This poem was written to help others
for all my fellow sufferers
remember that in the darkest gloom
set inside your four walled room
will only last mere moments
it will all be over soon.

Remember all the good times
and why you are alive
this is what I have to do
just to survive.

What doesn't **** you makes you stronger
to live your life a little longer
as you grow older you also grow fonder
of this soul you were born under.

Now as the pain subsides
and the cloud slowly edges away
I think to myself I'm glad
I lived to see another day.

You don't give too much away
but that's ok
as I read between the lines
of what you do and do not say
slowly learning your ways
you tell me more in your silence
your pauses are like diamonds.

I remember every word you never said
every thought I ever had
every measured sigh
every repeated question without reply
I don't ask to receive
they mask what I need
my real quest is to achieve
a wordless answer
as your silence is golden.

The worthless cancer
a predatory disease
I know how much you fight
and yet never loose sight
of what's true and right
you simply amaze me
that even though I'm not with you
you're all that I can see
a vision of beauty
your pixie like smile
that nothing can defile
to your pixelated skin
viewed on a screen
with more beauty laid within.

Where as I feel the need to verbalise every thought
that enters my head
even the ones that make me look bad
reveal every feeling
so I'm completely honest in my dealing
OK, maybe not everything
I wouldn't want to scare you
with the thoughts that I think
I filter out my anxieties and only tell what is true
a direct link from my heart straight through
my racing thoughts are not what's important
its my pacing heart shaped *****
to which I have given you the keys
an instrument that you play
as you're a musician with such ease
with the words you do not say.

I took a trip to the edge of the Earth
where nobody else exists
it's as if the world just gave birth
to a man with a single wish
see I already used up two
on finding love and then you
so where do I go from here?
-- now I've reached the end
is there really a way past fear?
-- or should I just pretend
to live a life that's normal
as normal as life can be
I've already tried to warn you
not to follow me
I'm no teacher or prophet
I'm just a man with a single wish
as I've already lost it
already discarded my list
scattered all my dreams
so maybe I should be content
without all the dreaming
to know that I never meant
to hurt another being.

As I sit upon the edge
and look into the abyss
I will make a pledge
to not waste this last wish
so let me sail into the stars
in this one man boat
who knows how far
I only wish I brought a coat.

Scratch at my skin
bite upon my lip
feed off my sin
take a little sip.

Let me lust after
allow me to hate
feel my hunger
make me wait.

Guide my hands
across your body
your name you brand
I'm yours, use me.

Awaken my demons
ride the horseman
stir up my feelings
all just for fun.

Invade my soul
steal my innocence
tell me it's my fault
then let me repent.

Use me as a target
aim for my core
I've already marked it
not hard for you to score.

Take your scissors
cut into my heart
use precision
see what you can craft.

Slice me open
see how I bleed
leave me broken
watch me grieve.

Make me believe in
your honesty and trust
everything deceiving
everything is lost.

Poke me in the eye
stab me in the heart
tell me you will die
tear my world apart.

Take away my hope
sell all my dreams
in tears I soak
for you my fiend.

Age is just a number
to keep track of the lines on ones face
it has nothing to do with our character
or social grace.
What truly defines us
is our life experiences;
birth and death
ill health and stress
marriage and divorce
love and *******.

Our age doesn't equate to intelligence or wisdom
its just a stage of the skin that we've lived in
just because we were born on a certain day
doesn't mean we have to act a certain way
in fact the only thing with certainty
is that we're all unique
like snowflakes
what truth we seek
and path we take.

No need to rely on horoscopes
or what's written in the stars
they're just a joke
like tarot cards
our life is our own making
opportunities are there for the taking
so no matter what, never give in.

As light dwindles into thin air
night brings with it only despair
the weight of life came crashing down
answers which I haven’t found
yet crazy thoughts still surround
life has again withdrawn its spark
all its left me is the dark
no one can hear my silent cries
hidden behind smiles and lies.

Please help me from this black hole
help me save my mortal soul
my thoughts are filled with confusion
such emptiness and delusion
rescue me from this pit of depression
relieve me from my fatal obsession.

Now as I wait in the hall
it stands behind me eight foot tall
a nameless shadow on the wall
death beckons me and whispers, "come!"
but I try to tell him I'm not done
I'm still strong surviving here
trying to get through another year
without the sadness, without the fear
he looks me dead in the eye
and tells me to say goodbye
to everything I've ever known
to leave my life all alone.

Just as my gaze starts to fixate
a mist of haze emanates
a crack of light as dawn breaks
through the curtains drawn so tight
looks like I won the fight
from my nightmare I awake
no more sweats, no more shakes
yes another night I survive
awake now, still alive.