"Definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
What if there's nothing else that you can say or that you can do? What if you're in a position where there's no one you can look to? You find yourself doing the same things over and over again. You think things have changed, when in fact you're right where you began. Why? Because you're stuck in a prison of your own making. You knew it was wrong, but it was your only way to cope through breaking. You tried to succeed, but all you ever did was fail. Your past's freedom has turned out to be your present's jail. In spite of being warned of your consequences, you found yourself creating it. Now you stare at it in contempt, resenting and hating it. You didn't know you were sentencing yourself to a life of misery. You were scared at the moment and did anything that made you feel free. But the more you ran away, the more you restricted opportunities. Your temporary escape had thrown away all your keys. Like a cancerous disease that ate away at every bit of your life. That you feel is so incredibly painful, you'd rather be stabbed with a knife. They say every problem has a solution, but some take longer to find. What if you never find it, because you're so far behind? You had grown up mostly dependent on the ones who neglected you. You only respected the ones who never respected you. You were told that others had it worse, so you never mentioned your pain. You were ignored to a point, where the silence made you insane. Now your suffering has conformed to a consuming rage. A rage that abducted your humanity and locked it up in a cage. Now your mind is mixed up, and this mess has started to confuse you. You think the ones that care about you will eventually abuse you. There's no one left in the world who you could possibly trust. You're weak and insecure, living in a world far too unjust. So now you wake up, wondering why you're alive another day. You want to start all over, but you just can't find a way. Every time you approach a new path, you know you'll get lost and stray. You know it will all be the same, another hope leading you astray. The day comes to an end, a day you can never buy back. Your life knows no colours, but the darkest shades of black. You've fallen so hard, you'll never get back on your feet. Tomorrow is the same ritual, your days are played on repeat. The only difference is your pain will increasingly exalt. Knowing the key to your prison has been locked in a vault. Knowing you're so lost in the world, you can never fix the faults. Some can only sit, staring at the clock, expecting different results.....
*© Sarah Ahmed (ThePoet)