I impaled a jelly baby with a cable tie
if karma has its way that will be how I die
something mundane and completely stupid
like drowning in a shallow puddle
or skewered by an arrow from cupid
don't worry though I won't put up a struggle
I will slip quietly to the great beyond
then you will have a reason not to reply
there's no cause to repair a broken bond
when I'm living the high life in the sky
I probably won't be wearing a halo
on account of my foolish pride
but I will still attempt to say hello
greetings to you from the other side
so if you notice your books are falling
as if taken by a sudden gust of wind
it will just be this idiot calling
trying to contact a long lost friend.

I've not developed the negatives
so that I can see the positives
still wet behind the ears
trapped within my fears
as I sit here in the dark
trying to leave a mark
to be remembered for something good
instead of just being misunderstood
so let me try to explain
why I focus on the pain
see its not by choice
that I listen to the voice
the chorus of doubt
there's no way out
there's no way out
a zoo of words
arriving in herds
the stampede of sentences
I guess that's what my sentence is
inside this brain cell
my bottomless well
a lifetime guarantee
of poetry.

I realise you no longer feel the same
in the things you say and do
and even though I know why
I still feel the pain
because my feelings are true
I just hold onto the hope that yours are too
that they are just buried
yet that doesn't stop me being worried
that I'm chasing an impossible dream
but if I don't hope
if I don't dream
then we become a memory
a faded picture of how we used to be.

I know you think I hold onto things
that I should just let them go
but some things are too special to just throw
some things you have to fight for
the way they were before
to keep open that door
to let you know you will always remain a part
of that thing they call the heart.

It makes me sad that you don't want to speak to me all the time
that you don't feel the need to ask if I'm doing fine
I guess we've always thought of things differently
which is why I now have so much difficulty
to accept the way things are
to let go of the past
that you don't want me as your own
that you're happy to just let me go
when I will do anything to fight for us
until my brain turns into mush
just to figure out a solution
instead I just seem to be a nuisance
a burden on your soul
because all I want is you.....

You will always be the first and last
person I think of every day
that even though I may not always those words say
I still feel it
I still want it
as its worth every iota of pain
just to hear you say my name
once more
like before
again.

Twisting and turning
listening and learning
trying to achieve
lying as we weave
always out of grasp
so we ask
seek and you shall find
through the eyes of the blind
an immense treasure
but do you have the measure?
can you compete?
with a humble heart
when yours is so full of greed
it's what you want not what you need
this everlasting peace
a silence of words
so now you're deaf and blind
not even the words can be signed
so you're forced to listen
to what's within
a slow beating
a steady rhythm
don't give in
DON'T GIVE IN

There's no reason for suicide
just **** the mind
end of ego
what you seek you will sow
so let go
IT'S OK
just lay
you're safe here
by yourself
be yourself
don't beat yourself
IT'S OKAY
there's no why or how
just STOP!
*right now

You're just a hood cat
living on the street
shacked up with a ***** rat
but always lands on her feet.

You arch your back and extend your claws
when you see him with his filthy ******
somehow he's got you on a tight leash
despite his roaming and quick release.

You still have nine lives
but none involve me
you visited all the dives
as far as the eye can see.

Under your constant spell and bewitched
as you purr content and whiskers twitched
always bringing you saucers of cream
days spent cat napping, watching you dream.

Don't answer when called
never listen or schooled
no time for interaction
or love and satisfaction.

Easily led but not easy to follow
the words you said now seem so hollow
and yet my door is always open
to take you in when you are broken.

My face is just a mask
if you want to find out the real me just ask
for I am an open book
once you enter you will be hooked
a page turner
as everything I write is to teach
so you can be my learner
and your ears I may reach.

From my mistakes
the truth I do take
and compile into verse
for this is my curse
a conduit of truth
a study in how to loose
everything and everyone
I have ever loved beneath the sun.

My walls of confidence have been breached
but at least too my heart was reached
for I can say I've loved and lived
every thought and feeling I now give
so you can read
but not heed
the life that I now live.