I never knew she would be the one.
Her long blonde hair swings in the rain.
The smile she gives after one laughs makes me eep of joy.
How can I be so in love with someone ever meant
I feel like I know her from my dreams.
Maybe this dream will turn into reality

I was never the pretty girl,
Instead of the shadow lurking.
The other girl laughed and teased.

I was never the pretty girl,
The girl inside was gone.
The boy started to grow to scared to breathe.

Hiding behind broken words
Slowing growing stronger,
Almost broke free.

I was never the pretty girl.
I was the broken boy, hidden
In a mask of my own body
Learning to smile with sports bras and beanies.
He tried to scream but never heard.

I was the broken girl,
That turned into the
Handsome man.

I hope one day I can smile when thinking of her.
I know that day was darker than a sky with no stars.
I didn't want break your heart in to a thousand pieces,
only wanted to smile again.
The way to that was to leave you behind.
I kept the memories but that's all I can take.
A little part of me still loves you but not enough to fight for something that was already lost.
I hope one day I can smile again when thinking of you.

He says his love just faded,
Was it ever there to start?
He uses his mouth like a gun and words as bullets hoping for damage.
She does the same blaming the empty bottle
Both forgetting what was said in the morning, While it stays with me for years.

I want to trust him,
I want to let my guard down.
He can't hurt me if I don't let him in.
I don't want to loose him due to my fear of the past.
I know I'm overthinking ,the first time I went in with hope is the time I got hurt the worse.
I told my self I would never give anyone trust again.

I want to look her in the eye and ask why we aren't together?
I have seen the way she looks at me when she thinks I'm not looking.
When the night gets cold and she asked me for my sweater without thinking.
How we are there for each other no matter what time is it.
Waking up in the middle of night to dream of the other.
I will ask her what she is afraid of.
To let her know that no matter what I will be here.

The walls look a little whiter than normal.
Why is the fan making such a loud noise?
Did my room always look this messy?
Maybe it's all in my head but this doesn't seem right.
Everyone is moving on I'm still stuck in the same moment.
The moment everyone forgot about.
I hid the blades but there always in the back of my mind.
Wondering when I will need them next to shut up my lonely mind.
The one that keeps trying to talk even thought I don't want to hear it.
The thing that makes me feel more hurt than anyone in my family.
I don't even have my family just my phone with random people to text that don't even want me.
So I sit here alone again for the tenth day in a row.

The darkness is coming.
Are you ready for the faith of your loved ones?
No one saw this coming but me.
I saw the signs of the world ending,
no one believed me.
Now everyone wants my help,
I'm sorry you choose your battle.
The darkness is here.

Pretty and sweet.
Quite enough not be seen but loud Enough to be heard.
She hides in the dark,
Shine's so bright in the light.
She shines are the darkest days.
Brings you happiness
Just to be thrown out 10 days later.

She was broken but hiding it.
Her smile was brighter than the sun,
But her thoughts were darker than the moon.
She was seconds away from going,
The thought of love made her stay.

I’m sorry
I’m sorry I can’t be the perfect daughter because I’m not a girl.
I want to make you happy, but I’m slowly dying.
My mind keeps putting up a fight
I keep getting weaker.
I don’t want to fight with my self anymore
Why can’t I just shut up??
I want it to stop!
I want to be happy with our feeling scared!
But I can’t and I won’t
This is my new life.
I’m sorry for Changing, but I need to live.

I look up at the stars every time hoping one day I will see him waving back at me.
It's been almost two years since his last goodbye.
It doesn't mean my love for him is lost,
The memories still stayed.
My heart still stings,
I wish he didn't have to go.

I woke up wondering what happened to us.
Sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring,
Hours pass, and no text messages are sent.
I remember when we stayed up all night chatting until the sun came up.
Picturing what our futures hold,
Now all I see is empty memories of what could have been.

I really like you.
I'm too afraid to give my heart up again.
Will you promise not to break me?
Will you let me know when the love is gone in your eyes?
I can't watch you fall out of love.
Just to turn around and feel that way with someone else more then you ever did with me.
It's ok to leave,
Don't go without a word please.

My heart is healed, but my mind is shouting for help.
I look at everything like it’s a war, and the price is my life.
Wanting to be an adult but scared like a little kid.
Maybe it will get better, but what if perhaps it isn’t good enough.
I wish I was stronger.
Strong enough to live by my self, not needing help to survive.

We weren’t perfect; I knew that.
I loved as much as a broken person could.
Trying to change the stories to make me look bad.
I almost trusted those stories more,
Because he told them all the time.
I never will go back to that,
I know my worth, and one will take that.
No matter how pretty they seem to the outside world.

I like her.
I like how we can talk all day.
She is becoming part of my world.
I wish I could see her.
I don’t even know her name, and that’s ok.
I'm afraid to tell how I feel, knowing she leave me.

He thought she wanted it to happen.
The smile hid the real feelings because she is too afraid of telling him no.
She would cry it out, believing one day he would care for her,
Instead, he went for someone else.
He said he would stay only to take the first exit out.
If she ever spoke her truth, he would make her think she was crazy.
Now, this girl thinks it's love to be treated this way.
Her first love broke her,
the second made her trust again.

You aren’t a real boy.
The words haunt me.
My dad looks at me and then let out his dark thoughts after one too many beers.
Telling me, I give him nightmares for wanting to look a real man.
he is  asking me why I’m doing this just for attention.
Just like the blue hair and being gay.
I’m nothing in eyes.
He feels terrible, so he adds I love you to fix it all.
I’m still under is spell trying to get out but too scared to fight back.
He doesn’t understand how being trans saved my life.
I finally want to live.

I can’t keep living this way,
In fear of missing you.
I want to laugh at the past,
All I do is cry instead.
I hope one day we meet again,
It may be sooner nowadays.
My world is dark, my smile is blank.
Why did no one tell me depression was my fate.

Everything made sense in the end.
That's what I thought, but I was wrong.
The yelling got louder; I could barely hear myself think.
I wondered why this was happening, but I got no answer.
No one wanted to explain it to me.
No one wanted to help.

Don't break her,
I know it's hard to stay.
She waited for him when no one else would.
Stayed up late to make sure he got home ok.
She stayed even when he chose everyone over her.
One day I hope she finds someone's better.
Sadly her heart can't leave even when everyone tells to move on.

If I gave her my heart will she drop it?
I just put it back together.
Afraid of the future knowing it always gets worse.
How many more heartbreaks until the pain stops?
I want to be free I already ran out of tissues but
Still have more tears to give.
My heart still aches but wants to move on,
I want to be first for once.

The last boy with the girl who never notices herself.
Until the boy opened her eyes to a new world.
He made her feel worth everything,
She ever had that growing up.
They were friends since the start,
Now their feelings are changing.
The once-lost boy finds himself in her eyes.
He finally found a home that won't go away.

Even with all the medicine, she still won't leave me alone.
Reminding me one day how the person you like will go any second.
Stop smiling; he doesn't even notice you.
I sit on my floor, trying to think of all the stuff he ever said to me.
The voice gets louder, and it won't turn off.
I sent another text,
She tells me you are driving him away.
I deleted it,
Only to regret it a second later.

The light grows brighter,
When the darkness starts to fade.
Hold on for another day,
I will hold you tight until the sun rises.

I look down and around,
Only to see him smiling at me.
It's the type of smile that screams run, but I stayed.
Maybe he isn't so bad after all.
I gave him a chance, and in seconds, the betrayal happened.
He took me by the arm and watched me scream in pain until it was over.
Until there was nothing more he could take.

Tell me this happiness is all fake.
Tell me the broken heart is a toy messing all of its pieces.
I won’t believe this truth.
If I told him my heart was made of money, then he would keep it right?
Instead, just emotions failing to be shown.
Did he just want me to be heartless so I can’t fall in love with him?
He just wanted a doll, but I’m not that.
Does this mean I'm seeing the real truth

In-person they love me,
Over text, it’s like a desert.
I wish for rain but I only have my
tears.

I wish he could see himself through her younger eyes.
How broken his little girl was from the words he used as bullets.
Hoping to be invisible in his eyes,
Then he couldn't hurt her with his twistest phases.
All she wanted was her father's approval.
When she came out, the bond was broken.

Freeze.
I stand still, waiting for a single whisper.
If I move,
Will everything good disappear?
Holding onto the memories that help me stay quite
Wondering if this moment will ever pass.

A single rose means love,
The rest mean he ******* up again.
Every time he brought home flowers, I knew right away he had done something terrible.
The women would accept and forget it ever happened.
It was only the start of a downhill relationship.

The way it turned
I took your love and messed it up.
I wanted him to feel the same pain.
Somethings don’t go as planned,
I got hurt in the end.
I didn’t think he had it in him to start a fire,
I guess not everyone is the same.
My heart broke in 100 pieces
Each smaller then the last.
All that is left is his voice hanging around my dying body.
This could of stopped if i just I’m sorry.

Love is a broken match.
Each day is trying to find the perfect person.
The one that makes you better because that’s all you hear from your parents.
Love will find you.
First, love yourself, and it will come when you are ready.
Stop trying to make a fair tale happen.
Books are written when the writer is ready.
The tale of you is still being worked on.

I'm not upset anymore.
This is good bye until we meet again,
I hope you remember me as the boy that stayed up late just to say hi.
I knew nothing last forever,
Was hoping this would be different.
The first time I sent you a text I didn't think we would be friends like this.
I hope one day we meet in person.
I wish this wasn't goodbye but happy for the times we had.

Mexico
Today I was supposed to go there.
It was the thing that kept sane when I was insane.
Things don’t always go as planned, and I’m learning this the hard way.
I was in pain, but my mind used this as a reason to keep going.
this is gone what is next because my dreams are crashing likes fly in a window.
It’s a little buzz but doesn’t get louder even if I try to scream.
I was told to let it out, but it doesn’t work.
Nothing comes out, nothing but air.
I try to fight, but nothing is near me.
Today was a trip, but now I’m at home.

My life became a mess.
I started to love darkness more than the light.
It made me feel safer knowing soon all the stress would be gone.
I know that living isn't just surviving.
It's wanting to wake up to do something new.
To wanting to see the future not run from it.
I don't know if I was running but I was so used to not living I didn't see the reason to keep going.
To want to be happy because I didn't see a point in it.
A point to go to the light vs deep deep dark.

I'm not used to crying for missing people.
This year my eyes are filled with tears for saying goodbyes to those I love.
I know we will talk again.
When we meet as strangers,
The memories that will be stories for new friends.
Keeping all photos hidden deep close to me.
Making sure I never forget what you mean to me.

Thank you for making my childhood the wonderful land of candy smelling bedrooms.
Love that covered the house falls to make sure we never felt alone.
Working long hours to make sure we could do everything we wanted.
She was watching us run in meets even if it took hours to get, though.
They were never second-guessing us when we didn’t feel right.
Always checking to make sure we are doing ok.
Never making us do things we didn’t want to do.
Family vacations meant scrip booking and walked in the woods.
Late night drinks by the fireplace.
Always making the family smile.

My window
I look outside the same window,
Wondering if anything will change.
Will the flowers finally grow today?
I look at it one time, seeing the snowfall on the ground.
Realizing the start of winter finally happened.
I closed my eyes for a minute, and the snow was gone again.
It all started with a little sadness but ended back with summer nights.
We take four seasons for Granted.
One day everything will be different.
There will be no going back.
Today I looked outside my window one more time.

Luisina.
Where did she go?
I only see her in my dreams late at night,
When everyone is gone.
What if she is make believe?
My mind is on over drive trying to find her.
The thoughts are talking over that she won't back to say goodbye.
I want to hold her one more night.
To tell her"I love you Luisina".
Before she disappears on me.
I think it's too late.
My love won't leave like she did.

You aren’t anything but words.
I made you
You try to destroy me, but it’s working.
I try to ignore you.
The words make a play script.
It’s a little movie in my head.
It seems to easy to give in.
I fight and fight.
You picked the wrong boy.
I’m a tough boy.
A smart boy.
Try again. I’m ready now.
Throw your best shot.

They are sleeping next to me.
I feel safe but my mind doesn't trust it.
It tells me do more harm than good.
With you deep down I know I'm safe and you know that to.
Even if everything else around us doesn't make sense.
They are sleeping next to me but my mind doesn't trust it.
Letting horror movies play in my head about the ones that I love.
Making me feel crazy for loving them more and more.
Maybe my mind isn't used to this feeling and is trying to make me safe.
I don't want to safe I just want to live in the moment.

I'm a believer in love
That it doesn't go away overnight.
Maybe it shows up one day without a reason,
Only to beg for it to stay longer.
Love has seen the world go around and around, waiting for the right people.
The type of people who aren't afraid of going the extra mile.
Who are crazy about one another in every Universe.

I want to get better
but then I won’t have her in my life.
She is a mystery to my boring ways
Always telling me not to get caught.
One would say the devil to my shoulder
I would say the voice that wants to get heard.
I need her to feel something but she is the poison
To my mind.

There I am
Nothing but darkness.
I see my body laying on the floor.
Is it lifeless or just giving up?
I hear a voice telling me to fight,
I wonder why?
Is this a nightmare that just begun?
I must hurry to the end, there is no light how can I see?
There is a Shadow that is looking at me.
I Run and try to keep my balance and
Nothing seems the same.
I finally see the exit, what if this is trick?
I see the water around me.
Wait, Why are you here?
Well, you help me, please?
I tell my self to wake up!
Finally, I’m safe once again.

My little heart flutters with butterflies.
It's the way he smiles at me and makes me feel special.
This time it will be different, or that's what I tell myself.
I'm not worried about falling, only for the after the mess of it all.
My little heart flutters with butterflies while my mind worries about how to prepare for the last goodbye.

I’m sorry
It's the losing words,
I give up and don’t want to fight.
I can’t take seeing mad faces so I lay myself down to get walked over.
After a while, I got used to it.
I learned how to hide my emotions
Behind a locked door that will never open.
Try all you got and see that it will never move
Not even an inch.
If I hit the floor, I can't go lower.

How can he dislike everyone but act happy all the time?
The smile is always there but means words come across his mouth like a loaded gun.
Always talking about how he wants to leave but stays for some reason.

Truth hurts
She gave him all she had
But got nothing in return.
She stayed up all night waiting
For a text.
He stayed up flirting with other girls.
She missed wanted him so badly
He only wanted one girl, she wasn’t it.
She is waiting for that to change.
He doesn’t even notice her.