7 billion people
and I found you

I know you won’t read this
and I know you won’t care
but I will tell you what it was like.

It was blurry.
it was slow
but time was running fast.
It was dusty feet
and dusty souls.
It was feeling nothing
and then all at once.
It was hating you
to drown the urge of hugging you.
It was writing a poem
and post it
wishing you will relate to it.

But who cares,
you don’t.

I am a blank
A space between words
That airless void
Of wingless birds

I am a vacant gaze
married to a vapid poise
Threadbare sighs
Eclipsing noise

Expiring dust as
I meander through a mesh of white washed walls
Empty corridors
And ashen floors

I am a limbo
A platitude of muted grey
A limp film of rust
flattening the fray

I am a milk-and-water puddle
Of sunken skin
I can’t care for a world
Which I’m no longer in

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

Something has gone awry inside me
Like the taste of milk right before it goes off
Still works but not quite right and not for long
I dream of drinking till stupor
A blur
Of swaying rhythmically in a crowd- lost in a lonely wave of other lifeless souls
Pretending to be living life
Perhaps that is life
But all we seem to be doing is escaping
Because escaping is easy
What is hard is routine
Of roots
Of follow throughs
Not falling out
Of learning instead of leaning
Of moving forward
Moving on from those whove dragged us down
Even if down is where it's easy to hide
To complain
That life isn't right
When we are doing nothing to solve the wrong
What's wrong with wallowing in self pity?
It's no self disservice if sorrow is the end goal
But if you get to pick which way to point your pointless life
Why pair yourself with sadness when you can chose an other wife