I want to get better
but then I won’t have her in my life.
She is a mystery to my boring ways
Always telling me not to get caught.
One would say the devil to my shoulder
I would say the voice that wants to get heard.
I need her to feel something but she is the poison
To my mind.

We weren’t perfect; I knew that.
I loved as much as a broken person could.
Trying to change the stories to make me look bad.
I almost trusted those stories more,
Because he told them all the time.
I never will go back to that,
I know my worth, and one will take that.
No matter how pretty they seem to the outside world.

I look up at the stars every time hoping one day I will see him waving back at me.
It's been almost two years since his last goodbye.
It doesn't mean my love for him is lost,
The memories still stayed.
My heart still stings,
I wish he didn't have to go.

I talk, but no one listens.
I’m living for the future me.
The one that isn’t here yet,
If you see this, then we made it.
I did this all for you,
You deserve to have a chance.
I’m sorry that I got you this far
And nothing changed.
Promise me that it will be better.
Promise me that it was worth the wait.
Worth the suffering, crying, and blood loss.
The losing of friends and family.
Worth the game, we all play.

When the smile starts to fade.
Love may slowly go away.
But not slow enough to forget all the memories.
Even the laughs that made every second feel like a dream will leave.
All the photos that I delete myself from crying still pop up like a picture book.
All the stories are running through my mind waiting to be deleted with all the rest.
My mind is like a movie slowly turning into a horror movie.

I want to trust him,
I want to let my guard down.
He can't hurt me if I don't let him in.
I don't want to loose him due to my fear of the past.
I know I'm overthinking ,the first time I went in with hope is the time I got hurt the worse.
I told my self I would never give anyone trust again.

I like her.
I like how we can talk all day.
She is becoming part of my world.
I wish I could see her.
I don’t even know her name, and that’s ok.
I'm afraid to tell how I feel, knowing she leave me.

In-person they love me,
Over text, it’s like a desert.
I wish for rain but I only have my
tears.

He thought she wanted it to happen.
The smile hid the real feelings because she is too afraid of telling him no.
She would cry it out, believing one day he would care for her,
Instead, he went for someone else.
He said he would stay only to take the first exit out.
If she ever spoke her truth, he would make her think she was crazy.
Now, this girl thinks it's love to be treated this way.
Her first love broke her,
the second made her trust again.

I want to look her in the eye and ask why we aren't together?
I have seen the way she looks at me when she thinks I'm not looking.
When the night gets cold and she asked me for my sweater without thinking.
How we are there for each other no matter what time is it.
Waking up in the middle of night to dream of the other.
I will ask her what she is afraid of.
To let her know that no matter what I will be here.

She didn't have to say a word,
Her eyes said it all.
The girl was in love, and no one could say differently.
He hated winter, learned to love it for her.
One night changed the girl's life forever.

I never meet you besides my dreams.
I feel like I know you!
The way we talk every night.
She is the reasons for my smiles across the screen.
Please tell me you feel the same way.

Tell me this happiness is all fake.
Tell me the broken heart is a toy messing all of its pieces.
I won’t believe this truth.
If I told him my heart was made of money, then he would keep it right?
Instead, just emotions failing to be shown.
Did he just want me to be heartless so I can’t fall in love with him?
He just wanted a doll, but I’m not that.
Does this mean I'm seeing the real truth

I wonder how everything is meant to be.
If I gave her five more minutes maybe she would still in my arms.
Maybe she would have been my last kiss and it could have lasted forever.
I thought she was the one for me.
Some days I even counted how long until we saw each other again.
The answer was it was always too long but I know she was the one.
I don't know if she agrees but my heart is broken into pieces waiting to be glued back together.
She is the only one with the right glue.
Maybe my heart will always be broken.
Maybe I lost the love of my life forever.

I had a locket meant for you.
Now it sits on the floor covered in tears.
I remember the first I love to the last goodbye.
The I will stay forever turning into quite whispers.
Texting everyday to passing in the halls like nothing ever happen.
I though I knew what love was but now I’m begging for that word back.

Back again
Doing the same thing.
Nothing feels real anymore,
Are we in a book?
When will the happy ending come
Will there be one?
I fear there will be part two.
No one knowing how to act
All the things now disappear.
Toilet paper being used as weapons.
The poor suffer as the rich take it all.

My little heart flutters with butterflies.
It's the way he smiles at me and makes me feel special.
This time it will be different, or that's what I tell myself.
I'm not worried about falling, only for the after the mess of it all.
My little heart flutters with butterflies while my mind worries about how to prepare for the last goodbye.

I hope one day I can smile when thinking of her.
I know that day was darker than a sky with no stars.
I didn't want break your heart in to a thousand pieces,
only wanted to smile again.
The way to that was to leave you behind.
I kept the memories but that's all I can take.
A little part of me still loves you but not enough to fight for something that was already lost.
I hope one day I can smile again when thinking of you.

It’s not that I want to leave,
but how much it hurts to see her not in my arms.
Her smile starts to fade when I leave.
I wish she knew how hard I would fight for us to be
I may be 5,875 miles away,
I would walk that to see her once again.
It’s not that I want to leave.
It’s hard to miss someone who you ever had.

I had to loose my other half to find my soulmate.
The break up was the hardest but the person I found was all worth it.
I didn’t like the pain now I have the world.
I gave up many months of laughs to fill it with forever memories.
He didn’t like my notes now she is begging for more.
He was afraid of emotion she is giving me all her love.
I gave up my world to gain my soulmate.
He was right I’m heart break closer to my forever home.

A single rose means love,
The rest mean he ******* up again.
Every time he brought home flowers, I knew right away he had done something terrible.
The women would accept and forget it ever happened.
It was only the start of a downhill relationship.

I woke up wondering what happened to us.
Sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring,
Hours pass, and no text messages are sent.
I remember when we stayed up all night chatting until the sun came up.
Picturing what our futures hold,
Now all I see is empty memories of what could have been.

It always hurt seeing them leave.
I watch them grow without me.
Knowing we weren't meant to be.
Scared to admit that I miss them,
Knowing they won't feel the same way.
I watched them move on without me.
I'm glad they are happy but wish they were
Happy with me.
I know we were toxic, but can you please forgive me.

Even with all the medicine, she still won't leave me alone.
Reminding me one day how the person you like will go any second.
Stop smiling; he doesn't even notice you.
I sit on my floor, trying to think of all the stuff he ever said to me.
The voice gets louder, and it won't turn off.
I sent another text,
She tells me you are driving him away.
I deleted it,
Only to regret it a second later.

Never have I ever said I loved someone when I didn’t.
Never have I ever said something I didn’t meant.
I put my life in these poems to get a few views.
I want to be noticed but I don’t want to lose my self.
I’m already slipping back into the old me.
I’m crying knowing the hospital is calling my name.
Even if im crying I know that I never told I lie to the people I love.

I'm not used to crying for missing people.
This year my eyes are filled with tears for saying goodbyes to those I love.
I know we will talk again.
When we meet as strangers,
The memories that will be stories for new friends.
Keeping all photos hidden deep close to me.
Making sure I never forget what you mean to me.

It feels like a dream maybe too good to last.
Maybe too good to be true.
I sit back and relax not sure what is going to happen next.
I roll down my window and I finally understand what being peaceful means.
I thought it meant when im sitting next to you and you give me that look.
That says nothing bad is ever going to happen to you.
But I'm alone and I feel better than ever.
I hope this isn't a dream.
If this has to be I hope I never wake up unless you're next to me.

The sweet girl from her.
The words that couldn’t stop me smiling even if I try.
Wanting to stay up all night talking, Planning all the adventures.
Laughing and blushing from a single text message. Waiting to learn more about what makes her smile on the darkest day. Knowing it’s only been a few days but already having a crush on her.

Freeze.
I stand still, waiting for a single whisper.
If I move,
Will everything good disappear?
Holding onto the memories that help me stay quite
Wondering if this moment will ever pass.

Why does this always happen
Dreams turn into nightmares
Wishes turn into bargaining for life.
This all happen because of one little lie.
I didn’t mean for this to get this bad.

She was broken but hiding it.
Her smile was brighter than the sun,
But her thoughts were darker than the moon.
She was seconds away from going,
The thought of love made her stay.

I don’t want to die
I also don’t want to live in fear of my life.
Everyday hoping not to give in to the devil
Thinking life it's better just to be blindsided.
Where are you?
I was with you from the start now I’m talking to the walls.
Hoping someone will hear my screams
No one ever does.
It's been three years since I last smiled.
Once again where are you?
I never gave up even when I was on the edge.
I guess love isn’t strong enough,
Now I stand on the bridge
Hoping to find met up for once.
Do you want me? I will give you my life.
Please I need you.

I’m sorry
It's the losing words,
I give up and don’t want to fight.
I can’t take seeing mad faces so I lay myself down to get walked over.
After a while, I got used to it.
I learned how to hide my emotions
Behind a locked door that will never open.
Try all you got and see that it will never move
Not even an inch.
If I hit the floor, I can't go lower.

Love
Love has no limits and not hate.
Don’t stand there and tell me you love it when you don’t even know her.
What’s her favorite color?
What makes her happy on a Cloudy day?
I watch her grow each day learning new things.
One day I hope she takes my last name.
I watched her cry over you.
She has only smiled because of me.
She laughed at my stories.
I cried to see you leave her again.
I may be her best friend, but one day I will be her whole life.
Love is making sure she is happy and cooking her favorite things.
I never once told her to change because she is fantastic just this way.

How much louder do her cries have to be to get heard?
Her mouth is getting tired of screaming for help.
Her tears are like the end of a sad movie.
If you looked up the warning signs of sucide
There will be a photo of her.
She try to wipe away the fears but then she would be gone.
She is too weak to fight forever
But too afraid to give up.

I now know I will never be enough.
I wish I was his ex.
He must have been really in love.
Watch me spread my wings,
He will regret this soon.
No, he won’t
I’m not this high school sweet hurt,
Not the one that makes him smile.
He wanted a rebound and I was easy to get too.
Thinking we would get married only to watch him leave in a minute.
I hope his ex understands he never fell out of love.
He tried to move on but his heart stayed.

Mexico
Today I was supposed to go there.
It was the thing that kept sane when I was insane.
Things don’t always go as planned, and I’m learning this the hard way.
I was in pain, but my mind used this as a reason to keep going.
this is gone what is next because my dreams are crashing likes fly in a window.
It’s a little buzz but doesn’t get louder even if I try to scream.
I was told to let it out, but it doesn’t work.
Nothing comes out, nothing but air.
I try to fight, but nothing is near me.
Today was a trip, but now I’m at home.

I’m in a field of nothing
I look for the opening, its hard not to think.
I clear my mind and fill it up with drugs to
Stop the emotions.
The field is my mind, there is no going back.
The weather is my emotions changes every few minutes,
One second it is sunny and chill.
The next second is the storm of nasty words and
Sharp objects.
The worst is the last the snow of numbness
When it touches get I confused and lost.
The field will grow one day
One day I will see the pretty views over the icy rivers.

Is this love?
Fearing for the dark spot
Getting used to screaming sounding like music.
Hoping one day all of this will be gone.
He said he loved me.
Isn’t that enough?
The words are covered in lost love.
I love you, is turning into an empty lie
This is no dream just too tired to start over.
Wishing for the past to come back.

The wind blowing as the hair is flowing in the moment.
Wearing coats too big but keeps us just as warm.
Time to fall in love while drinking cocoa.
The bad memories are starting to fade like a rainy day.
The good is staying put like your conversions.
At the end of the night, we all stare at the same snow falling from the tress.
I wished on a shooting star to keep this day with us forever.

My window
I look outside the same window,
Wondering if anything will change.
Will the flowers finally grow today?
I look at it one time, seeing the snowfall on the ground.
Realizing the start of winter finally happened.
I closed my eyes for a minute, and the snow was gone again.
It all started with a little sadness but ended back with summer nights.
We take four seasons for Granted.
One day everything will be different.
There will be no going back.
Today I looked outside my window one more time.

When boys take my heart, they leave in a million pieces.
Everyone says be Straight forward, but no one ever takes about this.
When you spend a few months playing with someone’s heart, but no one wants it back.
They all say get over it. He was nothing to you anyway. They don’t understand that I was falling in love with him.
I thought he felt the same way, but no one ever does.
I will still text him every day, hoping he changes his answer.

I really like you.
I'm too afraid to give my heart up again.
Will you promise not to break me?
Will you let me know when the love is gone in your eyes?
I can't watch you fall out of love.
Just to turn around and feel that way with someone else more then you ever did with me.
It's ok to leave,
Don't go without a word please.

I can’t look anymore,
All I see is mistakes of letting her go.
She wanted me to fight ,
I gave up after the first glare.
I didn’t want to be broken so I destroyed her instead.
She loved me but I didn’t want my feelings on the line.
Now I want her back.
Now I cry and she glows.

The day of lost
The day I won’t forget.
The screaming of happiness blocked out by madness .
Candy hearts turned into poison.
The memories sting but never disappear.
Love is the word that keeps us waiting.
I lost my love but at least I’m not gone.
Waiting each year for a rose that won’t turn into lies.

Her voice was as soft as cotton candy on a summer day.
Her body was like a river Beauty that never stop comings.
Her hair was smooth as lather chair.
My love for her only grow stronger each day.
I thought I couldn’t find my princess but all it took was waiting for the right one.
She is my world,
My happiness.

I let her in, in return
I got destroyed.
I showed my weakness, all I got
Was fake sorry. My house is filled with
Roses. I told her how that means nothing to me.
She tore my heart in two and watched me fall to the ground.
I trusted her, now all I can say is sorry. Even when I hear I love you,
I’m waiting for the end. It's hard to love someone when everything good is taken.
When I say I love you know I went through hell to get here. Please don’t hurt me again.
I can’t take it.

I look at it with tears in my eyes.
What's there, you may ask?
Nothing just empty thoughts of pain waiting to happen.
I see the future of regret,
I’m wishing to take the last ten seconds back.
I look at my tattoo one more time to give me hope,
The snowman tattoo smiles, praying I let go of the past.
Nothing will change until I do.

The light grows brighter,
When the darkness starts to fade.
Hold on for another day,
I will hold you tight until the sun rises.

I was his everything, or that’s what he said.
He liked other girls, but I didn’t want to believe it.
I held on too long, so he knew that I wouldn’t let go.
I wanted us to be the end game, but all he wanted it to was a fling.
This was a year ago. Why can’t I let go?
I hold wondering if he will come to me
He ever has, but I still wait in shallow and petty.