I took her for some fish and chips,
We had a reight good time.
The two of us kept locking lips,
It really int a crime.

But then she saw this pilot bloke:
It really wasn’t fair.
Though I’m a super Trekkie clerk,
She saw me as a square.

What she saw in him I’ll never know,
There really was no reason.
But off she went with him, oh no!
It felt just like a treason.

Those fish and chips are getting cold,
With no-one there to eat ‘em.
Them mushy peas have gone to waste, be told,
But she prefers to cheat ‘em.

There are more fish in the sea they say,
And now I’m talking females.
Every dog will have his day,
I’d better watch my emails.

Paul Butters

"What Jim, you want what"*
I'm never going in that confounded
Contraption. Do you know what happens
When you step in.

Molecules spread upon the cosmos,
Skin is nothing then it plays jigsaw
With my bits, what parts does it miss.

Do you know the people that have
Stepped on this thing, its like sitting
On a 20th century public toilet.

"Bones what are you saying"
"You been taking your meds again"

Jim, Spock don't you raise that eye brow,
Don't think I didn't see that slight grin.

"I'll not get on that confounded contraption"

Where's the shuttle, its a metal tomb, but
Anything is better than beaming away,
Rematerializing just isn't my dam thing.