I loved her away,
gave too much and no not enough space.
Wanted her the most when that was the thing holding her back.
I loved her away,
By not knowing how to love myself first.
I loved her away,
By wishing for something that neither of us was ready to give.
I loved her away, like loving wasn’t creating a distance between each other

Love is a broken match.
Each day is trying to find the perfect person.
The one that makes you better because that’s all you hear from your parents.
Love will find you.
First, love yourself, and it will come when you are ready.
Stop trying to make a fair tale happen.
Books are written when the writer is ready.
The tale of you is still being worked on.

I look back to see her standing there. She was all alone, but her smile said something else.
I waited to make sure everything was ok, and Then it hit me.
The lost girl was hidden behind too many secrets,
She just wanted to be saved but had no one notice.
Finally, she left, but without a smile.
Instead, she wears a warning sign that says, don’t get attached; I won’t be here long.
I looked in the dark window to found out the lost girl took my thoughts.
Now I stand here with someone else smile.

The man with all the secrets,
Still only cares about himself.
Unless a pretty woman walks across his view.
He will forget all respect and hopes that make her beg for me.
The man will date others to make her jealous.
This will happen until she gives in or he finds someone new to mess with.

Dear ADHD/depression
Why did you pick me?
Maybe it was to teach me life wasn’t meant to be easy.
I want to say thank you.
Thank you for having me fight- having me show that I want to be alive.
I never knew how strong I was until finally, my mind was free.
Three years of trying to survive but too weak to fight back.
All started freshman year trying so hard to stay another day.
I took the pen and let the devils draw on my arm and felt no pain.
You made me heartless under a masked smile that everyone believed.
I wore cut-up socks to cover up the scars that you caused me.
Sh was my drug of choice- it made the pain go away for a second.
Just like any habit, I needed more to be happy.
Late at night, I let my devils draw anywhere they wanted.
Wearing pants to cover up their artworks.
February 2020
the day my life almost ended. Afraid of what would happen if I stayed home another hour.
summer 2020
wishing my pain would go away.
December 2020
decided the fight was minutes from ending.
December 10th, 2020
the day I started living. Under all this hate was hidden ADHD.
Sometimes I still miss you but have my memories to show the truth.
Thank you for making me choose life.
from
the angle that isn’t ready to go home yet.

The sky is giving me a warning sign.
A dark x which tells us to run,
Run and don't look back.
The world is playing games with our minds and nothing can save us if we stay.
Stars are getting darker instead of brighter.
The screams are getting louder,
Families are getting torn apart.
It's hard to tell what's going to happen if we leave with out everyone.
The x is getting bigger
Time is almost out.
What will we do?

Was everything meant to be?
Did something turn into nothing?
Maybe it was just in my head but I know you felt it too.
Don't make me feel crazy for something I know was real.

A son of a cheater,
I saw them all get played.
He used the same moves on the poor women entering his life.
First, gain their trust, then play mind games that way; he’s never in the wrong.
Second, give them what they want, then slowly take it away without noticing.
Third, degrade them but not enough that they will leave on their own,
Enough that they will stay begging for more.
A son of a cheater,
Learn how to cause pain like a hurricane.

I wish I could write without him on my mind.
Before he controlled my memories and made me forget my weaknesses.
I wish I could write without having to think,
How it used to be before I was in love,
Before I let him get inside my walls.
I wish I could write my sadness Away without having to stop.

Will this be my fairy tale?
I hold on tight to the slight hope that lingers.
When he says goodbye, I wonder if this time he means forever.
I wonder if this will be my fairy tale or the start of my never-ending heart break.
Will all his love give me enough trust not to be worried for the future?
It's not his fault that he picked a damaged heart to love.

I hope you're doing ok.
I havent heard from you for a while but maybe it's meant to be this way.
In the sense that you moved on without me.
Without telling me that's how it's going to be.
I'm still waiting for a text that may never come.
A phone call that won't go threw.
I hope you're ok because it seemed like you don't want me Anymore and that's fine.
I'm better now.
Only if I could say that without crying

The darkness is coming.
Are you ready for the faith of your loved ones?
No one saw this coming but me.
I saw the signs of the world ending,
no one believed me.
Now everyone wants my help,
I'm sorry you choose your battle.
The darkness is here.

You aren’t a real boy.
The words haunt me.
My dad looks at me and then let out his dark thoughts after one too many beers.
Telling me, I give him nightmares for wanting to look a real man.
he is  asking me why I’m doing this just for attention.
Just like the blue hair and being gay.
I’m nothing in eyes.
He feels terrible, so he adds I love you to fix it all.
I’m still under is spell trying to get out but too scared to fight back.
He doesn’t understand how being trans saved my life.
I finally want to live.

There I am
Nothing but darkness.
I see my body laying on the floor.
Is it lifeless or just giving up?
I hear a voice telling me to fight,
I wonder why?
Is this a nightmare that just begun?
I must hurry to the end, there is no light how can I see?
There is a Shadow that is looking at me.
I Run and try to keep my balance and
Nothing seems the same.
I finally see the exit, what if this is trick?
I see the water around me.
Wait, Why are you here?
Well, you help me, please?
I tell my self to wake up!
Finally, I’m safe once again.

You aren’t anything but words.
I made you
You try to destroy me, but it’s working.
I try to ignore you.
The words make a play script.
It’s a little movie in my head.
It seems to easy to give in.
I fight and fight.
You picked the wrong boy.
I’m a tough boy.
A smart boy.
Try again. I’m ready now.
Throw your best shot.

Winter
The snow keeps falling
People are falling in love.
The trees keep changing, just like people’s minds.
The memories of times come and go while drinking hot cocoa.
I watch the snowfall while thinking of her.
Knowing she is doing the same.
She loves the snow, and I like her.
I watch the snow, knowing I’m closer to her.

Take a med and swallow.
Take a med and swallow.
Take a med and wish you could stop.
But you can't and you never will.
Skip a med and hope you're ok.
Skip a med and hope you're ok.
I don't want to feel like a zombie but I don't know what to do.
I'm happy and I don't want it to change.
Take a med and swallow.
Skip a med and hope you're ok.
What do I do now? I thought everything was normal but my whole night is fading.
I can barely keep my eyes open.
Stop the meds but then you will suffer.
Take a med and fall asleep.
Skip a med and hope you're ok.

I won at last.
In a week, my past is gone.
I get to start over finally,
I will smile bigger than ever.
I will cry from happiness,
And smile until the sun goes down.
In a week, I will be me more than ever.

I’m afraid of getting bad again.
I don’t think I will ever get better if I do.
The darkness was scary but I know it’s not gone for ever.
I’m afraid of loosing you.
I don’t want to say goodbye,
One day I will lose you.
I hope you don’t leave when the darkness comes back.
I feel selfish saying I want you to stay with me.
I want your sunshine and late night talks.
If I get lost again please go looking for me.
Please don’t say goodbye.
When it’s time to go,
I will wave from the other side.

The voice was sugar to my ears.
It taught me strength when he didn't want to.
It was there for me when she wouldn't be.
I learned hope from it,
When hopeless were all, I knew.

Listen to this made-up story.
He was in love with his ex.
The new guy didn’t know.
He falls head over heels just too be broken twice.
Once for believing things would change.
second for thinking the guy is in love again,
Which was correct but with a different man
He didn’t know the truth until it was too late.
Neither got their perfect ending.
sadly this tale is true

I never knew she would be the one.
Her long blonde hair swings in the rain.
The smile she gives after one laughs makes me eep of joy.
How can I be so in love with someone ever meant
I feel like I know her from my dreams.
Maybe this dream will turn into reality

The way it turned
I took your love and messed it up.
I wanted him to feel the same pain.
Somethings don’t go as planned,
I got hurt in the end.
I didn’t think he had it in him to start a fire,
I guess not everyone is the same.
My heart broke in 100 pieces
Each smaller then the last.
All that is left is his voice hanging around my dying body.
This could of stopped if i just I’m sorry.

It’s not that I want to leave,
but how much it hurts to see her not in my arms.
Her smile starts to fade when I leave.
I wish she knew how hard I would fight for us to be
I may be 5,875 miles away,
I would walk that to see her once again.
It’s not that I want to leave.
It’s hard to miss someone who you ever had.

She trusted him with everything,
He took it and destroyed it after a day.
She thought it was by mistake,
Gave him one more chance.
He did it once again.
Laughed at the look of her teary eyes.

I look up at the stars every time hoping one day I will see him waving back at me.
It's been almost two years since his last goodbye.
It doesn't mean my love for him is lost,
The memories still stayed.
My heart still stings,
I wish he didn't have to go.

He said I look pretty. That I'm his number one.
She told me that I'm lying and no one really cares about me.
He said I'm amazing and that I deserve
The world.
She told me I should leave the world, I almost did twice because of her.
He gave a me a pill and never felt better.
She gave me a knife and I never felt worse.
He made me feel unstoppable,
She stopped me in seconds.
He helped me get out of bed,
She chained me to it.
He gave me too many ideas but she didnt give me enough.
He was too good and it something felt off.
She was the devil running around my head.
He was my best friend but only vistited me once while.
She was my worst enemy but came too often.

I won't be mad that you left.
I knew this day would come even thought you told me it wouldn't.
I believed almost every word that came out of your mouth.
That I would be your number one.
That no one could take my place.
Look how wrong I was because I'm crying at my keyboard wonder where I went wrong.
In the back of my mind this is a nightmare that should have came sooner.
I'm afraid to open my eyes knowing this is real life.
Knowing that I lost my other half to someone else.
I'm not mad that you are leaving.
I'm mad that I Believed you would stay.

I want to trust him,
I want to let my guard down.
He can't hurt me if I don't let him in.
I don't want to loose him due to my fear of the past.
I know I'm overthinking ,the first time I went in with hope is the time I got hurt the worse.
I told my self I would never give anyone trust again.

If I was lost, would you be there to help me find my way?
Some days will be tough,
There are days that you'll need a second to breathe.
If I finished early would you give me other things to do?
Some times will be louder than can imagine,
Take a second to help the class get back to a softer tone.
If I was falling behind, would you stay longer to help me catch up?
Some students won't want to learn,
Put on your thinking cap and try to take the stress away.
If I didn't believe in myself, would you teach me how?

I hope one day I can smile when thinking of her.
I know that day was darker than a sky with no stars.
I didn't want break your heart in to a thousand pieces,
only wanted to smile again.
The way to that was to leave you behind.
I kept the memories but that's all I can take.
A little part of me still loves you but not enough to fight for something that was already lost.
I hope one day I can smile again when thinking of you.

I wish my life was a fairy tale so you would be right next to me.
I wish my life was a fairy tale so I could finally have a princess sitting next to me.
I wish my life was a fairy tale,
Then maybe all the bad would disappear.
Disappear from everything that made me wish for a different life.
I wish my life was a fairy tale so then everything could be happiely ever after once again

Thank you for making my childhood the wonderful land of candy smelling bedrooms.
Love that covered the house falls to make sure we never felt alone.
Working long hours to make sure we could do everything we wanted.
She was watching us run in meets even if it took hours to get, though.
They were never second-guessing us when we didn’t feel right.
Always checking to make sure we are doing ok.
Never making us do things we didn’t want to do.
Family vacations meant scrip booking and walked in the woods.
Late night drinks by the fireplace.
Always making the family smile.

I watched her fall out of love faster than anything else.
The smiles turned into tears.
Late nights went to early goodbyes.
The worst was hearing the pain in her voice when saying I love you for the last time.
That's how I knew it was over.

What if she leaves again?
I'm not ready to say goodbye.
My heart will tear into it, but maybe that's for the better.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be in the end.
What if she never wanted me?

The time of the year that shy kids come to shock everyone.
When monsters can be unrestricted,
Everyone else plays pretend.
No one knowing who is real or fake,
The perfect time to make people regret their choice to come out alone.

She didn't have to say a word,
Her eyes said it all.
The girl was in love, and no one could say differently.
He hated winter, learned to love it for her.
One night changed the girl's life forever.

We weren’t perfect; I knew that.
I loved as much as a broken person could.
Trying to change the stories to make me look bad.
I almost trusted those stories more,
Because he told them all the time.
I never will go back to that,
I know my worth, and one will take that.
No matter how pretty they seem to the outside world.

I wish he could see himself through her younger eyes.
How broken his little girl was from the words he used as bullets.
Hoping to be invisible in his eyes,
Then he couldn't hurt her with his twistest phases.
All she wanted was her father's approval.
When she came out, the bond was broken.

I want to get better
but then I won’t have her in my life.
She is a mystery to my boring ways
Always telling me not to get caught.
One would say the devil to my shoulder
I would say the voice that wants to get heard.
I need her to feel something but she is the poison
To my mind.

I like her.
I like how we can talk all day.
She is becoming part of my world.
I wish I could see her.
I don’t even know her name, and that’s ok.
I'm afraid to tell how I feel, knowing she leave me.

I wish I could be freed from this world.
That one day I won't be in pain with my own mind.
Maybe I will be able to find someone that loves me for me.
Not having to beg to be heard.
I wish I could be gone sometimes to make my mind shut up.
But it will be easier in the end.

I want to look her in the eye and ask why we aren't together?
I have seen the way she looks at me when she thinks I'm not looking.
When the night gets cold and she asked me for my sweater without thinking.
How we are there for each other no matter what time is it.
Waking up in the middle of night to dream of the other.
I will ask her what she is afraid of.
To let her know that no matter what I will be here.

If I say goodbye would that be good enough for you?
Would you finally let me free or keeping holding be back?
I need to start over but you won't let me go.
I know we been though a lot but I finally feel ready to start something new.
If you let me go I promise it will be for the better.
I held on to the memories realizing it was all in my head.
That you didn't care about me has much as I did.
If I finally say goodbye would you let me be free of this fake love.

Don't break her,
I know it's hard to stay.
She waited for him when no one else would.
Stayed up late to make sure he got home ok.
She stayed even when he chose everyone over her.
One day I hope she finds someone's better.
Sadly her heart can't leave even when everyone tells to move on.

I woke up wondering what happened to us.
Sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring,
Hours pass, and no text messages are sent.
I remember when we stayed up all night chatting until the sun came up.
Picturing what our futures hold,
Now all I see is empty memories of what could have been.

He thought she wanted it to happen.
The smile hid the real feelings because she is too afraid of telling him no.
She would cry it out, believing one day he would care for her,
Instead, he went for someone else.
He said he would stay only to take the first exit out.
If she ever spoke her truth, he would make her think she was crazy.
Now, this girl thinks it's love to be treated this way.
Her first love broke her,
the second made her trust again.

I wonder why I kept the letters all this time.
Maybe I was hoping he would come back the more I read it.
That he would just appear out of nowhere.
But nowhere ever came; no one ever came.
I wonder why I kept the letters all this time
Maybe I was hoping it would help my tears go away.
It didn't; it never does.
He will never find me the same again.

In-person they love me,
Over text, it’s like a desert.
I wish for rain but I only have my
tears.

Even with all the medicine, she still won't leave me alone.
Reminding me one day how the person you like will go any second.
Stop smiling; he doesn't even notice you.
I sit on my floor, trying to think of all the stuff he ever said to me.
The voice gets louder, and it won't turn off.
I sent another text,
She tells me you are driving him away.
I deleted it,
Only to regret it a second later.