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T Mar 11
Sometimes
Sometimes
Sometimes
Late at night
I think about you

And I piece together the way we danced
between each other like sunlight, moonlight, sky

It doesn't hurt anymore
When the reels roll behind my eyes, closed
Open — I feel open, now, and free

And I will always love you
Because I choose to, because I can
But I don’t want your love
Because now I know it was half-hearted
And it doesn't matter why
And I forgive you
Because I am whole-heartedly so in love with myself
And I am more than I ever need
And I am breathing such deep breaths, an infinite belly
When then, I was purple, choking, so desperate to be seen

Now I know: Boundaries
Now I see: A mosaic
And it all makes sense
And I’m sorry
For holding on
T Feb 5
Inside the stillness of this morning
The earth is humble
You sit crooked-legged on a splintered row
I see it clearly
You hold the child of a tired woman at your side
You do not know her name
The child clasps your arm and falls asleep inside the smudgened earth upon your chest, a hard days work
This is a feeling you have never known
And you sink, too, into the child’s bony cheek
You see me now, upside down, in clearsight
Our breaths align, weeping, not in sadness
For we know it’s all connected
And you close your eyes and smell her hair
And the hair tickles your nose
And I open my eyes and see a purple sunrise
I take a deep breath
You exhale
A shiver
The gratitude, the boats, the ripples
The altruistic beauty of something so much greater than yourself
T Jan 26
Do not poison me because you are unhappy
My light is not a lack of yours
Do not try to anger me; poke and ****
or seek some self-perpetuated revenge
Do not try to make our lives a competition
because you must prove that you can win
Instead -
My mother -
Embrace me
Because I am tired
of tiptoeing around your ego glass wall;
Deflating myself so you don’t feel small
My mother -
You are a giant, a storm, a champion
But you must see that
as well as your faults
Because no one is always right
and stoicism is not bravery, nor strength
I have spent my whole life deflecting
because I have no room for things that take
And I cannot give if you cannot receive
Oh, my mother -
You must bury your pride
and learn patience
and empathy
and when to bite your tongue
Because time wants to make you bitter
and you must say no
T Jan 13
I’m trying to wash my hands
I’m scrubbing with steel wool
and distractions
and anger
and time
to get you out from underneath my fingertips
because when I bite my nails I taste you
I loved you like a sick, sweet poison
I drank you like red wine
Why do you read my poetry like it’s the only honest thing you’ve ever known?
I cannot breathe if I’m not drowning
T Jan 9
It wasn’t you
But I thought, for a second, maybe it could be
And I don’t know if that is false hope or fear
Because you never gave me a chance to face it down
And I wonder if it will fade away, in time,
or get buried underneath the other **** in the closet,
but we both know I put sticky notes all over the walls
to remind myself of what I might one day be looking for.
T Dec 2018
I truly love
Sleeping alone
Eye contact
Silence
I love watching people be themselves
I love walking a fine line, on my tip toes
I love tenderness so soft you almost can’t feel it
I love being untouchable
and I love being touched
I love breakthroughs
and things of substance
I love walking through the woods
I love getting lost, and laughing, and turning around
I love the art of healing
I love fluctuation and dynamism and change
I love being free – unobliged, unbound, unassuming
I love the sober thoughtfulness of melancholy
I love love, and I love loving love
And I love giving myself time, as much as I need,
to understand my magic
T Dec 2018
Lately
I’ve been
Quiet
Patient
Listening
Preparing myself for war
In ways you wouldn’t understand
Because I feel it coming: the calm before the storm
I’ve healed myself from ruin: ash, dust, craters
And look at me now - a palace; a temple
For to lovers who pilgrimaged, and prayed
Humbly, I’ve built walls that break clouds
To protect my heart
From men who hunger for praise, and power
And flesh
Lately
I’ve been
Slipping into shadows of castles in the sky
Where only disciples who’d give their lives
Can see the door
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