There was a time I held it in

Sinking to the bottom of the dark abyss

Where ones thoughts take over rationality

Madness becomes your mentality

Never did I speak my mind

Not once did I complain when I was left behind

Then he came along and took me in

At the time I didn't recognize him as the Devils kin

Eventually his true self came to be shown

By that time I was too invested in the man that I had known

Sitting there day after day in silent agony

Eventually sanity turns into brutality

Sadness turns to anger and judgement is clouded

Blinded from what you once believed your sanity becomes shrouded

Bruises did cover my skin

Torturing myself by holding it in

Why couldn't I say what was on my mind

It's not like I was alone or didn't have time

I'm sure your thinking it was because I was afraid

You'd be wrong. My silence was all about self hate

Sure I hated him. But mostly I hated me

And as time went on I grew to hate everybody

Be a good girl put everything in its place

I'd smile and put on my false happy face

Then there came a night

Quiet and peaceful the stars were shinning bright

He came looking for me

Interrupting my first moment of peace

It was like time stood still when he raised his voice

Realization hit me that I have a choice

Something in me snapped when he raised his fist

My vision became clouded by a red mist

Taking the punishment I stayed silent like I'd been doing all my life

But this time when night fell I slipped into bed holding a knife

I couldn't bring myself to stop the deadly plunge even when the blood started to flow

For Blood is like sugar when revenge runs the show

Dripping from my fingertips on to the bed it left a mark of finality that put my madness at ease

My smile was genuine as I dialed the number to phone the police

What is your emergency the operator asked me

I replied I have killed the devil and now I am free

I was brought in with chains and put in the pen

When asked why I did this I would answer I held on the pain in

Now as I sit quietly on my cot in the joint

I smile as I recall my breaking point

nights are the worst
when the thoughts come in
from every angle
and i have no chance
of getting any sleep.

my problems become larger than life.
my past comes back to haunt me until i wish i was dead.
and i forget to breathe.

Why should I cry
He did this to himself

Am not sad
why should I be

It's a beautiful night
the weather is nice
and am enjoying my cigarette

All those years we were together
All those times you thrusted into me

You were always wanting more
Wanting anyone and everyone else

You stopped appreciating me

I was just there because I was

Attainable

Always attainable

And you felt like you owed me

Like somehow

Giving it to me every night

Would make up for the fact

That you couldn't stay faithful

Or that it would seem like you loved me

Like somehow being there

Would erase all the bad things

They didn't though

They still linger in my past

Where you now reside

And I'm not going back.