“i love you”
the purest words you say
but my tears blurred my thoughts
like always

the night after i killed myself
the sun had sank, and i saw you
silently crying looking at the stars
dont worry, im them, and theyre me
perhaps you could find me in the vastness of space

the night after i killed myself
i went back to the place where i stayed the most
the bed was still warm, and hugo, dear stuffed dog, lays there
he knows i wont come back
at least he tried

the night after i killed myself
mother looked at my room
wondering what did she do wrong
wasnt she a good mother?
it wasnt you

the night after i killed myself
for once father felt guilty
he took mother’s hand, trying to comfort her
he knows he was a part of it

the night after i killed myself
i finally closed my eyes,
guided to eternity, maybe?
i just know i am in peace
among the pines of eternal rest
birds sing, lullaby sang by mother
when i was little

eyes of a fawn
innocent and wide.
its gaze on its mother,
its pelt spotted
like the shadow of the trees.

a cricket chirps,
little fawn looks back—
a stick breaks,
little fawn is gone.

hurt, touched, dead.
the mother was far away now.
it’s okay, little fawn,
it wasn’t your fault
for being born.

you die.

like everyone.
everyone dies.
you’re just like anyone else.

the stars burn out too
but they don’t beg to be remembered.
still, they’re like anyone else.

no one’s remembered.
even if you try.
because our lives only exist to be our own.

because some wise lady told me
‘the universe never ends, it just changes.’

looked like immense pain,
but it was just the desperate pleading for me to stay

im weightless in the sea

i try to swim, swim back

back to the flowers,
the footsteps

to the shore

but i chose to drown
it’s my fault i’m weightless

like jellyfish
i glow in the sea
swimming, free

take a breath
but you chose death

you speak,
and more cracks appear

through my face
my lungs
my heart

you speak.
‘you wanted me to face my truth?’
‘so why don’t you face YOURS?’

my body broke.
i am truly broken without them

your old life is no more
you are not a girl
you killed her
you killed a girl

waking up
feeling like her
cut your hair
silently you swear
that you’ll change
but isn’t it strange?

when will she die?
when will she die in me?
she always comes back
but my old life is no more

throughout the night
you scream with delight
from far away,
she hears you.