To the emotionally estranged,
I’ve never known what was good for me All I’ve ever known was how to tie my shoes and binge eat captain crunch You place your finger tips all over my stomach Padding each piece of lymph Do you ever want to curl like those little pillbugs? It seems like I haven’t seen one of those since you watched me eat dirt, and grass, and I’ve perhaps tried a dandelion But I don’t think you knew I’ve tied your shoes before My big tooth fell out on the driveway We searched for a minute, maybe two I tasted blood in my mouth for the first time It was like the early smell of gasoline I appreciated it And I said so I walked down the steps and turned the corner Your eyes lit up to see the seven year old wearing tights, long socks, a dress underneath a sweater and a thrifted vest, as well as a lost fedora found in the attic I pulled down the decrepit stairs and you heard the whine of bothered steps yelling up the stairs “what are you doing” Feathered Fedora shall be lost again The school’s Saint Patricks leprechaun stole it Or so you say to avoid the bi polar of it all The hospital was a new thing for me You took me, I sat silent in the passenger seat We played the radio (we never played the radio) I didn’t know if I should’ve apologized or something for having premarital *** But I don’t think it would’ve bothered you too much You’d be glad a boy liked me! Well, he didn’t like me like that I don’t know why he chose me that *****, ****** night You bought me a sweater from Michaels afterwards, it said something like “I believe in unicorns and Santa” It was on sale since it was January I won’t let you hold me, and how it needles you Wake I sang at her wake An Adele original I did it for me And you But also me Everyone’s tears dried by the time we reached the restaurant I wonder how they fixed the smash in her head while eating eggplant parm Mortisions are magical Some crimes I’ll never forget Asked why I don’t talk to him or text or call or like We will sit in this diner and recline in the giant booth that’s too big for the fragility of your body You pray for me Stop praying for me I take up much time I don't have the right virtues for all that Don’t overindulge in god Track me home at two am Make sure I’m safe I’ll keep tying your shoes, at the graduation, at the barbeque, at the talent show anywhere I’d fly home to tie your shoes if you asked me to if you wanted me to if you'd let me-
With a sort of deteriorating eternal love,
Angel