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T Thomas Nov 2014
I hate being vulnerable
and showing any weakness
But I wish I could show you just how much you've broken my heart into pieces
For a while I didn't know why I stayed
Thought at this point you were disposable
But when the tears started falling
I called you for closure
Why are you doing this to me?
Is it revenge?
These mind games,
once you begin there is no end
Somehow I know everything you said wasn't a lie
And just like the break ups before
this isn't really a goodbye
T Thomas Aug 2014
You are the cool blue water,
that flows from the
purest of rivers,
with a heart as warm as
a summer's night.
Gentle and soft,
you are a sunflower
blooming,
that just needs to be
watered right.
Tender love and
affection is all you ask,
but you tend to hide
behind this cold mask.
You are the true beauty
of this green Earth,
and you should never
have to question your
value or worth.
T Thomas Nov 2014
I wish I could wear
my heart on my sleeve
so I can be seen
for what I really am
I am composed of many things
but most of all
I am tender and sensual
and I try to be gentle
But I know for sure that
I'm not the most simple
I just hope you can look past that
T Thomas Nov 2014
Blood boiling
Ears ringing
Constant ******* screaming
So that you would understand
Why this **** has meaning.

Bitter cold
This is getting old.
How come I wasn't told?
A month later
Pieced together
With no sure clue
As to who was true.
But I did the easiest thing
And cut the last string
Between me and you.

Grown tired of feeling dumb.
I am finally numb.
T Thomas Dec 2014
My body feels like light air
in a reality where I don't feel completely there
Neither comfortable or out of place
I'm simply wandering through this space
My starry eyes are fixated on time
my colorful thoughts are worded in rhymes

I have recluded deep inside my mind
T Thomas Jan 2015
loud music
drowning out soft cries

desperate eyes.. tired eyes..
I've given up everything eyes..
they look even darker than usual

"Do you sleep at all?"
"You look tired."

razors everywhere
engraved loneliness
dripping blood

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

take three pills
I wish I had alcohol

"Stop the sad faces, smile more :)"
T Thomas Feb 2017
Your gaze melts me
struggling to keep my composure
from the exposure
that I can't breathe
and that I
need you
just a little
closer
but I keep my distance
fighting insistence
on loving you
with my entire being
sacrificing my life line

just so you can leave me behind
T Thomas Nov 2014
You said you like games
and you like to win
That's something we have in common being astrological twins
But at this point
I can't keep playing them again
The frustration is killer
I feel like tearing off my skin
I shouldn't have to get drunk
To find my sanity within
T Thomas Nov 2014
I'm drowning
             and slowly seeping
                             in to the abyss of nothingness.
I'm reaching out,
I'm reaching out,
                              but I'm too far gone.

I'm choking on my own words,
and no one can save me
but maybe a bottle of whiskey.
I need to be sedated,
                      I'm tired of feeling
                                            crazy.

Fire burns me alive inside
till I'm numb on the outside.

My whole world is crashing,
                  I'm dying under the sun.
I'm trying to run,
                    but my feet are grounded.
I'm trying to scream
                              to wake up from this dream.
T Thomas Dec 2014
I don't want small talk
that only leads to you making a move.

There is no such thing as "casual dating" for me:
A relationship goes far beyond physical aspects.

What's the point if you're not mentally there?

I don't want empty love
built on tolerance and indifference,
and quick loss of interest.

I want slow burning passion.

I want fights and arguments,
raw emotion,
ecstasy, and meaningful ***.

Life is too profound to settle for anything less.
T Thomas Jan 2016
frostbitten finger tips
anchoring me down to this useless town
but this plaguing feeling of emptiness cant even hold me down
words that wont surface are buried underneath
im scared as to who my next victim might be
maybe I'll be docile and quiet as usually
but this lingering yearning
wont shake me free
i want to be more
for the whole world to see
but will anyone ever notice my pleas?
T Thomas Dec 2014
Locked in a cage
My mind's in a maze
Even though the door is open

I. cannot. escape.
T Thomas Dec 2014
The thing that makes me the happiest human in the world is truly making you smile
Seeing you laugh and turn pink whenever I plant the softest kiss on your nose and cheeks
or kiss your lips with a silly fish face just fills me with the greatest gratitude to the universe
for giving me the sweetest love I've ever knew
T Thomas Mar 2017
She was the girl who daydreamed
with stars in her eyes
love on the brain
walking through life
embracing the rain
rose petal cheeks
that you couldn't help
but slyly sneak a peek

She was the girl of your dreams
or so it seemed
cuddled in bed
lovestruck for dead
soft whispers
and faint snores
you fell in love
with this romantic folklore
despite the internal warning
there was this emotional warming
of frost bitten desires
that she easily
reignited with a sensual,
slow burning fire
T Thomas Feb 2017
lights dimmed
only our silhouettes shown
body to body
hand in hand
you lead the way to a foreign land
body heat radiating
ice cream melting
along with our clothes
your eyes held a gateway to your soul
I inched in little by bit
in the darkness held a familiarity so dear
I couldn't help but draw near
no trespassing
caution
forbidden
in the depths of your heart
I could live in
T Thomas Jan 2015
The word pathetic
         Lingers in my mind
                         like a bad song

I should've stood in the freeway
That night you drove me home

         I'm worthless ****
To think
  that you would think more of me
               Than just a fun time
While you were ******* around
              I was losing my mind
The words you didn't say
              Said more than what you didnt

And when you gave up
         And drove off
             Leaving me in the street
I knew
I was better off
*Dead
T Thomas Feb 2017
fleeting symphonies of you speaking to me
can't help but play on repeat
over and over
a dead track that lacks expression
how could it stir my depression
rewind back the tape of you kissing on the nape of my neck
oh so tenderly
treating me as if my body could break with such fragility
whisper inside me and tell me the story of how you fell in love
with cheesy lines of "it started way back before..."
before arguments were arguments that were settled with just a smile and a kiss
before I spoke to you
and was just a loner past due of a hug and friendship
sensual-ship
love making risks
"did I *** too fast?"
"was it too quick?"
before we made a secret code
and you were told
"hey she thinks you're cute"
when the awkward silences unfold
high school love that never expired
and something about that smile
could never make you tired
and if anything drove you wild
replaying on repeat
T Thomas Feb 2017
Has hiding behind sarcasm
and vagueness
dismissiveness
become our coping methods?

These walls made from brick
are not as thick
as the passion in the air

It's not fair that time has to suffer
and continue on
because our minds
aren't strong enough
to match the resilience
of our hearts
T Thomas Sep 2014
It was a 10:54 a.m. morning breeze
as I stood waiting for the bus
harvest leaves pranced in the roads
while cars drove by
pushing the autumn sweetness

A happy image of your
best friend Josh's face came to mind,
followed by a faded remembrance
of how in love we were
last year around this time
but
the faint numbness
settling in my chest
reminded me
that those days were long gone

At 10:57
the bus slowed to a halt
the doors opened
and I remembered
I will be sixteen
this Fall.
T Thomas Nov 2014
why do you fill me with artificial love
and give me artificial smiles
and tell me hopeless lies

you are ripping my heart out of my ******* chest
and tearing me in half and I can't bare it
and you wonder why I'm so depressed
all I ever wanted was for you to stay

I'm never ever good enough
They'll always be a flaw in me
that you only magnify

We put up these acts
we beg for each other
but treat each other like a push away

Stop throwing me away whenever you don't get your way.
T Thomas Jan 2017
though i know what the future beholds
am i selfish for wanting to hold onto
this thought
this dream
that you're more
than what your words
and actions
appear to seem?
T Thomas Aug 2014
Drowning myself in liquored down consciousness
So maybe I’d have the confidence
To tell you that you’re on my mind
And not the usual “thinking of you”
But the ******* reality
That you’re my sunshine
And my moon,
That you breathe life into me
That you can take away, too.

Smoking these packs a day,
So maybe the smoke can suffocate these
Empty feelings of loneliness and stress
And ash the late night heart broken regret.

Hitting bowls to fill these holes
Of where your hands have burned in me
Where I crave one last singe of heat
From the top of your pink lips
To your hands on my hips,
Though I know it’ll never be enough.

Swallowing multicolored pills
To stop these freezing chills
That frost through my nerves
Whenever I remember that night
You traced your hands along the silhouette
of my curves
Or
When you’re perfect fingers
Would push my hair from in front
of my face to aside
With such warming grace
Just to tell me to show my
Beautiful eyes
T Thomas Sep 2021
I’m losing myself

Maybe I haven’t worked on myself
Everything isn’t about me
I don’t know what I want
I feel lost
and I feel like no one understands me.

No one listens anymore,
and I can’t even hear myself.

I’ve fallen upon deaf ears.
And no one did it to me,

just myself.
T Thomas Feb 2017
kissing your lips was like
taking a bite of
that forbidden passion fruit
that ****** us all
I saw my future call
but I couldn't answer
now that emptiness envelopes me
I wonder
if that
sweet
rebellion
would've set
me
free
T Thomas Feb 2017
there has been so much death
around me
pain and suffering
happening all too quick
through that
i learned not to take the present
for granted
experiencing the feeling of
being alive
having emotions
loving something
while they're here
is truly a blessing
every day i have you
i will thank the universe
for keeping you safe
and allowing me to be in your world
even if it is just for a little while
longer
T Thomas May 2022
she was filled with poetry
destruction in her voice
but love in her words
she scared you
instead of turning towards you
she turned the mirror
forced to look at your reflection
you succumbed to weakness
T Thomas Aug 2014
My heart is ****** and bruised,
because you were my muse
for everything.
I'd give my entire soul,
if you needed it.
I told you I'd never give up on you
no matter how hard it got.
And you said the same.
But then things changed.
You said you couldn't give me what I needed,
but I didn't care.
You filled me with life,
and love,
and that's all I wanted.
You said you didn't want something serious.
You said you couldn't treat me like a girlfriend should be treated,
that you didn't feel like being a boyfriend.
You said you didn't feel like being in a relationship.
But after you cut off all ties with me,
you went to her.
The same one you said I didn't have to worry about.


Now my mind won't stop plaguing my with the constant thoughts,
"What was wrong with me?"
T Thomas Feb 2015
Maybe those secret nights of us tangled together in bed
and feeling like cozy newlyweds
will soon fade to you
But in the book of my mind
where you are inscribed
those memories will last
my entire lifetime
T Thomas Feb 2017
"Five minutes with you
made up for 2 months of
depression
10 minutes with you
gave me the hope i had
lost long ago
I dont know what five
hours gave me, but its a
burning passion inside
With you i dont know
right from wrong
Temptations consumed
me
Love guided it
Rage supported it
Sadness inspired it
My vessel tried to
explore your sea, but
the waves were too treacherous"

-Mal
T Thomas Feb 2017
when skies were blue
and the air was clean
near lofty trees
in the spring breeze
that's where I met you

short, but with
a very tall personality
demanding attention
but also reserved
with a demeanor unflinching

my eyes traveled
scoped you,
mysterious
I wanted to know your world
your apple in my hand
is what I behold
T Thomas Aug 2014
This weight in my chest
is slowly
crushing,
and breaking my small
spirit.
Its aching,
and sore.
I'm not thinking straight anymore.
Nothing soothes it.
It'll always be a bruise.
T Thomas Dec 2014
In a space so filled,
how could I feel so lonely?
T Thomas Feb 2017
"The days have been
passing as slow as a
turtle
But why is it every time
we draw near, eternity
feels like an instant
Entering your aura was
like remembering a
memory you cant fully
remember
You struggle to recall
but you know you're
imagining false images
The memories are
slightly gone
Make new ones
The tender touch of your
skin was like fluid to a
dying flame.
Spontaneous.
Magnificent. The only
flame i want to feel.
Half of me is bold, half of me is fragile
One eye showing
courage, one eye watered
When it comes to you, i
dont know which path i
should take"

-Mal
I love his poetry so much...
T Thomas Nov 2014
I want to wake up to the sun pouring through the windows and onto your sleeping face where you look so peaceful.
I want to spend a Sunday doing absolutely nothing with you but lay in bed together and watch Netflix. Maybe smoke a joint and watch a super funny movie.
I want you to see me in a tank top and boxers with my hair a mess and think that I am just a perfect soul(even though I'm not).
I want to roll around on your bed with you and just be silly and annoying.
I want to fall asleep in your embrace just to wake up in the morning and see your cute bedhead and sleepy face smiling and wonder, "How could I be so blessed?"
T Thomas Feb 2017
rolling with the punches
faint smiles
can barely look in your eyes
without losing my breath
im drowning inside my love
cant swim
panicking
lungs filling with the thought of you
eyesight blackening
reaching out
while standing at the lifeboat
through watery eyes
I watch you
turn your back
T Thomas Nov 2014
Shot after shot the tears start to diminish
Topped with prescription pills for the finish
I don't want to die anymore
I just want a break every once in a while from this life that feels like a heavy chore
T Thomas Dec 2014
Who knew that in the depths of misery
held a piece of life so sweet?

The way my heart floats when you're near me
or how a memory of you makes me sing

I have a smile that only you can see.
T Thomas Nov 2014
How can you look me in my eyes
And withhold so many lies?
Is it that I am naive to believe that people do still have common decency?
What is it about me that just screams   not worth the effort or work?
will cont. tomorrow
T Thomas Aug 2014
I poured my heart out
to you
in the most beautiful way
I could.
In poetry,
love letters,
smiles,
and giggles,
passion,
***.
I became completely undone
and vulnerable to you.
Hoping that you would take
good and gentle care of me.
I thought,
as long as I loved you
with all my being,
everything would be fine,
that you knew I appreciated you.
But somewhere I lacked,
and fell short,
and now,
you're gone.
T Thomas Dec 2014
my mind is filled with **** thats seeping into my heart.
my words feel foreign and your response isn't always warming and that's why i keep my ******* mouth shut.
T Thomas Aug 2014
Its not the break up,
its not the fact that you're with her,
its not even the fact
that you aren't with me.
Its the fact that,
I molded,
and grew around you,
which I accepted gladly
with open arms.
You opened
and touched
a part of my heart and soul
that I never knew existed
and synced it with yours.
But then you left me,
and cut me off.
You fell out of love with me.
T Thomas Dec 2014
Since last night
my voice has left me
and I haven't been able
to say a word.

Instead of trying
to find that sound
I have simply
given up.
T Thomas Jan 2017
"can my love be enough?"
the young woman asked within
with a sigh
the universe replied,
"not always will you win."
T Thomas Jan 2015
Days of the week start to frustrate me,
and overwhelms my anxiety

Tears no longer have any meaning,
and that's why none are shed

The only time I'm truly free
is when I'm asleep dreaming
which is why I've taken an attachment to my bed

The razor in my drawer going across my wrist sounds all too pleasing
but how can I live if I'm dead?
I dont make sense
Im just really tired
T Thomas Dec 2014
The way you hug me while resting your head on my lap never fails to make my heart melt
T Thomas Feb 2018
I started writing again as a way to cope with the silence, constantly blaming myself with internal violence
Because it's me, and always will be
My vision is skewed
Maybe it's not you
It's just me,
And always will be

I wonder if the end's creeping up soon.
T Thomas Jan 2016
im not drowning
and thats the scary part
im floating admist my sorrows
fears
dreams
realities
i have the key to fix things
but there's always a catch
isnt it?
T Thomas May 2022
glowing
she had a smile that was infectious
so you held in yours
it's like she made you feel bare
vulnerable
you hated it because you craved it even more
selfishly you asked,
"who am i to have you?"
while her light glowed
you dimmed yours
it wasn't a competition
but you wanted to win her
desperately,
you wanted to win her.
T Thomas Sep 2016
*******
rubbing
i love that good loving
that *******
**** me down n release urself
until i start choking
vibrating
fit me like a glove
tell me what u love
about my
sweet
pink matter
that u say taste like cake batter
thrusting
lusting
ive finally become accustomed
to begging on my knees
for ur *******
with affection
i want u, daddy,
to teach me a lesson
T Thomas Nov 2014
Just when I start to feel lighter
and brighter
You bring your dark storm clouds
and heavy rain showers
You shake up this temporary euphoric world I created
And knock me back into the brim of hell's realm
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