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816 · Apr 2013
the sky out, tonight
Tom McCone Apr 2013
memory clings to my porous depths,
moments now all but nonexistent, in a
shatter-scar painted fog,
rolling in further,
each hour before dawn.

what I have not yet even begun
has already transpired,
and dug ditches into
point-blanched seconds,
as I sit,
on the windowsill,
looking out over the ocean.

its countless cerulean rivulets,
tugging, at the
worn-down and torn-apart fabric,
binding the center of my chest,
each little shard
another droplet of
growing, smiling sharpness.
it whispers:

"you're in love
with the sea,
so
why don't
you just
god-
**** drown?"


so I set aside
all my nails,
and walk down,
to the shoreline;
but

I'm just
sad words,
and
no action;

so I slip back, to square one,
just a little further down,

and

rinse,
and repeat.
814 · Dec 2013
0.41
Tom McCone Dec 2013
heat sinks through
my skin these days, i
can't keep it out. i can't stay
put to shed the extraneous
motion inside of me; i suppose,
if anything,
i'm contracting, collapsing.

god knows what i am willing,
but, angularly, my
motives are changing and i'm
afraid of where these
clouds lead.

am i free or just a
cast shadow of me?
am i a liar,
or do i care simply in veiled metre,
and
would i stop before i seem?
i can't cope with strangers here but,
i can't move an inch.
Tom McCone May 2013
I'm going in there,

the box is locked, but I've been feigning,
shouldering off opportunities,
tormenting
how you lie, how;
you
are too ****
      good,
      too **** sweet,
      for me.

still,
take me with you, please.

how do you manage to,
or, how do I delude myself as,
to get to the matter at hand:
i want
every
last brushstroke
of your co-ordinate skin
surface patch union
in a quilt of
frail, tendre, beauteous,
branching, distant
expansions.
but you're here,
            no mind.

ok, so:

you're a forest fire in my
eyes when
I simply glaze through
your
al-
a-
ba-ster domain,

where your heart sits,
still,
contorted,
left, chinese-puzzled, by a boy you, still,
could never hate.

{nobody ever hates anyway, truly} maybe.
{nobody ever loves anyway, truly} I guess I have proof, otherwise.

And I, well,
I could never not love everything.
Whatever it is, makes up you.
Sorry.

I'm out of sorts at the moment. I'll write something worthwhile, someday. maybe :>
800 · Oct 2014
sandstone, stillness
Tom McCone Oct 2014
just sat inside for the lack of light;
night kept on for weeks. several coat-
pockets later, something choked up.
something let out. here, you
were a shell imprinted into the cliffs,
watching over darkened and still waters.
waiting to fall. clasped in tender hands:

dirt, glass shards, rust filings, discarded
seaweed on wire hook. there, you
were sediment compounding under your
footmarks. slipping towards faith, first shivering
the second you put down fingerprints in the shade.

the sun trickled soft through pine needles,
you'll always be as beautiful as that light;
some half-hour distant, you'll find out.

so, as salt-spray wears teethmarks into
your sleeping motions, i sit upon
the shoreline and collect handfuls of
pebbles, full of hope your curvatures
will curl out of these coagulated beds,

these hollows i lay awake in.
797 · Dec 2013
places we hit
Tom McCone Dec 2013
all in footprints i
throw onto the side
walk i mesh with
patterns laid out
like so many
fractions of leaves
caught in an under
tow, when
autumn emerges once more and
streams down the hall, i
can't remember
why
i ever thought at all
that these splinters
inside of me
would just dissolve;
or how
i ever got so
down and out.

little by little, fractures
develop. little by little, i'm
breaking down.
and,
for an eye's blink duration,
i finally understand,
what has come to be, the
sapling of reason i might be able to breathe
a little longer or
curl away, until
the lights in your eyes
become slowly emptying stars,
gracing some horizon, once again,
like
before i found i'd ever fall for you,
and the split-second it took to change that.

'cause, now,
i can't stay asleep,
i can't sleep, can't
find sleep, amongst these tides,
i can't sleep anywhere,
can't
          do this
anymore, {for the thirty-seventh time, I whisper.}

the moment dissolves.
awake, eyes closing.
the splinters don't budge.

still awake,
twisting nothing.
795 · May 2014
by late light
Tom McCone May 2014
brush teeth with some resolve
i'm empty as always but
i'm convinced you might know
how to fix me, or at least
how to **** me. caught
word on some wind, out on the
highway, nothing matters. not
heartbreak, not mistakes. i
can't blame you for changing.

but if you are waiting, i
might alter my pace. this
could be the last first night
i feel this way, with no
means to celebrate or dissolve
into catastrophe. i'm so full
of empty so baby please
save me.                    

i can't do better but i can't
really promise i'll stay the same.
caught a bus up the one-way.
babe, all i saw was your face.
movin' out midwest or somewhere
else, just another mistake, just
another escape. doesn't matter
anyway. can't promise
things will be ok.

but maybe i could
love you, someday.
795 · Feb 2014
poison (in the kitchen)
Tom McCone Feb 2014
would I could I have gotten
you, but I have this:
but I hold my downfall
between bubbles, or
between slurring fingertips;
pressure
loss, diffident
indifference,
bitter delirium, I
wake through the
marshes of all
thoughts I call mine, but
she, with quivering hands,
pulls trumps and
bares teeth and

i, small creature i,
decompose another fraction,
break and bend and
swallow no pride, tonight.

so hallowed, these lives!
like I lie, in-between
awake or no such dream or
the pursuit of impossibility:
an appetite turning these
wheels to drive us each home to
each of our own tiny
fallacious undestinies,
where lined veins underhandedly
tighten and leave,
stumble or bleed;
traces of the same want and amount of nothing.

from lustgarden cradled in concrete i
turn corners, i
recompose, with eyes alight. i
bare teeth, i
wake and bleed,
and still see.

I still breathe.
{sometimes I wonder if i'm even evil at all}
Tom McCone Dec 2012
sailing for better shores, or abandoned islands,
      folding paper boats, destined for the mainland.
sat on a bench an hour and a half, out on that bay,
                                          watching seagulls scream,
walking through the dusty overgrowth in a daydream haze,
                                            drawing tiny recipes for loneliness
             out of the thin air.

                         for three days,
        haven't seen fit to eat or drink;
   all sustenance just unsettles
that terrible ache
in the pit of this assemblage of flesh,
        as long days curl into the crescent of
             such half-hearted lunar illumination

the sand always brings those thoughts back-
           how the lights out east
                         strangled the knots
                       in that mousey forest of hair,
eyes, opaque in the shade of half of a hand,
            watching the clock,
               with nowhere to be.

           she disappeared
like paper boats sailing out to sea.
789 · Apr 2013
double fake
Tom McCone Apr 2013
I guess, I haven’t handled
complex operations, like
the removal of you,
before:

maybe that’s why I didn’t get it
right,
and now,
there are still suture stains,
scalpel tips,
leaf litter,
floating amongst my workings,
etched with your syllables.

I suppose I’d thought of
what I’d say,
if you said “come back, please?”:

if I could, no.

most likely an uncertain shrug,
before resumption,
again, following each of your tender footprints.

but, no. definitively, no.

sure enough as the sun eventually slips,
I’ll find another shadow to drag across my aching heart,
no matter how your remnants last,
stinging, to remind me,
of what I had once wanted.

another quiet song I shall sing,
this one, upon newer ears.

hopefully, not another deaf set.
783 · Oct 2013
Three/Losing
Tom McCone Oct 2013
at once, a world is deigned in
colour or some other life-like
artifice. with no need to find
fault in these motions, the
sky trails on, the clouds follow
in all and fragile suit. for
an instant all things are
composed.              
                all animacy
yields this wallpapered lounge;
the stacks of light, in sway.
and here, me, in
obsoletionary pose, in drought.
the entropic slow loss of
self-esteem, the ability to
retain memories, the light
burnt clean through these
papered walls.          
but i still brush my teeth,
still keep clean, still keep
hope bundled, tight, close:
a dream,      
     i'll never see.
a memory never        
             made reality.

common uncertainty, or
the unmaking of me.
I am made of absences.
782 · Feb 2013
mock seed
Tom McCone Feb 2013
call up in spring, maybe maybe maybe
                                          maybe,
I've caught mine in the stream:

                 hollow things.

hollow, hollow, seeing and free
directions, contortions
cool down, riverbeds of
flowers that sun made
in dark spot phase turning to
alive alive alive alive alive
breathing cold warm cold, nothing

  any
                                            more

ripples like the stilts feet fell through to
carve square pegs in the holes in my
skin and feign ignorance to let up
sunspot light fading writhing
keeping me alive alive
alive alive alive
all through
this gold
cursed
night
772 · Dec 2014
gorge
Tom McCone Dec 2014
and so, the process began: a
sweet little trace, across the road.

held open a wound just to
catch a minute of movement. nothing
transcendent. wouldn't have
wanted to lose touch so
soon. still, with stoic fate
up on high, with strings tied
to first-knuckle joints. some
opportune fortune, stealing
glances at loss of traction.

trembling aside, lack of sleep
aside, rhetorical fervour lain,
now, out in fields. i didn't
have to swear, up-down-left
-right, to untold ideology;
to hold joy, in wavering palms.

all yet, in an ocean not unlike sleep.

this minute yields to the same
fallacy, the well-wrought plan-
those with no
splinter in the work fine enough to
sink in to. sequence of sweet ideals;
series of increasing differences,
mounting, ebbed tide, mumbled
sentiment. petals that don't unfold.

out amongst the reflections of mid-
afternoon, i sit and will likely
keep waiting for something that
never comes, on the off-chance
that you'll come
home.
771 · Mar 2014
at scales
Tom McCone Mar 2014
Upon a web strung across vast fields of
pure and distant velvet nothing,
perfect back-traces of the flickering past
revolve in place, in silence,
signs puddled for an instant from abandoned
corners of clusters. Polaris sieves a movement,
severs Octantis in a slated blink of being as quiet
reaches from further clutches, as a light quivers against
the dark, enshrined in its own solace, drinking from
a garden of heaviness; a sigh slips, echoes and lingers.

A tidy emptiness wavers in the tide of
time-shifting constellations, pulses lost in the single
night that never stems. A fine dust propagates
under the breath-patterns of its own constituency.
No symbol spoken, the still moment reaches and
encompasses all, heaving in glass moments compressing
beneath layers, bathed ablaze and curling through its
own precessing maw. Gathering, spiralling pieces of
uncoalesced millenia hurtle against an again hurtling
arm of a freckle gathered on a point of dust drifting
between caverns diving through the weight of walls holding
all that support their standing. A drop of light quivers
from each mouth, hides in crevices where smaller droplets
stand firmer at each junction, stand shining quietly with
no motive, dials slipping. The dripping lays down sheets,
climbs no corridor, designs a movement of no consequence;
dries out, knowing full well all the while. A ghost remains,
or a breath, both ultimately of finite import:
an exhalation or mote of dust.

Rain won't fall, the creek remains and, in tumult etched of
rigid symmetries, forges splits in azure. A broken fullness,
a glimmering product to permute and dissipate repetitions,
the slow formation of a complete emptiness.
In fine tapestry woven through the murk bellowed, the pattern
twists, coiling fingers through itself, the coalescing rotations
play out silence in no coda. The creek was never there.
Rain makes its way.                                                                  
                                       Capsular soil gives, capitulates petrichor,
defies dust aridity to cling in soft bundles about the child,
clothed in broken wings, tail clambering, all fine splits decided
upon countless repetitions passed. Light hovers and lights stand,
spin, in turn, as intervals chew tails through no static
motif, each gesture a mockery of predecessing broken ground
as fingers sliver ever toward known constancy,
blankets of warmth, an unclosing eyelid. Thus shuffles
awake the clamberer, to stretch and arc against potentials,
to fluoresce and bathe in radiance. A greater scheme
mingles at the tips of outstretched arms carrying wings
to break and flesh to guide a canopied architecture into
clearings laid out below twinkling webs to fold through
and let breath be taken as pawprints slowly form the
fingertips of a new architect. The children of the
child watch silent as motion trickles from centuries'
fortune. An emblem hangs in soft light on a ripple over
all-but-still water, cohort as glittering fragments strewn
beside. A bird's cry is lost in the marsh.                        
                                                      Again,
moments of absolute movement lay out beds of stillness, of reprieve.

At sea level, the curling faultlines feed open plain from
glass tears and monuments fleck the landscape of horizon.
To a pivoting sequence carves tiny bound structures in
self-image, a boiled-down replication to forge immemorial
traverse, a hairline fracture led blind through lakes of ice.
Still, to carry forward in a display of conviction, fine
splitting lineage diverges and cross-pollinates. First a
step, then a meadow, a panorama, three scores of
underbrush, seven mountains cradling a single pass,
two endless expanses of peat, one river for the life
of a child, three nights of no sleep, a resolve,
six iterations, one modification, seventeen snowfalls,
one feat built slow to grandeur, three months at sea,
three years at sea, three thousand years, seven oceans,
four hundred billion innovations, a blink of an eye. From
closed wings rise ordered patterns to clamber, always
asleep, to punctuate that immutable grove of light now
organized in transient gleams of projection and
nomenclative claim. Hollowed bellies of these
unstirring colossi, in turn, self-assemble and
writhe against an upturned gradient: disorder
bares teeth, crafts homogeneity and stumbles
on as Polaris dutifully continues in slow march
and reclaim of a ghost still cycling and hiding.

Finally, the moment takes grasp of all else
and itself, and parts tides of now-distant lights
through the ceiling and collapses where, between
word-laden walls, a tiny and terrified piece of
it attempts to reveal to all else that the moment
is already
gone.
written for a reading; never read anyway.
11-12/03/14
769 · May 2013
when you're sad
Tom McCone May 2013
weather splinters in
      to fragments, repeating, like
          dense recollections of
what's already
    happened,
                 and
change dissolves indefinitely,
                      into all
streambeds, like        calcium
cycles              backwards out
               of my diet
these days and lately
         of course, being I, the mess,
am not
or ever
                     doing anything to fix this,
                                     and it's
               not like I don't need the
                sustenance, like
                                            all
warm               confusions
              you so graciously
                      endow upon my
                                    life.
768 · Aug 2013
dreaming/walking
Tom McCone Aug 2013
in how many ways can
the same thing be said?: when
your eyes first met mine, all
stars in all skies skipped but a
single heartbeat. inside my
own, winter called it quits and
frozen garden water crept in
tiny rivulets out from
solidified arteries. and i,
collecting all misplaced
palpitations like specks of
blue from an afternoon,
unfolding, watched the sun
set on an endless standstill to
let just one night trickle
through. one chorus of stars
was all it took. one million
lifetimes. a million millions,
intertwined.
                     all pages in all
universes could not even hold
the first word of my essay
upon the ways one heartbeat,
one simple glance, could
move each celestial body two
inches to the right, save you
and i.
Tom McCone Feb 2013
in a dream she said
in blurred electricity:

'well
I have my weapons, too
my naked body
writhing and resplendent
and complete

someday I will snare you
and tear you right apart
you are nothing
and everything to me

you will be mine'
759 · Jul 2015
clatter
Tom McCone Jul 2015
breath, turned out upon a
closed little world, can
dance and maybe some
thing i've known forever is
dawning
and/or has dawned, upon
my churning little world:

left in dust, sleeping for
a majority of the season,
some
days little more than
manifestation of the
meaninglessness of
life. monolithic guilt.
ever-full of empty.

but, others, i see you
in everything, dripping from
facets (have i said this before?
is this nothing new? i hope so),
see your eyes in strangers, not
so bright, but looming, still;
heave breath and smile and
know, somehow, we've been
tied together in this mess, and
that maybe life isn't devoid
of reason, or that it may still
be, and it doesn't matter.
won't you step into the light, that i could make you out
758 · Sep 2013
everything else
Tom McCone Sep 2013
i sit in a back-row seat view and
build up neat rows of cells
to sit, blurry-eyed, and watch
regular coils, wreathes,
noting degeneracies in the
way anyone whispers
1.12am secrets; in my sense
of pre-packaged sanctity:
no matters could be more
unimportant than these i keep
in ever-revolving displays,
to pluck out whilst heading
somewhere or anywhere -back home, i guess,
where else do i go?-

and anticipation wouldn't so
much as slightly glance a
warning, again whispering:

"you'll never get any better than this.
you'll never get any lower than
this afternoon the moon will suspend
itself in the sea and
you won't even care enough to watch."

further out, i am
ankle deep and
my eyes are stuck shut.
758 · Nov 2013
Who am I, in the water?
Tom McCone Nov 2013
we should glow together
we should form of a ball of flame we call home
a person is always living in the leaves
a jewel on the seacliff

I dreamt I feel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8b-pj0z4c4
754 · Sep 2013
expenditure
Tom McCone Sep 2013
it'll settle down before long.
in the left half-plane our
distorted polarities glisten and,
naturally,
all mechanisms leak:
the house gets colder,
the radio becomes static,
we
consistently feel different.

how'd daylight get so aphasic?
where were we when words
struck gold, moved out,
found a better life?

and all the while
the transfer function of our insides
slunk so out of sync;
i guess i'm kind of sorry.
'cause
the last transient to fade
would be you,
but,
you know
how unsigned possibilities,
cupped in our palms,
seep out, like

i leave the windows open
all night long.
i've been paying too much attention. don't say i said so, i don't know.
749 · Jan 2013
ambergris
Tom McCone Jan 2013
people watch themselves, eye to eye, in the mirror
so ******* afraid, if they turn away,
that they will put the knife down their own spine:
‘it is your fault my heart is dying’
they would say,
‘it is all your fault I am so alone’

so, everyone neglects their profile,
their victorian shade decays,
so, all humans now are, in silhouette,
as hideous as their engorged sense of vanity.
such is the nature of our society, narcissique.

but you, damp heart,
where the rain falls and makes
sweet sap, under that arterial lacework,
your side, lit by heaving sun,
took all that beauty and bound it
under and over your skin,
cheek palette like slow fire,
eyelashes like aching needles,

you keep stealing,
in all those moments between,
stealing me.
744 · Oct 2013
house hold
Tom McCone Oct 2013
if you'd chosen to wake up the
sun might shine or you
might curl up, ball of flesh, and
watch tree leaves sway,
break,
fall in steady inconsistencies,
like you fall
all eyelids, at least
all fluttering, beating moments
displacing air to thousandth degrees,
pretending not to care or
to have wished to have been
able to,
you
smile, it is empty,
like the sounds of a shoreline,
or the dripping tap
in a laundry or
miscellaneous room.

you sit down
and cry,
quiet as the tap.
it is heard for miles.
down and down and down and
out.
743 · Apr 2013
flightless me
Tom McCone Apr 2013
The star exists.

The rain exists
to fall.

The tree exists
to breathe
and fall.

The bird exists
to breathe,
and sing amongst the trees,
and fall.

The beast exists
to breathe,
and sing amongst the trees;
to wander,
and fall.

The human exists
to breathe,
and sing amongst the trees;
to wander,
and whisper, under starlight,
to love,
in despair;
and, finally,
as all else does,
to fall.
733 · Feb 2014
icing/lining
Tom McCone Feb 2014
unsurely, we could have
slept, still: all made
small slitted movements,
all ablaze
in serenade for
something like
life, hanging sterile, like
presheaved diamond litter,
across broken lines
through the dark.

we breathe.
we trek out motions,
taking step in each other's
shadow.

and i, caught, dividing
through the time either of us still
could sleep. well, i
can't sleep. i can't
wait it out. i can't
do this. didn't
you say how i'd
lie? well, sugar,
i can't lie.
at least not tonight.
733 · Apr 2014
missing
Tom McCone Apr 2014
at day's length, arc of my spine or
hallucination i twist into desperation. divide.
falling into slow symphonies, movements, i
regain breath just a moment to gasp some regret. to think what happened or happens. willing, nothingness and me, we
touch lips and contract. an ocean if we could tear apart. some space, some time to time fulfilment could write arrears: the pain
was (is) all worth it.

yet, i'm still feeling worthless.
724 · Aug 2013
say what you mean
Tom McCone Aug 2013
you give me butterflies
butterflies made of antifreeze
butterflies made of fish hooks
    i don't like you
       i don't like you
    i need to throw up
  i think i love you
but i really just don't like you
    because you twist my arm
           with heavy wrenches
    but never break the skin
    and i have
      a thing for blood
     i guess
           'cause
i'm too ******* lazy to
      throw myself off a bridge
   in front of a train
           on fire with smoke signal
            "*******"s trailing behind me
but who cares
who cares, really?
           love is all fish hooks
       in the eyes of the devil so
         i'll save
              the last waltz in hell
                           for you, honey.
723 · Apr 2013
two years late
Tom McCone Apr 2013
meticulously placed traps
line the sidewalks and the
kitchen floors,
like tar,
coating the layer of sentiments
I probably feel,
and should probably say,
but, oh, how plain simplicity
in affairs
eludes my existence

as I see, out through
the window, to a pile of
dismembered and decaying twigs,
leaves, golden death like
the petals circling my aortae,
that once grew fondly
in presence of
possibilities and opportunities;
to the extent that god only knows (except for you)
how impossibly awful I am,
when it comes to
making the most rudimentary
decisions

only figuring out what I
want, when the options have
dried up
and the puddles
from the storm have
dried out

snared right down into
the hollow grimace of
all these **** traps I keep
throwing down
for my own cruel self.
723 · Dec 2012
vera
Tom McCone Dec 2012
good night, blind moon
the end teases out mindless strands
diamonds, or curved kites of dawn
water traps, interlocked, broken into pieces
taking each subsequent quarter, held in strangled steps
the gratuities of a hard night's work
paid out in loss' colour scheme
good night, blind moon
721 · Jul 2013
1935 {i}
Tom McCone Jul 2013
we
hung up our mutual fascinations
at the door, on coat rack hooks,
tarnished like the afternoon was
slowly pouring into.

speaking in short sips from *****
mugs, i realized i couldn't even
figure out how to like you, when i
thought i had loved you so dearly.

the story goes:
i bought your love, commercial
and diffuse. i bought your love top
shelf in ****** bars. i bought your
love at k-mart. the fluorescent
promise on the display case
cupped small hands around my
face, covering my faltered eyes,
and fed me to you on ornate
teaspoons like quartered
mandarins.

no.
i can't do this. i can't do this to you,
to me, to this grand ******* world;
this ugly spectacle of ceaseless
movement around us. i can't let
you be a mistake. i've collected too
many. you'll be lost. you are lost.
you're lost. you're lost.

now, i only remember you when
i'm trying not to.

my heart is a river, and you were a
chemical spill,
were every fish,
every streambed,
you were every fleck of shale,
every mote of dust,
the cumulative gravity of
all galaxies in one instant.


and what, now?
you're just gone,
and
i'm just breathing.
721 · Sep 2015
cold arc
Tom McCone Sep 2015
solemn was the cratered gleam,
pointing through engorged blossoms
out in the front yard. the thing,
itself, was gnashed by teeth in
reddened cloak. a crown of
empty glow. slowly,
the sky percolated out, through
my thoughts and dreams; places
left over, broken glass strewn
in my head and gut. lone
hand stirring in the clean light.
hypnotic path, yet i stray.
so strange, so strange.

so, i
set meaning on wind.
yet, yielding no answer,
dark pinnacles hide you,
watching back over all of
this expanse.

my heart is no small cavern:
no amount of howling will
change its flows or ebbs,
hollow knocks, or nestings.
your fields are immense, oh
brighter light, and deform smooth,
in all fine transience, leaving
dusty trails in the corners
of the buried systems
of my mind.

and the wealth of the world was
no more than specks upon the mantle,
in our eyes. we sat above it all,
counting out time on
fingers and toes,
stone, and
shadow
[to the tune of: https://slaapwel.bandcamp.com/album/ruis]
Tom McCone Apr 2013
you spun silk across the skyline as the frail sun
spilt, onto the far-eastern seaboard, while those
consistent clicks fell resound and washed away
down the drain behind the blanket ran to pitch
as the clamourous small hours from city centre
disband the overcast to stillnesses and grandeur
of emptied haloes, trickling with dust, so i open
my muddied lungs and laugh; for now i know i
have kept fallin' anew all along, if i think i think
i will be alright will i make it through this night?
will it be any better, in the dawn's soft light? i'm
not
                  afraid
                                             anymore,
                                                                    though.
we were star-crossed, but for one single moment:
the sky tore wide, and all inside of your ribs, the
constellations swum where once i'd only found
doubt, inside your eyes the lights played
out melodies in time, as
dawn opened up
beneath
us.
this was meant to be my kinda-take on ellen menzies' "*this is darkness, but this is love.*" (http://hellopoetry.com/poem/this-is-darkness-but-this-is-love/), mainly for the obvious line and 'cause it's such a grand piece. uhm, yeah. idk. enjoy.
719 · Jul 2014
0.47
Tom McCone Jul 2014
i was never the origin of
your misery. too busy with
my own; but i'll hold you
when days find their way
down to cold. i'll issue soft
brushes against your skin
if you want reassurance, or
warmth, or just to not feel
so alone nights like tonight. at least, you
ain't alone in that. and i
could keep spilling the same
sentences for fifty long years
now, but i'm not entirely sure
i can make it. without you,
at least.
                so, here is where i'd
typically say "but, of course, you'd
never care. never come round.", but
i'm clasping small hope. rings
around the moon. i'm dizzy,
just thinking.
unedited as of yet. also, sigh.
Tom McCone May 2015
(i couldn't say more than enough, or
much at all. i am uncertain but
only ever-so-slightly and, overarching
paradigm, i'm happier than ever, even
if i'm still sad.
) we play
party to endless routines. bite our
own tails with startling frequency.
shudder or spark. most often both,
but most often meaning little, for
meaning is intrinsic, only where you
implant it. in patient hunt for
our exterior products, we numbered
blades, outside; hovering above and
without fields. writing the same
light motifs as always. nothing looks
like stars except stars, or sand, or
freckles in your eyes. everything
shines a little dimmer. something
about the way our hands brush
through stems. directed motions.
observable quantities. sentences
underpinning lifetimes. how does
one figure their actions or inaction
as anything but universal? how
does one decompose their patterns,
already found irreducible? from
either side, movements are local.
we reside in pure neighbourhoods.
all existence outside is asleep.
the hallways contract. water runs
from & over our skin.
                                       shivered

and, as basis,
                        discovered this
world is just as dizzy. just in
new increments. not eating for days
sends you sick. eating for days
does likewise. broken down or
breaking down, we idle and
sleep and sometimes hope for
coalescence (or, at least, as far
as i can find). but, meadows, too,
still sleep, forests still sleep. all
alive is this room, or shadow,
or minute discharge radius. so, if
you aren't here or closer, how can
anything matter? asleep & passing
through city-light. tender ghost.
sweet summary. some days, even
i am discontinuous, but only for
passing swathes. field underfoot
& distance now mean little more
than nothing, and little less than
everything. and, as dual, i
could hardly forget. scale &
continue in each second. it is
cold & getting colder, and i've
figured out how to miss you,
                          already.
circadian rhythm. 20/05
707 · May 2014
what is this sad
Tom McCone May 2014
this: when your stomach
                                     hurts,
and you can't remember why you were ever happy and
           nothing is really even important,
                           especially yourself;
and you just sleep because you can't cope
                                                 and the sky is so beautiful,
but you can't feel sun dripping on your skin,
         and your bones are numb with electricity,
                             but it's just rubber,
               and you can't do anything,
ANYTHING.
           anything, because you're you and nobody else can be you,
       and the world is there to look at, so full of pretty things,
but, why look?

and it doesn't matter if there's somebody or nobody
                                                                or everybody, by your side,
because it's just this permanent moment
                           when the sharpness in your body is a droplet:
           it hits the ground and wrenches itself into shapes,
         patterns that coalesce,
      you are enraptured, the sight is burning
    into your retinas the emptiness that is
being.
   the glacier that is your soul tills white light and branches out,
      this creature that is cold and full,
               folly with soft ears and sharp teeth.

                             *****
                 patches of grass
         the birds are landing in your branches now
       congregational hazards
     social anxiety
       disillusioned, giving in
  but you don't mind the rest, there's only:
-you're on earth, and
-she's a star, and

stellar beings never come closer.

not for a moment.
they enjoy all views, from afar;
             witness your retching in a
          sad spectrum slideshow
       the bile spills out, tumbling
       across the sidewalk made
     out of her tied veins
   she is no god
we are free
   be empty
listlessly dragging stones
be empty
an inverted description. original [http://hellopoetry.com/poem/698958/what-is-this-happy/] by the perfectly lovely careful creature.
704 · Dec 2012
counting the draws
Tom McCone Dec 2012
days pass like other days, just
lullabies in single,
you, and me, and the end of everything:
how we had found thoughts, like life, unraveling,
in that pristine and angular field,
locked up- brilliant, crystalline, and in voices shaded pale cherry,
some statement of ephemeral lust, no doubt;
we've always been fools,
holding ideals, far too grand
for the size of our routine worries

and, now,
the clock's still claiming moments,
the faucet hasn't lost it's gauze, yet,
the radio's crackling paper moons, in sevenths,
and, me,
recalling a patchwork sentiment and, then, little charming you, you, you, you, you...

made up of scattered electricity, you always leave me lost and drowning;
drowning, drowning, drowning, and
watching those soft-changing colours, through the drifting canopy as
brine-soaked seafloors meander, take place, and
me, falling,
dreaming in shades of slow loss.

so, good night to all the lovers,
all the shimmering faces;
to all the lights of the cities,
all the pleading droplets of rain,
all the shortwave signals, furrowing their ways up north,
to all the heavyset expressions, long led goodbyes,
all the sorrows, left a mess for so many years.
good night, that is all,
good night.
703 · Jan 2014
red
Tom McCone Jan 2014
red
i let light trickle down:
thoughts of a life i
could stand to
be less weary,
to
have some sweet smile,
in the doorway,
or on all sidewalks,
or between the sheets.

some sweet something,
like you.

finally, grasping an idea,
a want;
your gravity
coalesces, in small bundles about me.
i am inevitably drawn,
in tightening circles,
to the thought
of my mounting resolve to
give you
all of the world,
the skin of my lips,
point eight litres of oxygen,
all stars, all nights.

and, so,
i tie strings to your fingers,
in dreams.

i bide these two weeks,
in hope.
694 · Mar 2016
tending
Tom McCone Mar 2016
it is such a fine thing, to see with clear eyes
all the shine of the world, refracting through both & either you and/or i.
such a surprise, so strange, but by no means the kinda strange
that drags one down:
the strange that instills an un-learnable knowledge
that the world will turn, and things can just keep getting better.
plenty of days i've dug holes,
but, now, at your word, i'm scrambling up outta them
to find acres of turned soil, fertile and beaming;
seeds to scatter wild.
cool water to trickle calm through each new day's turn,
another page in the book,
where our chapters come to coalesce.

how sweet it is to find you in page-length,
before long in pirouettes,
and leave me wondering not
the uncertainty,
but only the majesty
of what's left to come in the world,

and you, lil petal,
and i, lil fern.
692 · Dec 2012
second-place ribbon
Tom McCone Dec 2012
I would try and keep this facade alive
"Stay, please, I have no reason but, stay.."
I'd murmur.
Not aloud, though.
I'd say, under my breath:
"the sorrows that find their way into my bed,
have become too much,
and I suffer withdraw'l matched not even by death's hand itself,
that silver fog is a sun-bathed mid-afternoon portrait,
in comparison."
he sighs
~
but,
letting go,
every ****** time,
my ******* limp wrists,
have not an ounce of containment facility,
and I'd just keep lying to myself, in cold white bedsheets,
whispering:
"I'm alright."
"I'm fine."
685 · Jan 2016
wonder
Tom McCone Jan 2016
parts of me wound up real nice n tight, like
knots on the corners, some made-out mend;
you'd said
just enough to infer what had really happened,
as the days tousled past
in a blue haze.

and i wonder what had gone wrong, as
all of the possibilities writhe, in my own hands
(finer slice, never seen),
and drive me sick beyond any mineshaft
running down on through circles
of hell in my stomach:
little hot red streaks of
dulled-away panic, drizzling across my chest.
little sad indents, calloused bent-away
everyday musings: songs i won't
ever let ring.

couldn't hold it against you, though,
or hold anything at all. this isn't my game. not now.
terminally unsure, move or play to unmake.

or just wake up, another morning, dreamless and dry.

you were a shimmering blinding point in the
schemes of a brass-gleaming, **** ugly world. could
have sworn salvation was strikes of seconds on your
wrist-watch. could've felt beautiful under your gaze,
'nother moment. but beautiful me, in a clause you
spelled out
with eye-beats and the gnashing of calm,
was just rearrangement of belief. the world's so pretty, yeah,
you wouldn't believe. well, i couldn't see.

and finally i, truly, am shown **** ugly
me: the burning safety blanket,
the unwinding net, the snowblinding fisherman,
out on the lake.
sometimes just feel real alone.
679 · May 2015
text to luke
Tom McCone May 2015
i was awake, in the dark,
floating over leaves, as the rain
began. or, at least i wished i
were. instead, i was fumbling under
orange light, dark
patches slowly adorning the
asphalt passing below. i was
free, but only within the
confines of a cage i'd crafted
for myself, as long ago as
organic advent, and as soon as
perpetual. stuck in a reverie,
further down the coastline, i
discovered i could no longer
feel. awake and distanced, i felt
the claws within
                             my ribcage
instead simply pass through,
and couldn't decide if
i'd been cheated, or stumbled
onto the trail of fretless
existence. thus arose my worry,
and, all fears confirmed, is set
out to find something that dug
in. hurt or elate or panic or
wonder hid, behind the curtains
of cold swathing me, though.

       the sky is just a sky.

                                     nothing
builds up, just spreads at my
feet. grass is just a series of
fibre and proteins. a long wait is
just a clock's hands.

down some road, the days
while away in the same or
different places. i am
predominantly the same,
indifferent.
plain divisor, i
678 · Aug 2014
split stem
Tom McCone Aug 2014
off along the wall, head
in clouds: dissemblance, smoothed,
covered, glistening. repetitions
in static, falling rain. repetitions
outside, under the porch. light
like waves in consistent motion
and removal. too many
names. too much love. swollen
up, like knotted deck timber
in this downpour. still and left
to walk home. alone, again.
happens all the time,
by choice; fine delusion. by
flames licking at the cusp. out
under the irreplaceable canopy
we're left, slowly rotating. soft
magnetic fields. candles encased
in ice. clear night. words tip in
enclosures of crisp unfolding
breath. significance. diffusion.
harmonicity. my analytic heart.
decomposition. won't sleep. won't
let out. your tender clasp. vines
wash up and around finger
tips, around ventricles. shuttin' down,
relentless deceleration. relenting
pace. pinched aorta. all under
some fictitious caress. some
later eventuality. some song
never uttered. not yet.
not just yet.
674 · Feb 2013
ἀπορɛία
Tom McCone Feb 2013
Humanity, the island
I swum round, circles made eventual stone,
'til I'd learnt that I'd learnt nothing,
-know nothing-;
for all the purported wisdom,
accumulated with such great care,
I was none wiser than
the first breath I had taken,
adorned with the sterility of hospital pine- or lemon-scented antiseptic.

I know the world, now,
I know the hair on disappearing creature's skin,
I know the strands of broken bamboo,
I know the endless breaking, upon the shorelines,
I know the words of lovers,
dead and alive,
the words of enemies,
and of those impassive.

I've known the grand vastness of the empty above,
the crawling complexity of the unceasing below,
the burnt haze of day,
the dead silences of night,
the spaces between lips,
the lonesome tied in white sheets,
the rending denial of mind,
the sardonic acceptance of heart,
the weight of life,
the light of whatever comes after.

Yet, still,
I know nothing.
673 · Jan 2015
hanging above (departure)
Tom McCone Jan 2015
cut lungs to roll out this:
darkened carpet, shades of
used-up dreams, quiet
& trembling footsteps down
the hall. soon, i'd be little
more than crumbs strewn
under the couch, some
ash on the bench, dampened
echo of laughter; where, once,
some dull effort, in all
sincerity, tied senses to
all ornaments in the
living-room.

where has this life drained away to?
all i now find is discarded sentiment,
static tones,
a dull ache that never recedes.

down by the river, in the thickets
of blackberry that overrun quick
pace along the trail,
here, we find our sardonic last
parting. here, once cherished
was the hue of your cheek by
later light, hearts blending seamlessly
into the bark. eyes upon glowing
horizon.

for one second, i rest here, still:
watch the water. let run my
own poison in the wash. let
skin mesh with algae. bones
bend into rock. fingertips as
willows on the bank.

slow breath, as an escaping gust,
as much as it hurts to know.
669 · Apr 2013
00:39
Tom McCone Apr 2013
sometimes I feel like all that's
left of me is a lingering headache,
like all I am is short periods of
consciousness punctured by long lots of
sleep,
floating static below the ice
whilst everyone else ambles on,
above.

sometimes I feel like I've never
even touched the air.

like I'm just pretending to
breathe.
handwritten: http://25.media.tumblr.com/65fca7594b6a5a9c2fec4fda0520c63e/tumblr_mlof0yPerS1r1qhb5o1_500.jpg
668 · May 2014
30.5
Tom McCone May 2014
lights precesses against smoothing-out
concrete, dawns like these. red runs
down and out my twitching strings,
puddles on the brickwork gathering
about every footstep. trying to make
myself a little more like you. a little
further away. a little less dizzy.
a small crown of wilted lilies.
woke up feelin' somethin' similar, taking
a collection of successive moments
erasing all wishes my lips could ever
graze pastures you stitch between
snowmelt watercolour blinks and the
sugar in your navel and (well, you
get the idea). glacially, i converge to
some semblance of divergence. stop
wishing a second to next. what good
are wishes? what good am i to you,
at least yet? with heavy linen, i'll
mend. i hope you see me, beautiful
as dawn, wide-eyed, mauled by
no icicle; and increasingly lament what
you could
have had, honey
(not knowing you still
can)
667 · Jan 2014
bite
Tom McCone Jan 2014
a small settle
away; a
message that things are back to normal.
even happily
given time,
the kitten may be so by
itself, may need its paw held,
some cat's
companionship.

remember, we live the
values of one
another- different people, those who
are
used; a quiet life may be left
on loudly.

and,
lonely for you, on holiday or in hospital, would
you prefer nothing?

it's just: I'm afraid and will
need a lot of loving, another animal,
time,

after
you.
burnt pieces
666 · Feb 2016
delta-mana
Tom McCone Feb 2016
you were set as stars in a night,
relentless, tangled, act of own
will. i was a juxtaposition
   of fear & current,
     a different
       only slight
           but
       enough to
     wash out
   what i
lacked
sight to see.
it was ridges extending out eternal
we were only possible & not more
but knowledge imparts little
& what i know now does not
save my lost soul then. it
has all fallen oh what am i
to do?

-

lost dawn on the incoming front &
saw its orange-bitter glow fall under
the cloudbank. & wondered what next
i'd lose, besides sleep, chance, and
sanctity of mind. i had my ideas,
but no will or means to rectify.
(through foxton). someone walks into an
already-lit dairy. coughs in the centre,
driver ain't let go of the wheel;
last two toes to right gone real
sleep, maybe to make up for me.
gleams in the gutter, sky makes
new stars at day. i do not suspect
anything but my own victory &
demise. but in which order?

-

you were a long-run hedgerow enclosing
the horizon, day i first saw your
face. some times you wish moments had
a repeat or rewind facility, but that
case did. so i learnt the first few
words of your language & liked the
way it rolled off tongue. truth was, i got
pretty **** down within the other
corridors of my days. truth is, i was dust flung
off the land in a storm. i was
unsalvageable scrap. but i started
learning all scrap is useful, once you
figure it out. the dust was settling, the
rust was sloughing. & i met you.
and i found out who i'd like to
make of myself, finally. make it right.
maybe stay happy, for not only
myself, but to align with
the set of prime ideals i found in your
love of life. & i've a lot left to learn,
but, of course, i wanna learn it all.

-

found somethin' that felt right for the
first in a back-catalogue of long times. felt
like destiny, though it's not something i ever
believed in. and, even in this chaotic sea
of random windblown chance, i did find
something and felt as though you might
actually feel the same.
and it terrifies me that it may
be taken away before either of us get
a break. taken by tides in which either
of us has next-to-no say, and i'm afraid if
sometimes dreams are just that and life is
real and furthermore is destined (not that i
believe, but not every god-fearin' man is a
theist) to be painful.
'cause i don't want anyone to hurt, though
i know you're brave enough to stand it. is
it so selfish to crave a world in which
pain is only part & parcel of a bygone era?
where suffering is just a dictionary entry?
where i could hold your hand
just a short while?
sleepless thoughts from the eternal open stretches of a night bus
656 · Sep 2015
later days
Tom McCone Sep 2015
cold into the streets, i found
no salvation inside last night, as
usual: the stone walls were
slick, and, through the tunnel
pack, i turned to the comfort
and disgust of suppressed life,
and decided not to climb. 'it
would be a shame to break
my neck, here', i uttered, in
the haze, to myself. clusters
of meaningless wandering thought.

before, i knew avoidance, like all
gods were lookin' down through
the world, and i could only curl and
hide my fears by inaction and the
movement of my fingertips over
nylon threads. same sad songs i
won't stop singing. think i'm the
thing drags me down, i'm the
only thing that i can't rid myself of,
and consonance comes round more,
these days, but hardly
all of 'em.

so, i spread feet under new and old
known and unknown streetlamps,
stared up at the cloud cover,
screamed at the tatters of the moon
aside stranger's houses,
shedding care.
but, all, and you, will be asleep or awake,
wherever my care's gone, and
it doesn't seem to be
here.

this city drains out of
my open arms.
654 · Apr 2013
symphony for passing clouds
Tom McCone Apr 2013
slept* in,
                                                           again
                                     whilst the skies,                          patchwork and
                                                             ­        endlessly spinning
                                             amidst autumn air
                                                             ­                                                   with
         ­                                                                 ­              th
                                                ­                                     e moon,
                                                         ­                         the moo n,
                                                              ­                      the mo
                                                              ­                                   on,


                                                          h­
                                                         a
                                                          n
   ­                                                      g
                                                           i
                                                            n
 ­                                                              g
                                                        *  so
                                                    fragile* in
                                                 the         sky,                  a
                                         ­         sin     gle
                                                   drop of
                                                         ink
10 points if you get the title reference.
652 · Feb 2013
never, never, never
Tom McCone Feb 2013
We met in an airport opening of mouths
with broken teeth and shackled intentions
on the edge of the lights of a dead man's
legacy. The lights burned out, as, in
the back of a taxi cab northbound, we made
our hands into birds and let them fly out
into that devouring city where we'd last
slept and searched 53rd st. for a sign.
There was never one.

She spoke in rain and said she'd never see
me again after that night of close vulnerabilities
and rust trails. I said she was ******
wrong. She was right. I said I'd never stop
loving her, but I already had, for when you
know what's right "I'll miss you" and lips to a
forehead is the only goodbye you have in your
inventory.

Turning to wave, you were already a ghost, bled
into a crowd of ghosts, and I was gone.
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