanding why it keeps getting old but never giving it attention.

If love was a book,
It would come in many forms.
Starting as the tales, we read at night to chapter books that take months to read.
If love was a book,
I would read it over and over, never wanting to stop hoping it would come true.
Dreaming of the day when I no longer have to read to figure out what it means.
If love was a book,
I would hope I was secretly reading about you.

I wish I wasn’t born trans,
Then maybe I would love my bare body instead of putting my hands over the chest that didn’t ask to be there.
Wishing the hands would turn my chest into the flat board that I desire.
Hoping one day this will be in my deepest of memories,
Maybe In that other life I would have wanted to share my body with my eyes open.
When i say I wish I wasn’t trans,
I mean I wish I didn’t smile more when thinking of getting parts of myself removed.
I mean I wish I got the easy way
I mean I wish
I wish I loved myself how everyone else loved me growing up.

Trauma is funny like that…
The best jokes come from it,
Hiding the pain that lives underneath the laughs.
Trying hard to remember the lost childhood,
Wondering why it's so blurry.
Trauma is funny like that...
It's a wild card that will come out at any time.
Giving us endless stories to tell,
Hoping not to scare anyone off all the damage.

I never thought someone had this in them to tear one's heart this badly.
My body is still healing after years of broken promises and empty emotions.
He treated me like I was special,
Only to be thrown out moments later.
I never thought I would regret loving someone until I met them.
Thoughts run through my head until I get high enough for them to disappear.
The dreams I had turned into dust when his hand touched my lonely heart.

Does he think of me?
When we are apart, does he wants all of me or dread coming home.
The smile is probably a mask to hide his pain.
He says he wants me,
His eyes tell a different story.
The Look says he is thinking of a way to leave.
Does he think of me or the boy he wishes I could be?
Please tell me how you really feel.
I can't be someone who wants to be anywhere else but home.

Will this be my fairy tale?
I hold on tight to the slight hope that lingers.
When he says goodbye, I wonder if this time he means forever.
I wonder if this will be my fairy tale or the start of my never-ending heart break.
Will all his love give me enough trust not to be worried for the future?
It's not his fault that he picked a damaged heart to love.

I love you, that's it.
Let the whole world listen while I scream as loud as my body lets me.
I love you
Everything else is gone when you are next to me.
I love you
The time that is taken is given back to me when you are in my arms.
I love you
Never will I want to stop saying these three words.
I love you.
Even when I'm confused about everything else, I know how I feel about you.

I missed you.
Then all the memories came rushing through my head.
I realized I only missed the thought of you.
When you came back all the hate I forgot about was there again.
I missed you.
Then I remember how much pain you leave behind.
I realized I only wanted what I didn't have.

When his hands are on mine, I slowly melt in the arms around me.
My voice starts to fade, He holds me tighter to reassure me I'm safe.
When his hands are on mine, I feel the time has paused.
He brings out a part of me that I hid away afraid of getting hurt again.

I think of him.
Waiting for a second chance to prove I wasn't a waste of memories.
I close my eyes hoping to run into him.
All I hear is it's time for me to go.
My heart Shutters all over again.
I think of him before feeling kicks in.
Before everything changed.

My mind desires him,
Even at the dead of night.
For if the house goes cold,
My thoughts of him warm my heart.

He never understood how a smile could hide,
A world was full of a terrible past.
He tried his hardest to love her, but it was too much in the end.
She didn't understand why it was her fault for loving too hard,
When growing up, that's all she ever knew.
She tried her hardest to move on, but it was too much to carry on her own.

He is my movie, my book, my music.
The entertainment keeps me distracted when I wish upon it the most.
He makes me feel loved for all parts of myself, even those people who told me I should change.
When I say I feel safe with him, he makes me feel ways that I haven't felt in a long time.
He brings back memories that I have forgotten existed.
He is everything I dreamed of, and when I say I love him, I mean I will fight for him no matter what.
We are not perfect, but he is ideal for me.

He's scared of letting go,
She helped him believe again.
She didn't have a family,
He became her missing piece.

I wish I could write without him on my mind.
Before he controlled my memories and made me forget my weaknesses.
I wish I could write without having to think,
How it used to be before I was in love,
Before I let him get inside my walls.
I wish I could write my sadness Away without having to stop.

He used his words as chains to hold her tight,
She believed everything, even when the truth showed itself.
Her love kept her in place after everything else disappeared.

A son of a cheater,
I saw them all get played.
He used the same moves on the poor women entering his life.
First, gain their trust, then play mind games that way; he’s never in the wrong.
Second, give them what they want, then slowly take it away without noticing.
Third, degrade them but not enough that they will leave on their own,
Enough that they will stay begging for more.
A son of a cheater,
Learn how to cause pain like a hurricane.

If she meant nothing, then why are you with her right now?
Were all the words told from your mouth just lies engraved in a loop to every girl you ever loved?
I thought you meant it until the truth started sneaking out slowly after a glass or two.
If she meant nothing, then why did you choose her over me?
Were all the memories made up in my head in the end?
I’m trying hard not to be mad because, in the end, you played me better than anyone ever will.

If I was lost, would you be there to help me find my way?
Some days will be tough,
There are days that you'll need a second to breathe.
If I finished early would you give me other things to do?
Some times will be louder than can imagine,
Take a second to help the class get back to a softer tone.
If I was falling behind, would you stay longer to help me catch up?
Some students won't want to learn,
Put on your thinking cap and try to take the stress away.
If I didn't believe in myself, would you teach me how?