I'm not disheartened
I'm disillusioned

A day will come when my dream will come true
One I have dreamt of every night and morn
My dream will come true when you'll be born
That day I will give you a name
One I have thought of for so long
And you will give me a name too
One that completes me
A day will come when you'll call me 'Mom'

And this my dear I solemnly promise
Through the ever changing times, I'll be your constant
When the world leaves you shivering cold
My being will keep you warm
No matter how lost or alone you may feel
In me, you'll always have a home

A day will come when I'll tell you a story
One I have repeated to myself for so long
Of how the mere thought of your existence
Gave me the strength, to weather through every storm

I'm not afraid to admit now
Mistakes were made
.
.
.
.
.
.
Just not by me

You're bursting with untapped potential
If only the world could see
This light that courses inside you
Can shine brighter than the sun

You want to be something to someone
Truth is,
You'll never be anything to anyone

Someone once told you
Wealth and beauty they fade
The people who love you
Are all that matter in the long run

So, you want to be something to someone
Truth is,
You'll never be anything to anyone

You've tried many different paths
Failure has followed through each
But this is not the end of the road
No, your story has just begun

You want to be something to someone
Truth is,
You'll never be anything to anyone

Perseverance is half the battle
And giving up is the only true defeat
If you are still willing to fight
Well then you've already won

You want to be something to someone
Truth is,
You'll never be anything to anyone

So what if life uptil now
Has amounted to nothing
Go on and befriend patience
One day your time will come

You're only thirteen, just wait
You're only eighteen, wait some more
You're twenty six now, you can wait a little longer
You're still pretty young

You want to be something to someone
Truth is,
You'll never be anything to anyone

I know you've burnt every familial bridge
So what, start a family of your own
Give that love to your own daughter
Save that love for your own son

You want to be something to them
Truth is,
You'll never be anything to anyone

So stop this pointless dreaming
Don't cling so hard to hope
Just give up the gun
You're done
You're done
You're not worth much
You never were
You'll never be anything to anyone

Everytime I manage to accidentally climb my way back on to that pedestal with you, why do I fool myself into thinking this will last forever, why do I forget my true place. Lost in my dreams of greatness by proximity, why don't I remember how bad it hurt to hit my head on that last fall from grace

So here I lay in bed again
Counting up my lot
What I lost, what I won
What again I lost

Today I fooled myself
For a moment I fooled them all
I swear I soar so high
Before the inevitable fall

Then darkness reared its twisted head
That old familiar friend
Said: fool yourself all you want
I will always be your end

This time I will do things differently
I've learned how to play the game
But these legs they turn black and blue
Waiting for a call that never came

So darkness reared its head again
That old familiar friend
Said: Well, what did you expect?
I am your only end

And when the bitterness has taken root
That's when they give you a second shot
But it's too late now, I've lost my nerve
I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop

Come on darkness, where are you now
Atleast with you I don't have to pretend
So maybe its not so tragic
That you will always be my end

Why can't these fingers let the pain slip through
And only hold on to the good
Why can't I find the right words to say
Or act like I'm told I should

Darkness is standing behind me
That old familiar friend
Whispered softly: It's time to stop fighting
You know I'll be your end

Now I see the world for what it really is
Nothing but a wasteland
There's no place for someone like you out here
So just bury your head in the sand

I let the shadow of darkness in
That old familiar foe
Said: I am not a shadow, little girl
I am your very soul

I didn't lose
I didn't win
Hell, I just gave in
Guess I had known it all along
How this would always end

When life gives you lemons
Make lemon meringue pie!

Apologies!
If my good luck
Threw a wrench
In your plans
To torture me

When life knocks at your door
No matter how unexpected
No matter how inconvenient
Don't forget to answer

Colour between the lines
Watch for the warning signs
At the first glimmer of sunshine
Close the blinds
Be wary of the good times

I think it's all your fault
You're convinced I am to blame
Even in winning, I lose this battle
There is nothing left to gain

Bricks and mortar
Cinder and stone
An empty house is not a home

The smell of new paint
A dark blue undertone
An empty house is not a home

Streetlights shine bright
On an untrodden road
An empty house is not a home

Crisp green grass
A pathway of cobblestone
An empty house is not a home

Old regrets buried in the yard
New seeds are sown
An empty house is not a home

Searching through every room
Aimlessly I roam

Something I had lost
Something l'd never known
An empty house is not a home

Lost in deep thought
Resting on my throne
In a quiet corner
I sit alone

How close have we come
How far have we grown
An empty house is not a home

A roaring fireplace
Cold shivering bones

Dare to take a second glance
There is more to me than this
But you don't want to know
For you ignorance is bliss

The scent of freshly brewed coffee
A slice of deliciously moist chocolate cake
Basking in the winter midday sun
An entire day without having to see your face
I'm enjoying these simple pleasures of life
Can you blame me!

Distance makes the heart grow fonder
But only if the distance remains
The moment I see your face again
To me, it's all the same
We're strangers

Distance makes the love grow stronger
But only if the distance remains
The moment I hear your voice again
I know it's all the same
We're strangers
Like we've always been

Show me your heart
And I'll show you some respect

There is no hope for change
As far as the eye can see
I did not fail in this system
The system failed me

Is this your notion of a fair world?
Where everyone should suffer equally
Well, my definition of a fair world
Is one where no one has to suffer at all

See these blisters and callouses on my feet
Still you want to walk a mile in my shoes?

Half baked smiles
Bitter, deceitful wiles
True contentment is not really in my fate
But I need to keep up this illusion of grace

I keep a knife at the ready
It is cold, clean and always sharp
At the break of dawn, I cut myself
That is usually how the day starts
Each stroke is carefully crafted and confident
My incision is a work of art
Not a second is wasted, no move without purpose
I have carefully rehearsed every part

I deepen the wound
And relish at the gush of warm blood
I deepen it further
I enjoy watching myself come apart

But when teetering on the edge, I pull it back
I carefully dab the red away
And stitch myself back up again
Without so much as a scar
The world would never know the cut was even there
For my technique is flawless
It doesn't leave a mark

Come see the world through my eyes
Come feel it through me

Here ugliness is more ugly than imagination
But beauty more beautiful than thoughts can be
Here bruises of the soul are a visible blue
For anyone who dares to look closely

You can feel the pain of the broken man
Standing where he lay and bled
Here a papercut is as bad as a gashing wound
But the blood is a brilliant red

Here life is rarely ever fair
You don't get what you give
But you welcome the disappointment with open arms everytime
For to feel is to live

Hope is not dead
It's on life support
Sure hope it pulls through

Trying to keep the hope alive
Is killing me

When people ask 'How are you doing?'
They don't really want to know the truth

I've been patient for all these years
How much longer must I wait
If you're willing to take responsibility today
I promise you a clean slate

To you we are all equal
But only I share your name
Can't you see: The people you love,
And the people who love you
They are not the same

You lost my respect a long time ago
But the love still remains
Despite every tainted memory
Your blood still runs through my veins

Now the truth is right in front of you
Just open your eyes and see
Show me that you're worth that love
Before you lose all of me

Words I had once longed to hear
Have arrived so late
They seem to have lost all meaning

Cried myself to sleep again tonight
Ah, such fond memories of childhood!

You keep asking me to put myself out there
Um, where is that exactly?

Money can't buy confidence
-
-
-
So I got no desire to be rich

You can rest in peace
I have forgiven your crime
I am still alive
But you killed my spirit

If you can't pull me back from the edge
Won't you atleast have the courtesy to push me off it

Unworthy
Uninspired
Unmotivated
Unwanted



Unwilling
To feel like this forever

I made a promise not to fight anyone today
So instead I fought myself
And every basic instinct I had
Now I'm a tired warrior, a hollow victor

There's an itch at the back of my throat
Something you said today
I find it hard to swallow
My stomach is turning knots
My tongue too flaccid to make a sound
The poison of your vile words
Have left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth

Someday, not far from now
You'll choke on your own words and die

Losing my hair
Losing my mind
Losing all sight
Of what I want
down the line
Sanity, I fear
Is not something
I'm ever meant to find

Now that I'm older, wiser
I feel more understood
Because I'm a lot more understanding

I'll be done being mad at the world
When I get some good news

Dear friend,
I swear I tried my best
I held out for as long as I could
But I had to resort to the pills