Just because
I bear
the pain,
it doesn’t
mean it’s
bearable

As I walk each crowded street
Foreign, reserved, and alone
Past memories once complete
Distant, concealed, and unknown

My eyes recollect the places
But the places remain obscured
My heart will connect to the faces
But the faces remain unassured

The strangers will pass me by
Ordinary, humble, or proud
Their voices will laugh and sigh
Composed, quiet, or loud

I walked once through this door
But the door remains never open
I felt belonging here once before
But the before remains now broken

The heart never stops sinking
And it’s felt low and immensely
High and intensely

An emotional seizure

The mind never stops thinking
And it’s thought deep and over caring
Cold and overbearing

Death is our leisure

I could never be calmed
by one who's in control

I could never be taught
by one who has it all

I could never be filled
by one whose heart is whole

But I could only be healed
by another broken soul

There is a world of blessing  
that is awaiting to surround me,
but piles of dust and ashes
are the only things around me

There is a world of beauty
that is awaiting to find me,
but this prison of darkness 
has locked and confined me

The dusk made up of darkness
The dawn contained of light
As you were the break of day
I was the shadow of night

The bad made up of blackness
The good contained of white
As I was everything wrong 
You were everything right

I was compelled to confide
to a life of bloodshed and thrill,
so that I would never fall low
as to say my eyes cannot see

I was enforced to reside
among those helplessly ill,
so that I would never let grow
the prideful ego in me

I was astray with no guide
lacking a purpose to fulfill,
so that I would someday go
to where I'm destined to be

I was imprisoned inside
and stripped of my freewill,
so that I would someday know
what it truly means to be free

There are no limits within a dream
Insanity at its most extreme
Imagination aged the child
It made me strong, it made me wild

I have ocean secrets growing deep
They're mine to ponder, mine to keep
Creativity taught and raised the kid
It gave me hopes in the places I hid

I only pretend with pretenders
And contend with contenders
I'm only giving to the givers
And forgiving to forgivers

I'm only strange with strangers
And dangerous with dangers
I'm only hateful to the haters
And traitorous to traitors

If only there could have been
some type of an in-between
That could take me for awhile
to a world that I've never seen

It's not that I want to come
It's just I don't want to go
It's not that I want a high
It's just I don't want a low

I don't want myself without
But I don't want myself within
I don't want to commit to good
But I don't want to commit to sin 

It's not that I want to win
It's just I don't want to lose
It's not that I want a mystery
It's just I don't want the clues

I don't want to say hello 
But I don't want to say goodbye
I don't want myself to live
But I don't want myself to die

If only there could have been
some type of an in-between
That could take me for awhile
to a world that I've never seen

4:21am,
and I’m not sure where the hours went
Wondering if it’s worth it all,
all of the wasted time spent?
Struggling to keep myself around
Plummeting deep into the ground
The line I crossed is where I’m bound
A game of lost and never found

4:32am,
and I’m not sure when it started
Wondering if I deserve it all,
whatever left me broken hearted?
A shallow rise for a deeper low
If I swallow lies then I can’t let go
It’s always yes when it should be no
But I reminisce what I used to know

4:43am,
and I’m not sure how it ended
Wondering if I divert it all,
will I come out the other side mended?
I hide in thoughts buried in my head
Live inside the plots I made up instead
I can’t revive when I know I’m dead
And I won’t survive in the life I’ve led

4:54am,
and I’m not sure if I’m myself again
Wondering if I revert it all,
can I go back in time before it all began?
I knew it’s wrong but it felt too right
I grew so strong but I lost the fight
Intertwined with the depths of night
It’s where I find just a glimmer of light

The silence is deafening when it makes a sound

I'm scared of the tears

that I don't cry

The days like this

that I don't die

I'm scared of the pain

that slips my mind

It comes back harder

than what I left behind

Your eyes are my weakness
Your scent is my proneness
Your lips are my vulnerability
Your hair is my susceptibility

Your voice is my instability
Your touch is my humility
Your lust is my inferiority
Your love is my superiority

You'll never remember
the bad when
you're in the
good.

But you'll always
remember the good
when you're in
the bad.

Pain is the
greatest necessity
of pleasure.