خوشی آتی ہے تو پوچھتا ہے
یہاں کیا کر رہی ہوں  
اس گلی میں تو تمہارا گزر بسر نہیں        
ترس ترس کے ایسا پتھر کا ہو گیا ہے
اب اگر خوشی آ بھی جائے
تو اس دل پر کوئی اثر نہیں

Now that I'm older, wiser
I feel more understood
Because I'm a lot more understanding

I made a promise not to fight anyone today
So instead I fought myself
And every basic instinct I had
Now I'm a tired warrior, a hollow victor

Half baked smiles
Bitter, deceitful wiles
True contentment is not really in my fate
But I need to keep up this illusion of grace

When life knocks at your door
No matter how unexpected
No matter how inconvenient
Don't forget to answer

You had turned into an appendiceal being
So I decided to cut you out of my life
And it wasn't even that difficult
You didn't put up much of a fight
I thought I'd miss it, talking to you
But I don't, I don't miss being talked down to
I cut you out of my life and it was so easy
You slipped away quite seamlessly
Made sense, after all you served no purpose
You were nothing now but a rotting old mess
Vestigial people, they're always meant to be shed

Trying to keep the hope alive
Is killing me

Words I had once longed to hear
Have arrived so late
They seem to have lost all meaning

I keep a knife at the ready
It is cold, clean and always sharp
At the break of dawn, I cut myself
That is usually how the day starts
Each stroke is carefully crafted and confident
My incision is a work of art
Not a second is wasted, no move without purpose
I have carefully rehearsed every part

I deepen the wound
And relish at the gush of warm blood
I deepen it further
I enjoy watching myself come apart

But when teetering on the edge, I pull it back
I carefully dab the red away
And stitch myself back up again
Without so much as a scar
The world would never know the cut was even there
For my technique is flawless
It doesn't leave a mark

If you can't pull me back from the edge
Won't you atleast have the courtesy to push me off it

I'm not disheartened
I'm disillusioned

Everytime I manage to accidentally climb my way back on to that pedestal with you, why do I fool myself into thinking this will last forever, why do I forget my true place. Lost in my dreams of greatness by proximity, why don't I remember how bad it hurt to hit my head on that last fall from grace

I'll be done being mad at the world
When I get some good news

When life gives you lemons
Make lemon meringue pie!

Apologies!
If my good luck
Threw a wrench
In your plans
To torture me

The bearer of bad news
Let me be
Proceed to **** the messenger
Set him free

The scent of freshly brewed coffee
A slice of deliciously moist chocolate cake
Basking in the winter midday sun
An entire day without having to see your face
I'm enjoying these simple pleasures of life
Can you blame me!

Love in the time of cholera
Hatred in the time of covid-19

You keep asking me to put myself out there
Um, where is that exactly?

Money can't buy confidence
-
-
-
So I got no desire to be rich

Cried myself to sleep again tonight
Ah, such fond memories of childhood!

See these blisters and callouses on my feet
Still you want to walk a mile in my shoes?

Dare to take a second glance
There is more to me than this
But you don't want to know
For you ignorance is bliss

I've decided to stop fighting it
Turn the music in my mind up, let it play
To the rhythm, let my thoughts sway
I achieved nothing yesterday
I won't be achieving anything today
But hey, it's all okay
Just another day of wasting my life away

Losing my hair
Losing my mind
Losing all sight
Of what I want
down the line
Sanity, I fear
Is not something
I'm ever meant to find

You can rest in peace
I have forgiven your crime
I am still alive
But you killed my spirit

Is this your notion of a fair world?
Where everyone should suffer equally
Well, my definition of a fair world
Is one where no one has to suffer at all

You're bursting with untapped potential
If only the world could see
This light that courses inside you
Can shine brighter than the sun

You want to be something to someone
Truth is,
You'll never be anything to anyone

Someone once told you
Wealth and beauty they fade
The people who love you
Are all that matter in the long run

So, you want to be something to someone
Truth is,
You'll never be anything to anyone

You've tried many different paths
Failure has followed through each
But this is not the end of the road
No, your story has just begun

You want to be something to someone
Truth is,
You'll never be anything to anyone

Perseverance is half the battle
And giving up is the only true defeat
If you are still willing to fight
Well then you've already won

You want to be something to someone
Truth is,
You'll never be anything to anyone

So what if life uptil now
Has amounted to nothing
Go on and befriend patience
One day your time will come

You're only thirteen, just wait
You're only eighteen, wait some more
You're twenty six now, you can wait a little longer
You're still pretty young

You want to be something to someone
Truth is,
You'll never be anything to anyone

I know you've burnt every familial bridge
So what, start a family of your own
Give that love to your own daughter
Save that love for your own son

You want to be something to them
Truth is,
You'll never be anything to anyone

So stop this pointless dreaming
Don't cling so hard to hope
Just give up the gun
You're done
You're done
You're not worth much
You never were
You'll never be anything to anyone

Distance makes the heart grow fonder
But only if the distance remains
The moment I see your face again
To me, it's all the same
We're strangers

Distance makes the love grow stronger
But only if the distance remains
The moment I hear your voice again
I know it's all the same
We're strangers
Like we've always been

Unworthy
Uninspired
Unmotivated
Unwanted



Unwilling
To feel like this forever

Dear friend,
I swear I tried my best
I held out for as long as I could
But I had to resort to the pills

When people ask 'How are you doing?'
They don't really want to know the truth

Colour between the lines
Watch for the warning signs
At the first glimmer of sunshine
Close the blinds
Be wary of the good times

A day will come when my dream will come true
One I have dreamt of every night and morn
My dream will come true when you'll be born
That day I will give you a name
One I have thought of for so long
And you will give me a name too
One that completes me
A day will come when you'll call me 'Mom'

And this my dear I solemnly promise
Through the ever changing times, I'll be your constant
When the world leaves you shivering cold
My being will keep you warm
No matter how lost or alone you may feel
In me, you'll always have a home

A day will come when I'll tell you a story
One I have repeated to myself for so long
Of how the mere thought of your existence
Gave me the strength, to weather through every storm

I'm not afraid to admit now
Mistakes were made
.
.
.
.
.
.
Just not by me