There I am
Nothing but darkness.
I see my body laying on the floor.
Is it lifeless or just giving up?
I hear a voice telling me to fight,
I wonder why?
Is this a nightmare that just begun?
I must hurry to the end, there is no light how can I see?
There is a Shadow that is looking at me.
I Run and try to keep my balance and
Nothing seems the same.
I finally see the exit, what if this is trick?
I see the water around me.
Wait, Why are you here?
Well, you help me, please?
I tell my self to wake up!
Finally, I’m safe once again.

I smile.
Does he notice how nervous I am?
My voice is shaking,
I’m starting to sweat.
He looks back at me and waves.
I start to blush,
I hope this isn't the end.

What if this isn’t worth it.
I should just leave and not come back.
She doesn’t notice me anyway.
I’m just playing in her game.
The smile was fake.

Wake me from this dream,
I've been here too long.
Things are starting to seem too real.
I scream but no one hears a word,
Everyone tells me I'm awake.
Wake me up from this lost land I call home.
Please don't leave me here forever.
I'm not ready to stay.

I’m sorry you let me in
Now I’m a broken puzzle
All the pieces are broken.
Things won’t change,
Tape won’t cover the missing parts.
I thought you loved me.
I was just an object in your life.
I kept trying to make it work,
I just got a fire thrown at me.
If this love,
I don’t want to love anymore.

How I send a text
Hi......
oh crap was that too loud.
Heyyyyy that is why too many y’s.
How about a simple hello, but that sounds way to formal.
Ok this should work.... just say I think you are cute.
Sent
Ohhh no she has seen it but no replay... it must mine she doesn’t like me.
It’s all over it was fake anyway!
I should of seen this coming!
Wait
She is typing
She said I think you are cute too!

What if she leaves again?
I'm not ready to say goodbye.
My heart will tear into it, but maybe that's for the better.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be in the end.
What if she never wanted me?

Dear ADHD/depression
Why did you pick me?
Maybe it was to teach me life wasn’t meant to be easy.
I want to say thank you.
Thank you for having me fight- having me show that I want to be alive.
I never knew how strong I was until finally, my mind was free.
Three years of trying to survive but too weak to fight back.
All started freshman year trying so hard to stay another day.
I took the pen and let the devils draw on my arm and felt no pain.
You made me heartless under a masked smile that everyone believed.
I wore cut-up socks to cover up the scars that you caused me.
Sh was my drug of choice- it made the pain go away for a second.
Just like any habit, I needed more to be happy.
Late at night, I let my devils draw anywhere they wanted.
Wearing pants to cover up their artworks.
February 2020
the day my life almost ended. Afraid of what would happen if I stayed home another hour.
summer 2020
wishing my pain would go away.
December 2020
decided the fight was minutes from ending.
December 10th, 2020
the day I started living. Under all this hate was hidden ADHD.
Sometimes I still miss you but have my memories to show the truth.
Thank you for making me choose life.
from
the angle that isn’t ready to go home yet.

He is my movie, my book, my music.
The entertainment keeps me distracted when I wish upon it the most.
He makes me feel loved for all parts of myself, even those people who told me I should change.
When I say I feel safe with him, he makes me feel ways that I haven't felt in a long time.
He brings back memories that I have forgotten existed.
He is everything I dreamed of, and when I say I love him, I mean I will fight for him no matter what.
We are not perfect, but he is ideal for me.

I’m broken like a kicked indoors.
No dents are left, but the pain stays
I want to heal,
I don’t know-how.

Spring is when
the flowers grow.
When school is almost over, but finals start to strike.
Spring is when,
Dreams become a reality.
When reality starts to mix all together,
Until September comes again.

If my life was a fairy tale she would still be in my arms.
If I truly loved her,
I would be happy that she found happiness after all the pain.
If there was more time I would try again.
I’m stuck in a nightmare,
Seeing her fall for the man I should of been

If she meant nothing, then why are you with her right now?
Were all the words told from your mouth just lies engraved in a loop to every girl you ever loved?
I thought you meant it until the truth started sneaking out slowly after a glass or two.
If she meant nothing, then why did you choose her over me?
Were all the memories made up in my head in the end?
I’m trying hard not to be mad because, in the end, you played me better than anyone ever will.

Will this be my fairy tale?
I hold on tight to the slight hope that lingers.
When he says goodbye, I wonder if this time he means forever.
I wonder if this will be my fairy tale or the start of my never-ending heart break.
Will all his love give me enough trust not to be worried for the future?
It's not his fault that he picked a damaged heart to love.

I love you, that's it.
Let the whole world listen while I scream as loud as my body lets me.
I love you
Everything else is gone when you are next to me.
I love you
The time that is taken is given back to me when you are in my arms.
I love you
Never will I want to stop saying these three words.
I love you.
Even when I'm confused about everything else, I know how I feel about you.

I wonder why I kept the letters all this time.
Maybe I was hoping he would come back the more I read it.
That he would just appear out of nowhere.
But nowhere ever came; no one ever came.
I wonder why I kept the letters all this time
Maybe I was hoping it would help my tears go away.
It didn't; it never does.
He will never find me the same again.

They thought they would be together forever.
She was in a fairy tale until she works up in reality.
He would yell and scare her enough to make her leave.
But love her enough for her to come back.
The world didn’t know what was happening behind the closed door.
On the news, they were happy as good be.
But that isn’t the whole story, not close at all.

I loved her away,
gave too much and no not enough space.
Wanted her the most when that was the thing holding her back.
I loved her away,
By not knowing how to love myself first.
I loved her away,
By wishing for something that neither of us was ready to give.
I loved her away, like loving wasn’t creating a distance between each other

Blah blah blah
Take me to shut your mind up.
You know you really want me.
All you have to do is find me.
(Takes one pill)
Now I control you,
Without me you suffer.
What if you can’t get more of me.
Will you hid behind a broken smile begging to get me.
Begging so much people think you have an addiction.
Blah blah hurt self.
I told you need me and you didn’t believe it.
Come on take one more.
You know you really want too.
(Finally takes it again)
Everything just stops.

If love was a book,
It would come in many forms.
Starting as the tales, we read at night to chapter books that take months to read.
If love was a book,
I would read it over and over, never wanting to stop hoping it would come true.
Dreaming of the day when I no longer have to read to figure out what it means.
If love was a book,
I would hope I was secretly reading about you.

Does he think of me?
When we are apart, does he wants all of me or dread coming home.
The smile is probably a mask to hide his pain.
He says he wants me,
His eyes tell a different story.
The Look says he is thinking of a way to leave.
Does he think of me or the boy he wishes I could be?
Please tell me how you really feel.
I can't be someone who wants to be anywhere else but home.

What if parents just loved for us.
If the listen to our broken cry's.
Imagine If we weren't alone anymore and had a someone who wanted us.
Not another struggle for them to through in our face.
I wonder if I will ever be good enough for them.
One tells me how much she loves me and other only sees me as a cheap sitter.
Throwing daggers at me whenever they get a chance.
I don't understand what I did for him to stop treating me as someone who they care about.
Maybe this is there way of caring but it hurts.
I don't want to deal with this anymore.

There is a girl who hides in the shadow, trying not to be heard
A boy is standing tall, but no one wants him.
Every day everyone says hi to the hidden girl but nothing to the strong boy.
They all call out hey Sophia but ever hi josh.
The world will only see what they want to believe is right.
The dying boy is standing firm with a smile.
While the hidden girls is just Trying to leave.
He is a trans man, but to the world, he is still A lonely girl.

I won't be mad that you left.
I knew this day would come even thought you told me it wouldn't.
I believed almost every word that came out of your mouth.
That I would be your number one.
That no one could take my place.
Look how wrong I was because I'm crying at my keyboard wonder where I went wrong.
In the back of my mind this is a nightmare that should have came sooner.
I'm afraid to open my eyes knowing this is real life.
Knowing that I lost my other half to someone else.
I'm not mad that you are leaving.
I'm mad that I Believed you would stay.

The man with all the secrets,
Still only cares about himself.
Unless a pretty woman walks across his view.
He will forget all respect and hopes that make her beg for me.
The man will date others to make her jealous.
This will happen until she gives in or he finds someone new to mess with.

I wish I could write without him on my mind.
Before he controlled my memories and made me forget my weaknesses.
I wish I could write without having to think,
How it used to be before I was in love,
Before I let him get inside my walls.
I wish I could write my sadness Away without having to stop.

I look back to see her standing there. She was all alone, but her smile said something else.
I waited to make sure everything was ok, and Then it hit me.
The lost girl was hidden behind too many secrets,
She just wanted to be saved but had no one notice.
Finally, she left, but without a smile.
Instead, she wears a warning sign that says, don’t get attached; I won’t be here long.
I looked in the dark window to found out the lost girl took my thoughts.
Now I stand here with someone else smile.

He says his love just faded,
Was it ever there to start?
He uses his mouth like a gun and words as bullets hoping for damage.
She does the same blaming the empty bottle
Both forgetting what was said in the morning, While it stays with me for years.

I wonder how he got away.
How the mystery was never solved.
Maybe everyone lied to cover this track with ****** money.
I wonder how he got away with breaking my heart.
He said he loved me a million times but ever thought he didn’t mean it.
Until the last day that changed everything.
He looked in my the face and smiled with all this teeth.
I love you for the rest of my life.
Then he left and no one has seen him since.

I felt whole until she left.
I lost a piece of me and the memories too.
I can’t think of her without crying.
It was my fault for trusting someone new.
This is why I don’t open up now my trust is gone.
I gave her my heart she crushed it without even knowing
Goodbye kisses turned into shouts.
My world turned upside down.

My heart is healed, but my mind is shouting for help.
I look at everything like it’s a war, and the price is my life.
Wanting to be an adult but scared like a little kid.
Maybe it will get better, but what if perhaps it isn’t good enough.
I wish I was stronger.
Strong enough to live by my self, not needing help to survive.

The voice was sugar to my ears.
It taught me strength when he didn't want to.
It was there for me when she wouldn't be.
I learned hope from it,
When hopeless were all, I knew.

Don't break her,
I know it's hard to stay.
She waited for him when no one else would.
Stayed up late to make sure he got home ok.
She stayed even when he chose everyone over her.
One day I hope she finds someone's better.
Sadly her heart can't leave even when everyone tells to move on.

Battle
I was only 17 when my battle started.
Thoughts filled with horror,
Long nights of fear.
I tried pill after pill to fix my issue,
Finally, two and half years later, I was free.
The day I tried my ADHD meds,
It was the day I could finally breathe again.
I’m sorry for leaving,
It was finally time to move on.
I will miss the feel of comfort,
But not the misery that came with it.

All I can do is cry
My hope is done with us.
I wanted this to least
There is nothing to fix.
Your heart never let his arms
While mine waiting to be loved.
I wish I could be him.
I wish I could stop your pain.
Go back in time and fix the mistake
If it’s true love why didn’t it work?
All they can say is nothing
Even that is too much.
Go!
I’m not holding you back.

I wish I could control it.
Not wanting to cry over the little things hoping it will go away.
When will it stop telling me things on repeat.
I tried to listen to the good in life but it's hard when the darkness is screaming in your ears.
Not wanting to burden anyone with my issues but trying to tell the truth at the same time.
Everyone telling me it will be ok and we aren't leaving.
How can I believe all the words when my mind wants to say the opposite.
Do I believe them or my broken mind.
Maybe I don't want to believe it's broken.
Maybe one day my pills will stop this all.
Or maybe I can stop it all.

Again
Why do I let this happen?
I should have kicked him out for good.
Now he’s back and I can’t stop crying every time he texts another girl.
Knowing he will leave me when they are free.
I don’t want to be a loser waiting for him to love me.
He’s the only that ever cared and I don’t want that to go away.
I can’t keep doing this to my self
I know he is bad for me but I want him!
When will this pain go away?
When Will I stop letting him come back?

I watched her fall out of love faster than anything else.
The smiles turned into tears.
Late nights went to early goodbyes.
The worst was hearing the pain in her voice when saying I love you for the last time.
That's how I knew it was over.

If I was lost, would you be there to help me find my way?
Some days will be tough,
There are days that you'll need a second to breathe.
If I finished early would you give me other things to do?
Some times will be louder than can imagine,
Take a second to help the class get back to a softer tone.
If I was falling behind, would you stay longer to help me catch up?
Some students won't want to learn,
Put on your thinking cap and try to take the stress away.
If I didn't believe in myself, would you teach me how?

Listen to this made-up story.
He was in love with his ex.
The new guy didn’t know.
He falls head over heels just too be broken twice.
Once for believing things would change.
second for thinking the guy is in love again,
Which was correct but with a different man
He didn’t know the truth until it was too late.
Neither got their perfect ending.
sadly this tale is true

The time of the year that shy kids come to shock everyone.
When monsters can be unrestricted,
Everyone else plays pretend.
No one knowing who is real or fake,
The perfect time to make people regret their choice to come out alone.

I wish he could see himself through her younger eyes.
How broken his little girl was from the words he used as bullets.
Hoping to be invisible in his eyes,
Then he couldn't hurt her with his twistest phases.
All she wanted was her father's approval.
When she came out, the bond was broken.

I won at last.
In a week, my past is gone.
I get to start over finally,
I will smile bigger than ever.
I will cry from happiness,
And smile until the sun goes down.
In a week, I will be me more than ever.

I can’t keep living this way,
In fear of missing you.
I want to laugh at the past,
All I do is cry instead.
I hope one day we meet again,
It may be sooner nowadays.
My world is dark, my smile is blank.
Why did no one tell me depression was my fate.

If I was a book,
My pages would be filled with empty words.
I would be placed on the highest shelves.
In the middle of all the sections,
Not fitting in perfectly anywhere.
If I was a book
I would confuse everyone that picks me up,
Until someone gives me a chance.
If I was a book,
I hope you would choose me every night,
Read me until you fall asleep.

I’m afraid of getting bad again.
I don’t think I will ever get better if I do.
The darkness was scary but I know it’s not gone for ever.
I’m afraid of loosing you.
I don’t want to say goodbye,
One day I will lose you.
I hope you don’t leave when the darkness comes back.
I feel selfish saying I want you to stay with me.
I want your sunshine and late night talks.
If I get lost again please go looking for me.
Please don’t say goodbye.
When it’s time to go,
I will wave from the other side.

The sky is giving me a warning sign.
A dark x which tells us to run,
Run and don't look back.
The world is playing games with our minds and nothing can save us if we stay.
Stars are getting darker instead of brighter.
The screams are getting louder,
Families are getting torn apart.
It's hard to tell what's going to happen if we leave with out everyone.
The x is getting bigger
Time is almost out.
What will we do?

I never knew she would be the one.
Her long blonde hair swings in the rain.
The smile she gives after one laughs makes me eep of joy.
How can I be so in love with someone ever meant
I feel like I know her from my dreams.
Maybe this dream will turn into reality

The last boy with the girl who never notices herself.
Until the boy opened her eyes to a new world.
He made her feel worth everything,
She ever had that growing up.
They were friends since the start,
Now their feelings are changing.
The once-lost boy finds himself in her eyes.
He finally found a home that won't go away.

She trusted him with everything,
He took it and destroyed it after a day.
She thought it was by mistake,
Gave him one more chance.
He did it once again.
Laughed at the look of her teary eyes.