There is a doll in
a little brick house
with satin tights
and her shirt tucked in
and she is smiling
because the machine
that made her
carved a smile into
her plastic head.

i woke up this morning and
my phone told me today was
april 29th
and my first thought was that
today is your birthday
and how you were older than the rest of the class
because you repeated the second grade
it’s funny how i always remember this day
even though we no longer speak
except when i run into you in the college hallways
and the last real conversation we had
was probably in the fifth grade
it’s funny how i remember you
even though i really don’t think about you
and now you are just
a poem i wrote
on your birthday

The seasons change
and you paint what you see:
Silver snow banks,
fragile trees with budding leaves
red blossoms, exploding pink roses,
and gold leaves gleaming in puddles.
And we wear the seasons on our backs:
Sweaters with snowflakes,
light-weight light-green silk scarves,
blouses and strappy sandals the color of tulips,
cardigans and boots heavy like the falling leaves.
And so inside reflects the outside---
the sky above the water,
photo next to the paintbrush,
the window on the house,
the window in your living room.

I hope you are happy.
truly
honestly
completely
from the bottom of my cold heart that you tried to crack.
Let's take it back to the days filled with conversations
exclamations
everything and nothing
sleepovers and truth or dare
curling hair and asking where
where was the future taking us?
surely, we didn't think it was here
you broke me in a way you'll never see
because the sores in my mouth that I carved expertly
are scarred over
but I can still taste their blood
I can still feel the word ring in my ears for all to hear
freak
freak
freak
I was
I am
I cut my mouth open with fangs that sprouted from my gums
the bathroom door met my fists in a most cordial meeting
it was just a word
five letters arranged in a particular way
but it came from your mouth
the mouth that used to grin at my jokes and laugh every time I spoke
the teeth braces spent years trying to fix and no matter how many
gallons of soda you drank
they still managed to mature into pearls
pearls are beautiful but now I can see the sharpness to their shine
it cut me
and others are deceived by their glimmer
you tried to cut me down and congratulations you did
but even a dandilion can survive a few hits