Dear ADHD/depression
Why did you pick me?
Maybe it was to teach me life wasn’t meant to be easy.
I want to say thank you.
Thank you for having me fight- having me show that I want to be alive.
I never knew how strong I was until finally, my mind was free.
Three years of trying to survive but too weak to fight back.
All started freshman year trying so hard to stay another day.
I took the pen and let the devils draw on my arm and felt no pain.
You made me heartless under a masked smile that everyone believed.
I wore cut-up socks to cover up the scars that you caused me.
Sh was my drug of choice- it made the pain go away for a second.
Just like any habit, I needed more to be happy.
Late at night, I let my devils draw anywhere they wanted.
Wearing pants to cover up their artworks.
February 2020
the day my life almost ended. Afraid of what would happen if I stayed home another hour.
summer 2020
wishing my pain would go away.
December 2020
decided the fight was minutes from ending.
December 10th, 2020
the day I started living. Under all this hate was hidden ADHD.
Sometimes I still miss you but have my memories to show the truth.
Thank you for making me choose life.
from
the angle that isn’t ready to go home yet.

She wanted his attention,
But only got left on read.
She treated him like a king
He played her like a video game.
She was heartbroken, all he did was
Laugh.
Her heart healed and his started to break.

Days are getting longer
Her voice is getting softer.
My friends tried to warn me
I didn’t listen.
My heart got too attached. Now it’s paying the price.
She left me, but now it is back.
I want to see her what if she leaves again?
My heart is not ready yet.

Watch me move.
Watch me lie,
Watch me live.
I will show you, love, unlike you did to me.
I need to let you go.
You held me down too long.
Never meeting halfway,
Come to me or leave.
My love isn’t strong enough for the both of us.

Look at me
Look, I did it!
Always telling me I won’t make it.
Then how did I beat the race?
Looking ahead but seeing nothing but flowers... but now I didn’t win.
I lost and I will always lose.
I will never win because I have too much hope and don’t look at reality.
I don’t care what people say! I didn’t die so I won.
I didn’t live but I’m trying.
I didn’t fly to the top but I didn’t end on the floor.
Look I did it! I will always make it to my own goals.
It may not theirs but it’s mine

If I held his hand a little longer would that have kept him next to me?
he left with no goodbye,
thinking he wasn’t coming back this time.
Maybe if I was someone else, he would still be next to me.

The day of lost
The day I won’t forget.
The screaming of happiness blocked out by madness .
Candy hearts turned into poison.
The memories sting but never disappear.
Love is the word that keeps us waiting.
I lost my love but at least I’m not gone.
Waiting each year for a rose that won’t turn into lies.

My hand is shaking,
The wind was yelling out your name.
Is this the sign of bowing down before it's too late?
I'm scared for the battle that may follow.
I found a broken bottle and saw myself holding the white flag.

She sits there hoping not to be notice.
Waiting every second to burst out of her bubble but not knowing where it will take her.
Ever knowing when to jump to the next step too afraid to fail.
Seconds are feeling like months, trying soo hard to leave a broken city.
Dreaming for the days when everyone will know her name.
Each day is a step towards her goals not letting one in her way.
Making new friends to fill the gaps of losing everyone she knew.
Parents that bully instead of support but just enough to make her work harder to reach her dreams.

I love you.
Watch me scream it to the top of the world.
No one will miss it.
I will hold you tight until I can't anymore.
When you're cold, I will give you my sweater to warm you up.
My ear is only one call away to listen to anything that's on your mind.
I love you.
That's one thing that won't ever change as long as we're together.
I love you.
The three words that make or break a relationship.
I stand here tonight offering you my love
Will you decline or take it off of me?

I'm a believer in love
That it doesn't go away overnight.
Maybe it shows up one day without a reason,
Only to beg for it to stay longer.
Love has seen the world go around and around, waiting for the right people.
The type of people who aren't afraid of going the extra mile.
Who are crazy about one another in every Universe.

My person is out there,
Dreaming of the day we meet.
Hoping it will be a night to remember until the next one.
I wish I could tell them I'm ready, but no hurry, take your time, my love.
I will meet everyone to get to you.
We won't know who the other is until the first hello.
The first stare into each other's eyes.
The first day of the rest of our lives, we will spend daydreaming of the other.
I will smile every day just hearing their name.
Today is the first of many tries.

We went from love to loved.
Texts to history books,
Everyone will know our story.
Even if it's through tears or yelling.
I wish share the good to those who will listen.
It was young love,
But a life time of stories.
No good book is happy all through way.
I hope your happy.

I’m sorry for all the lies
The mean words that hurt.
The long nights of screaming
I didn’t mean any of it.
I love her.
My heart stops when I hear her voice.
How to prove to the world that I’m enough?
I won’t stop loving her.
I will sell my soul for this,
Never stop looking if she moves.
I find my other half
She would be here with me
If it wasn’t for you.

I never thought someone could make me feel this loved until I met her.
She hugged me and told me to hold on,
That life is only starting. To fight a little longer.
She stayed with me during my darkness, taught me how to love again.

I loved her away,
gave too much and no not enough space.
Wanted her the most when that was the thing holding her back.
I loved her away,
By not knowing how to love myself first.
I loved her away,
By wishing for something that neither of us was ready to give.
I loved her away, like loving wasn’t creating a distance between each other

He used her.
He was the pretty boy with brown eyes
Hair was smoother than a new blanket.
She was the shy girl
Hiding behind words on a blank page.
She loved him
He used that to hurt her in every way.

Love is a broken match.
Each day is trying to find the perfect person.
The one that makes you better because that’s all you hear from your parents.
Love will find you.
First, love yourself, and it will come when you are ready.
Stop trying to make a fair tale happen.
Books are written when the writer is ready.
The tale of you is still being worked on.

I’m sorry you love me,
Still learning how to accept this.
I fear what love can do to a couple.
Promise me no matter what, you’ll never use my love against me.

Two star cross lovers meet at the wrong time.
The world split them up but their love last for ages.
They meet new people but dream of the memories that stayed.
Until one day they meet again and realize that too much time has past.
It took them half there lives but finally found their happy endings even if it wasn't with each other.

Welcome to the month that you hear everyone stories, then the people who usually just make fun of them say how much they care.
People like me suffer every day, but usually, no one cares.
Please don’t tell me to pick to be happy.
I didn’t choose to be sad.
I chose to live, which the hardest of them all.
Maybe dying would be more comfortable, but I won’t give up to be another static.
I’m not a number that will be seen in the news, and people who hated me will make a post about how much they loved me.
My pain isn't a way for others to make money.
Happy national  awareness time.
I hear you
I’m with you
Don’t fly yet.
There is still come.
I love you all.

Blah blah blah
Take me to shut your mind up.
You know you really want me.
All you have to do is find me.
(Takes one pill)
Now I control you,
Without me you suffer.
What if you can’t get more of me.
Will you hid behind a broken smile begging to get me.
Begging so much people think you have an addiction.
Blah blah hurt self.
I told you need me and you didn’t believe it.
Come on take one more.
You know you really want too.
(Finally takes it again)
Everything just stops.

Take a med and swallow.
Take a med and swallow.
Take a med and wish you could stop.
But you can't and you never will.
Skip a med and hope you're ok.
Skip a med and hope you're ok.
I don't want to feel like a zombie but I don't know what to do.
I'm happy and I don't want it to change.
Take a med and swallow.
Skip a med and hope you're ok.
What do I do now? I thought everything was normal but my whole night is fading.
I can barely keep my eyes open.
Stop the meds but then you will suffer.
Take a med and fall asleep.
Skip a med and hope you're ok.

I’m gone
The happiness left.
All that is left is saddens.
Here the birds singing,
Telling me to run.
I asked where they said anywhere your mind is coming.
Why i am running from my own mind?
I must be my worst friend.
Help me please! I need to run!
I heard a girl telling me to follow her, I do.
Oh no it was my Brain.
Please help me escape
I can’t stay here. It will **** me.
I will wait it’s been 3 years, I can wait another day.

They all warned me
They said, please don’t go.
Don’t follow him he will just leave you.
I didn’t listen
He said he would never hurt me
I was too young to understand he was lying.
The first year was right; then, I saw his true colors.
He only wanted me for my body.
Everyone could see it but me.
I missed the warning signs.
Now I’m heartbroken once again.

My first love
He was my first love.
The way he made me laugh was filled with 100 smiles.
I couldn’t get enough of his calming voice, it always made my day.
Then things took a turn.
The goodnight text disappeared,
I was blind sided by love to see it.
To see the ending of our love.
I wished my love was strong enough for two, it never came close to your hateful words.
I loved you turned into ways to shut me up. I shouldn’t of trusted love at first sight.

I’m in a field of nothing
I look for the opening, its hard not to think.
I clear my mind and fill it up with drugs to
Stop the emotions.
The field is my mind, there is no going back.
The weather is my emotions changes every few minutes,
One second it is sunny and chill.
The next second is the storm of nasty words and
Sharp objects.
The worst is the last the snow of numbness
When it touches get I confused and lost.
The field will grow one day
One day I will see the pretty views over the icy rivers.

I want to get better
but then I won’t have her in my life.
She is a mystery to my boring ways
Always telling me not to get caught.
One would say the devil to my shoulder
I would say the voice that wants to get heard.
I need her to feel something but she is the poison
To my mind.

The tapping my chest flat and hiding the bandages,
Thinking know one would notice.
Cutting my hair little by little because I never liked it.
Screaming when my parents called me by my name.
Wishing they would call me something else.
Making up reasons why I couldn't play videos when I was in them.
Hating my voice and plugging my ears,
Thinking one day it will change.
Still people wonder why I "choose to be trans".
I didn't choose this life,
It choose me.

Never have I ever said I loved someone when I didn’t.
Never have I ever said something I didn’t meant.
I put my life in these poems to get a few views.
I want to be noticed but I don’t want to lose my self.
I’m already slipping back into the old me.
I’m crying knowing the hospital is calling my name.
Even if im crying I know that I never told I lie to the people I love.

They were together for a long time,
Both two scared to leave the other.
Wondering if love was supposed to feel this way.
Not wanting to come home to the other .
Hoping the feeling would change but it never did.
They thought they were soulmates and didn’t want to hurt the other.
Until one day when they realized that their heart broke more being together than being apart.

Her smile faded after the last goodbye.
She thought they would be together,
He had other plans.
He was her everything
He only wanted her for a dare.
They laughed together only to end the night in Betrayal.

I look at it with tears in my eyes.
What's there, you may ask?
Nothing just empty thoughts of pain waiting to happen.
I see the future of regret,
I’m wishing to take the last ten seconds back.
I look at my tattoo one more time to give me hope,
The snowman tattoo smiles, praying I let go of the past.
Nothing will change until I do.

I really can't sit still,
Falling over the simplest hellos.
Wondering if the phone will ever ring.
I need a new start,
A way out of this mess that I started.
Hoping I will wake up and see what's really in front of me.
This isn't who we are meant to be with.
It's a stranger disguising as our lover.
I really can't understand why I fall over the simplest hellos.

Hello
What was it?
Was I too nice and caring?
I tried to love him
But it wasn’t enough.
He thinks I’m going to come back.
My heart broke in two waiting for him to want me back.
I thought I didn’t deserves happiness but my mind was clouded with his words,
My Lungs were filled with hate
Now I found the light.

One phase that can change it all.
“It’s okay.”.
Never knowing if it's real or a way to end a conversation.
She smiles and nods,
I slowly walk away, only to turn around to see her crying on the floor.
The ok was a cover for a hidden mess.
she would get yelled at for being too dramatic,
Now the girl keeps everyone out.
With a simple, okay.

I love Him i do
I'm scared for the future
I put my heart the line and got hurt.
I couldn’t listen to the song from our first kiss.
I’m putting my trust in your hands.
He hurt me once, I believe we are end game.
I want a future with him but what if doesn’t  he want me back.
I have seen the way my dad ripped out girls hearts like a Game.
I’m sorry if he doesn’t want me.
I will again tomorrow

Time for the same poem about the same things.
The right girl or the wrong boy.
The depression sad ones to make us cry.
Wanna be writers like me trying to make it.
All using the same topics but only some get  notice.
We are playing the same game in a small world.

All I can do is cry
My hope is done with us.
I wanted this to least
There is nothing to fix.
Your heart never let his arms
While mine waiting to be loved.
I wish I could be him.
I wish I could stop your pain.
Go back in time and fix the mistake
If it’s true love why didn’t it work?
All they can say is nothing
Even that is too much.
Go!
I’m not holding you back.

The wind got louder
Whispers started to fade
Like the love we once had.
I look at the pictures and wonder why I can’t remember any of this.
My mind is going insane trying to put the pieces together.
Was this really love?
All I feel is Emptiness when thinking of you.
Please help me Figure this out.

Kids are told crying brings shame to the family.
Ever since that day, I hold my breath when walking to make sure no one hears me.
Afraid someone will see me and tell me I was a mistake.
I see the world through a different lens than others.
Growing up, I saw the people I love to treat others like trash.
Thinking one day someone will treat me the same.
When I hear conflict, I run the other way hoping I won't get

All the lost time is catching up with me.
I wish I didn’t leave her,
I lost my first love.
I see her happy with a different boy.
All the new inside jokes and laughs,
That should me.
I should be holding her tight
Please forgive me
I can’t take this pain anymore.

Don't break her,
I know it's hard to stay.
She waited for him when no one else would.
Stayed up late to make sure he got home ok.
She stayed even when he chose everyone over her.
One day I hope she finds someone's better.
Sadly her heart can't leave even when everyone tells to move on.

I’m afraid of getting bad again.
I don’t think I will ever get better if I do.
The darkness was scary but I know it’s not gone for ever.
I’m afraid of loosing you.
I don’t want to say goodbye,
One day I will lose you.
I hope you don’t leave when the darkness comes back.
I feel selfish saying I want you to stay with me.
I want your sunshine and late night talks.
If I get lost again please go looking for me.
Please don’t say goodbye.
When it’s time to go,
I will wave from the other side.

Hey
That's the last thing she said to me.
Next thing she is gone.
I wanted to tell her how much I wanted her.
I would never leave her side.
It’s too late now, thanks to people Like you.
Telling her, she won’t make it.
She was going to be my all.
I only have her photo and laughs in my mind.
I wish I could get those night backs.
I will never move on I promise

I never knew she would be the one.
Her long blonde hair swings in the rain.
The smile she gives after one laughs makes me eep of joy.
How can I be so in love with someone ever meant
I feel like I know her from my dreams.
Maybe this dream will turn into reality

The day my light starts to fade.
I look towards the window waiting for the storm to take over my mind.
From the moment of the rain pouring to the last drop, my body is frozen from the darkness.
Never worried about the next moment instead focused on the movie that is playing right in front of my eyes.
The rain saved me once before it will do it again.

Are you leaving me for her?
What did I do to deserve this?
That’s the last things I said to him.
He left me for another, I hope she is better.
Does she know The way you laugh at little things?
I hope she treats you better then me.
This better work out because you lost me, the day you picked her over me.
The day you left me crying on your bed.
I thought you were my end game but now I’m watching your Twitter for updates.
Please tell me it was worth it.
Please tell me this wasn’t for nothing

She gave him all her love,
Only for him to take her heart for years then ruin her trust in the end.
He saw someone easy to take control of, which set his never-ending plan in motion.
She had love in her eyes until he took everything the poor women had.
He made her believe it was all her head; that's why she stayed to the end.
The day it ended was the day she had no more for him to steal.
All the trust and hopeless feelings ruin out.

The time is coming,
Pack up everything and run.
I don’t think we can stay together,
Promise me that you will fight.
Don’t show weakness,
That's how they will destroy everything.
I can't say anything else,
The hourglass is almost out.
Run now!
Run faster!
Run far away from here.