i became the only boy
that i wanted to take
my shirt off for
step out of my pants
without falling over
and pull my socks off
one by one

i don’t really know
how this whole thing works
but it seems like dinner
would happen first
maybe i’d bring flowers
say how handsome i look outloud
and mean it

if i still had to wear a bra
i would buy a nice one first
splurge on something more
substantial than a sports bra
maybe something with
an underwire and little ribbons
show that part of me some love

and i would be slow about it
run my hands over this body
that dysphoria has always kept
me from exploring
with my own flesh against flesh

take the time to learn
all the curves and edges
of this vessel that has never
really felt like home
always too tight around
certain parts and too loose
in others

but that wouldn’t matter
because i would be a gentleman
and do this with the lights on
pull my shirt off
in a way that wasn’t rushed
and begging to be put back on
right after it would hit the floor
at my feet

and my knees wouldn’t shake
mapping out the parts of myself
i always wanted to cut off
and my breath wouldn’t falter
but go out easier than it had
in years

because i am the only boy
i ever wanted to take
my shirt off for
and i deserve to feel beautiful
and handsome
and fragile in some parts
because i am still here

******
i am still here

I live among ghosts now
Because magic always has a price.

To bring you back-
I had to revive dead versions,
Of who I used to be.

- This love is haunting and raising things that were better left dead has consequences
- You are here , but you love her

years later and i still can’t let you go.
i still remember that night in december long ago when i realized i loved you, and i remember the fear i felt because i knew this would change me forever.
i cried and i punched and i hated myself for letting myself fall for you, but before i knew it i was stuck in a dark abyss with no way out, and it was far too late, so here i am.
ever since you’ve gone, nothing feels real. its like i’m stuck in a dream state, and i’m waiting to wake up one day to your arms around me and the rhythm of your breathing.
it kills me that i haven’t seen your face and been in your presence in so long.
maybe i really never will get over you,
maybe you never will stop being the reason i do the things i do,
maybe there never will be an us again,
but you will without a doubt always be my last thoughts as i gaze into the pretty city lights and the twinkling stars.
a part of my heart will always be yours.
a part of my body will always be yours.
a part of my mind will always be yours.
a part of my soul will always be yours.
i will forever wait for you, and i know one day, if we ever reunite, i will fall for you all over again, and it will be as beautiful as the first time.

Being with you
Is like tasting eternity
Just one sip
And I’m addicted for eternity

Just one more sip
One more I beg
Just to taste you
And want more, once again

My head once rested on your shoulder.
Your skin once brushed 'gainst mine.
Our eyes once smiled,
But love, once wild,
Will always tame with time.

- p. winter

forget me
all the times we had
what i thought was love
was a joke waiting to be told
laughed by your own
tore away at my soul

hello drugs
how you've been good to me
left my body numb
I've never been more free
... cant you see

you were the drug i always needed
to let go of the world
all of these tears gone to waste
if i could choose my life
so easy to copy and paste

a different me
another path that could lead
to happiness
if only
if only it wasn't just a dream

im numb

Summer, take the rain away.
Summer, take the pain away.
Winter froze my flowering heart,
Teach it how to bloom today.

- p. winter