There is freedom in isolation,
in being idle and invisible,
where one could sit in muteness,
swim widely in dusk and ask,
"Am I really here,
if no one is around to see?"
A different kind of suicide

There is pleasure in being a shadow,
in pretending you don't exist,
to avoid acting like you do

Solitude isn't a time for me
to let myself free
but rather a time to free myself
from who I am

Outside the confinement of company,
I am anyone and anything,
I am someone else, somewhere else
I am alive,
but I am no one
I am alone

a.r.

she is a beast you can never feed enough
she keeps coming back for more and more
up to the slightest slither of your soul
she is eternally starving for your state of mind
she will feed and feed on your very soul
whether it is day or night
she will wake you from your slumber
to torture you
she will torture you in your dreams
until you wake
and torture you some more while you're conscious
feed and feed from your very soul with much greed
she will never leave you be
she will forever whisper untruths into your head
unless you are dead
telling you that you are no good
and that no one will ever care nor notice
it will be just you, your subconscious and the unwanted guest
who goes by anxiety
also known as
depression
the shakes
the jitters
the heebie-jeebies
fear of the unknown is what she really is
also known as, your life
ps, you are not alone
we are all twisted
in ways we can't even begin to express
the beast anxiety feasts on us all
and she is eternally famished

i’ve barely slept,
i’m running on adderal and self loathing,
a mix that has kept me alive for far too long.
i’ve barely slept,
i want you to kiss me until our lips are bruised and touch me hard enough that traces of your fingertips can still be seen on my skin.
i’ve barely slept,
i miss the feeling of someone’s mouth on my neck,
the feeling of gentle kisses starting at my collarbone and falling lower and lower and lower.
i’ve barely slept,
i’m running on adderal and self loathing,
when what i really need is to find my relief in you.

"How to tell if he likes you"
"How to make him like you"
"How to avoid falling in love"
"How to impress a Capricorn"
"How to get over him"
"How to let go"
"What to do when you love someone who doesn't love you"
"What is limerance"
"How to heal limerance"
"Limerance vs true love"
"How to know he's the one"
"How to move on"
"How to get over someone you've never dated"
"How to tell if you're ugly and no one likes you"
"How to get him to notice you"
"How to forget him"
"How to stop thinking about him"
"How long does it take to get over someone"
"Pills to help you forget"
"Therapist near me"
"Books about self healing"
"Movies to watch when you are feeling sad"
"How to win the lottery and disappear to a foreign country"
"Teaching jobs in China"
"How far is China"
"Tattoo artist near me"
"How to stop feeling lonely"
"Church near me now"
"What does she have that I don't have"
"Liquor store near me"

I do not want to see tomorrow.
Nor the day after.
I simply have no desire to.
For I already know what tomorrow holds.
And the day after.
Pain and sorrow.
No joy, no laughter.
More tears.
More heartache.
More surprises, of what could possibly go wrong?
Every time I think to myself,
I have been through it all.
The universe goes,
Wait until you see this.
And I am tired.
I am done.
I have been crying and crying.
No more.
I do not wish to see tomorrow.
Nor the day after.
Not unless tomorrow is my date of death.
I have seen enough birthdays.
Enough to know,
That I want no more.
No more tomorrow.
Nor the day after.

Love, 'tis not real!
For I love someone,
Who shares no love for me.
Does not envision me in that fashion.
How then, can love exist?
How, do I mourn a love never encountered nor experienced?
Forget a kiss never felt upon my lips?
Long for an embrace never lived?
Yet it dwells in my conscience,
Probably permanently.
Close upon constantly.
For I keep pondering,
Where lies my fault?
I am ever grasping for air to breathe.
Love, has never been real, a mere ruse!
For, I love someone.
Yet, they will never love me.
Perhaps, I am deranged.
'Tis my own negligence.
For loving someone,
Who will never see me.
Perhaps, love does exist.
For, I love someone.
I, truly love someone.
I wish someone loved me too.
Love, cannot possibly be real.
For, how can true love be unrequited?
How can real love be loss?
How can love be so lonely?

Since you chose death,
My dearly departed.
It is as though I am alone deserted on planet earth.
You have left me dismayed and disheartened.

The void you leave behind is unimaginable.
I have since not found peace nor slumber.
The pain you leave behind is unbearable,
Since you opted to surrender.

To the death angel, you succumbed;
As you drew your final breath.
Did you think of me when you plunged,
Into the infinite river of death?

Oh, how I wish you were here still.
I curse the mighty death and his kith and kin.
For to have you amongst the living, I would fight and ****.
Although it is yet the greatest sin.

Since death chose you,
And you are now but ash and dust.
I eternally miss you,
And fate is ever unjust.

She takes the most underserving of souls,
Into her black forest of gruesome beasts.
Filled with demons and ghastly ghouls,
Where the reaper feasts and feasts.

No more, is your flesh and bones.
Since you and death now dance together,
To a rhythm of dreadful, wicked woes.
You married the groom of nightfall forever.

And I envy peace and slumber,
For I long and weep for you, until my final hour.