I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

does the inside of your head
ever feel like a radio
thats constantly changing
stations
with lots of
static
and all the stations are
bad thoughts
that are strung together in
a sort of continuous narrative
of constantly escalating
fear
and
compounding dread?

They're probably talking behind my back
Laughing at my mistakes
Thinking I'm a ****
Hating me

I wear a mask
Never able to say what I think
In fear of being hated
Of being alone

But I'm already alone, you see
For my brain left me long ago
To rot in this body
To rot and die

you wake up
his hair is spilled across the pillow,
the sun slants across his cheekbone
and his breath is slow and even.
he smells like an open field
and his body is wrapped around yours
so he keeps you warm.
you think,
there is no moment better than this,
that he is too perfect to exist.
but you wake up gasping,
skin soaked in sweat.
you lie there for a long time,
in your completely empty bed.