Tatiana

Tatiana Dec 2020

I hold my bible in my right hand
because I'm a God-fearing man and
Christianity has always been in style.
I like white because it's the color of surrender
red for my blood I'll never spill
and blue for the sky that I will rule.
Wear my brands like a badge of honor
and follow my lead
for I am the prophet of style
I profit off of stolen style
I'm the prophet of style
they should put my face on the dollar
for how much I profit off
"In God We Trust."

(but only trust me)

©Tatiana

The idea in this draft was to talk about people who abuse their authority position in religion for a power trip. Also about people who pretend to be religious so that they may receive the support of those who truly are religious. An act all for a power. I chose Christianity because it's the religion that I grew up with and was witnessing events that lead me to these conclusions.
Obviously, not all Christians fall into this specific brand of person. I do not intend for this to come off this way. I'm talking about specific people (a minority) who have the power to influence a large amount of people and are abusing it.
This is a very touchy subject which is why it had stayed as a draft until now.

#drafts

Tatiana Dec 2020

Draft 1/?

I'll take a walk that I won't return from
leaving behind coats and mittens
in hopes I'll become frostbitten
and numb

©Tatiana

This isn't really a planned series as much as it's a need to empty my drafts which I have over 200 of.

#drafts

Tatiana Dec 2020

Seeing Spots

I'm seeing spots
when I stand
up too quickly
time passes by
slowly when I
watch the clock
tick in circles
hands search for
each other and
for one minute
they will meet
and provide comfort

©Tatiana

#seeing #spots

Tatiana Dec 2020

I'm Drinking Honey

My throat aches from goodbyes I've held
behind my teeth; I'll never tell.
The friends I miss say, "See you in Hell."
Without a word uttered from their lips.
Contain it in my stomach; a terrible acid.

So I'm drinking, honey.

I sit on my bed, pictures in my hands,
and a bottle looming on my nightstand.
I read once honey can soothe
rough words into sweet and smooth,
tooth-rotting platitudes.

So I'm drinking honey.

There's no way to fix the tears I made
pieces of film fall from my hands.
Onto my floor, I know what to do,
I lift my rug and I grab a broom.
What good are these to me and you?

Stop drinking honey!
Stop drinking, honey!

©Tatiana
A bit of a mix between the excessive drinking I grew up around, acid reflux, not speaking when I should have, and all the problems that happened as a result.

#alcohol #honey #friendship #loss

Tatiana Dec 2020

I Wander Through the Woods

I wander through the woods
on a brisk Autumn evening.
Leaves growing crisp with frost
beneath my heavy boots
and light fading faster than
heat escaping from my head.

I stop.

Only the pines boast any greenery.
The rest of the trees' leaves create
a path that I've yet to disturb
with my trudging trail.
I shove knit-covered hands into my pockets
and release a foggy breath in still air.

I wait.

A slight rustle in pine needles is my clue.
I'll stay until my cheeks redden from the chill
and the sky releases snow as pale as my bones.
I'll wait for when leaves are crushed
yet I'm still as stone.
I'll leave now that I know

I'm not alone.

#autumn #winter

Tatiana Dec 2020

Phone Calls

talking on the phone makes my skin crawl
I can't see who I'm talking to
maybe they're rolling their eyes
or silently laughing as I trip over my words
perhaps they're trying to hide me
for someone else in the room would rather I not speak
and it's ridiculous, truly, I don't want to talk
People calling requesting estimates for their homes
no heats, no ac, no need to hear from me
I'll check the messages and send them on their way
but they call again and again and again
wanting to know if I got their message
do they really need to hear from me?
Honestly! I'm the go between!
Just leave a message with the info I requested
on my answering machine.
I got your message, I really did
I sent it to where it needed to go
you don't have to talk to me, please stop trying
I turn the volume down on my phone
stop calling me, I won't answer
but your message won't go unheard
stop calling me, I won't answer
my silent phone rings with recorded words

©Tatiana
Every time my phone rings at work for the past 2 days, my skin has crawled. So I'm letting things ring out, recording the messages and then returning calls if need be or sending the messages to where they need to go. Because I can't answer a phone call right now without feeling massively unprepared for whatever conversation may happen. I don't like phone calls and there are days where I can handle them no problem. And then there are days like yesterday and today where the thought of picking up that phone makes me nauseous and I can't even focus on what I'm supposed to do because I'm so nervous about it.
It'll pass. I know it will. I'd like for it to pass sooner though.