I see myself counting the days
Although i dont know when ill return
These endless days turn into endless nights
Sunsets, sunrise
Soil stains and receeds in the cracks of my palm
Sunkissed cheeks,
Cigar burning my chapped lips
I came here by choice
I came here by chance
No one to catch me as I stumble
As I struggle to catch a grip
No one to carry the weight...
But my bones

Dehydrated veins
Compromised soul
A determination to conquor
Not the land but the person within

Im no hopeless wanderer
Just a lonesome forester

Bang
In an instant it is all erased
every word
every fallacy
every memory
Gone...

At night I barely dream
because reality had invaded my perception
Dreams skewed by happiness and revolting angst
nobody is who they are
or who they say they will be
it is all in colour
but fuzzed out like my old television screen
the static energy
cut and paste faces
old foreign postcards
What the **** does this all mean?
Am I living the dream and reality is my sleep
or is this all just a big misunderstanding

Hold on, I think I hear my alarm clock beep..

Oh simplicity how you reach out to my closed arms
  in fear of how simple it may be to be happy
  Without worldly posessions in grasps of their needy hands
I've never felt so at peace as the trade winds sweep my hair on delicate sunsets of May
  where red wine makes me lush but aware...
  of the magnificence of this moment,  here,  now.
The geese migrate, I seperate from the man made sounds of the city
  although the connect the dots of street lights seem to guide me
The shifting landscape
  the shifted skew of my life
  five years ago I wouldn't have guessed this far
The time is so simple, slow-moving, sweet
   I can almost feel the heart beat of excitement
  or the beat within my youthful feet.
The railroad still gleams at dusk
  as does the lake shine
  as does the hidden blackbirds and blossoms of springtime.
I now spend here alone as I did when I was young
  troubled, I would run.... to the same spot
  and watch the same sun as it shone
  day became night
  the stars endless candle light
Now I'd ponder for hours
  leave here smittin
  relieved by the gift of life

I often forgot how precious simplicity is as I rush through the day...
But why can't we just lay back in silence
wallow in what is...
ponder like a little child of what may be out in the universe

I lay here now,  alone
Spell bound by what I see
an array of colourful hues and natures generosity
I wish you were here with me

Smoke plumes heave as I exhale through these lungs
This place of mine, timeless
memories still live here
I've come to remember all I have known
and the simplicity of happiness still flourishes here
just got to stop and wallow...

I used to stare at the night sky
wondering if the one person I'll forever love
would be watching the same star...
Now I stare at the stars knowing the one I love is out there
and each star keeps me company in his absence...
Love is everywhere
you just got to be ready to open your heart
Happiness is there
you just got to forget about everything and see it

It is hard to fathom the thoughts of a nineteen year old.
It is hard to consider which outside factors have effected your past, which influenced the present,
which inturn influences your future.
Every single moment spent somehow turns into a mascarade,
another page in your story.
The scale in which your past can influence a single moment of now is ridiculous.
No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that it doesn't or it won't... is a lie.
The past is what made you who you are right now, in this moment today.
Although it does not mean that you can't change in the future and it doesn't mean you can't break the happen of running in circles.
It all really doesn't matter.
I mean running from a past that you want to erase will only erase the future.
When reality is a dizzy dream like state and it is injected with pure abuse your bound to break.
When you bottle up your thoughts and feelings,
and hold back those question.
Your holding back on moving forward.
If we only have this moment then why are so driven in circles by whats to be 10 years from now,
or what happened within the 10 years past.
It is all insignificant.
We can plan ahead, we can make the steps forward from yesterday, wallow within now
and ponder the possibilities of tomorrow.
What is positive now may be negative later on.
The thing is we never know what is to come of us, the people we love, the people we meet.
The only thing certain is that we all live and die.
I guess really all I am trying to say is, love without regret, live now.
The past consumes souls because we allow it too.
Withdraw from the addiction.
Surround yourself with those who make you happy now.
Don't worry about tomorrow because this moment is all you have and all you ever have.
Cause 2 minutes ago is history, and this single second is all we have.
Withdraw from your ego, forgive those who done you wrong, and continue to embrace this single moment and carry on.

these nights seem to get longer
the days are counting down but I still don't know
what time, where or when
it hasn't even been a week but I miss the simple things
your smile in the morning
talking over a cup of tea
Because of you I love red lights
and walks at 3 am
I love dancing to no music in the snow
to show me how vulnerable I am
my corny jokes and cherry colts
watching stars all in a daze
driving through a small town maze
                 four months isn't long right?
I won't forget you love.

Sometimes home doesn't feel like home at all
The hate you harbour,
the words that pour from your mouths.
Moments of bliss are a disguise
I look in the mirror
I am not foreign to the pain in these eyes.
In time they say, things will change
I wish everything would wash away with the rain

I run from everything you are
I hide from the scars
I try to forgive and forget
but when the memories are reality now it is hard

It is a routine these child like schemes
I am tired as you must be too
Home no longer feels welcome
I wish it would be
Everytime I come back
I regret the decision
Everytime I come back
I hope things have changed
But when you have been living this way for so long
what can I say....
Oh what I would give to hear you say...
I am happy.