It's not confusing
just the past is all

such a heavy love
at times, i choke
on the shape
of forgetting you

i do love dat *****
it is so very fine
i want to eat that *****
and make it mine

your voice breaks
as you tell me
why it is you are back
in the town we both call "home"

well, "home" is a word i haven't used in a long time
and i don't know if I plan on to
anytime soon

i am merely human so all i do is exhale on the telephone
and whisper "i'm sorry you're going through this"
as my mind races and wanders to peaks and cliffs
in all the efforts to embrace you
and heal what life will inevitably crack

feeling so small
walking the streets
of an old town
of old defeats

i was the greatest failure
i am my greatest gift

plaques of history
envelope before me
i want to know all the facts
i want to know all your sins

you are the greatest interest

these small things
i know their worth
i know that i will forever remember them

so i keep walking
i keep my eyes wide and bereft

i am my greatest potential
i am

the body is a vessel
of tissue and blood and bone
i want to leave it alone but
i know myself

the mind is a muscle
of matter and questions and tactics
i want to forget it but
i know myself

the actions we take now
formats what we have the potential
of becoming
and you are too dear to me darling
to simply brush under the rug

too special to overanalyze
i don't need to magnify when it comes to you either
i've learned a lot this year
i'm learning everyday

learn with me.

Dear Universe,

I know that I **** up a lot when it comes to writing back
but I am working on getting better.
I'm actually working on getting better at a lot of things.
When I get home, I plan on gathering some recipes, running on the treadmill, buying stamps, paying those parking tickets.
In fact, I have a long list of to-do's in my head.
You'd laugh if you could see the race my mind plays (or maybe you can)?
It's exhausting.

You know, I wanna love without fear. I want to be confident in my emotional investments. I want to hold her and not wonder where it is her mind wanders. I want to be the best non-girlfriend girlfriend a girl like her could have.

I also want an even tan.