Mysteries, riddles and magic
I could close my eyes and find you by the frequency of your soul’s vibrations
Dare me, dead sober
Tie my hands behind my back
Make me senseless
The clarity I have is out of body
What I feel is formless
And you don’t have to stay
But you don’t have to go
If you don’t want to
I won’t try to change you, chain you, rearrange you
It’s okay if you don’t want it
It’s a gift, not an ultimatum
I’ll set it down at your feet
Walk away, bow out, pray
This is weightlessness
Ego death
Reincarnation

Sometimes
Sometimes
Sometimes
Late at night
I think about you

And I piece together the way we danced
between each other like sunlight, moonlight, sky

It doesn't hurt anymore
When the reels roll behind my eyes, closed
Open — I feel open, now, and free

And I will always love you
Because I choose to, because I can
But I don’t want your love
Because now I know it was half-hearted
And it doesn't matter why
And I forgive you
And I am breathing such deep breaths, an infinite belly
When then, I was purple, choking, so desperate to be seen

Now I know: Boundaries
Now I see: A mosaic
And it all makes sense
And I’m sorry
For holding on

Inside the stillness of this morning
The earth is humble
You sit crooked-legged on a splintered row
I see it clearly
You hold the child of a tired woman at your side
You do not know her name
The child clasps your arm and falls asleep inside the smudgened earth upon your chest, a hard days work
This is a feeling you have never known
And you sink, too, into the child’s bony cheek
You see me now, upside down, in clearsight
Our breaths align, weeping, not in sadness
For we know it’s all connected
And you close your eyes and smell her hair
And the hair tickles your nose
And I open my eyes and see a purple sunrise
I take a deep breath
You exhale
A shiver
The gratitude, the boats, the ripples
The altruistic beauty of something so much greater than yourself

It wasn’t you
But I thought, for a second, maybe it could be
And I don’t know if that is false hope or fear
Because you never gave me a chance to face it down
And I wonder if it will fade away, in time,
or get buried underneath the other **** in the closet,
but we both know I put sticky notes all over the walls
to remind myself of what I might one day be looking for.

I truly love
Sleeping alone
Eye contact
Silence
I love watching people be themselves
I love walking a fine line, on my tip toes;
tenderness so soft you almost can’t feel it
I love being untouchable
and I love being touched
I love breakthroughs
and things of substance
I love walking through the woods—
getting lost, laughing, and turning around
I love the art of healing
I love fluctuation and dynamism and change
I love being free – unobliged, unbound, unassuming
I love the sober thoughtfulness of melancholy
I love love, and I love loving love
And I love giving myself time, as much as I need,
to understand my magic

Lately
I’ve been
Quiet
Patient
Listening
Preparing myself for war
In ways you wouldn’t understand
Because I feel it coming: the calm before the storm
I’ve healed myself from ruin: ash, dust, craters
And look at me now - a palace; a temple
For to lovers who pilgrimaged, and prayed
Humbly, I’ve built walls that break clouds
To protect my heart
From men who hunger for praise, and power
And flesh
Lately
I’ve been
Slipping into shadows of castles in the sky
Where only disciples who’d give their lives
Can see the door

I’m a chiliagon, a rubik’s cube -
Not to be unriddled or unwound
I’m a disproportionately curvatured polygon; too spiritual to be mathematized
I am art, not the artist, and I have transcended my pain and fear because I walked with them in darkness, in depth, to understand not to conquer them
I am a mirror of mosaics and I have reorganized my pieces so many times trying to make sense of how they see me and I’ve learned that they only see themselves
Because we are all teachers and students and
There is so much to learn
About ourselves
Through each other
So open your eyes
And walk with me
Through this great life of self-reflection
So that we may understand
And transcend
These bodies that ground us