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who wants a rewind
of tragedies and mischiefs?
i'd just get heartaches
munch that sweet fruitcake
up until your sweet teeth's sate
“do you want some slice?”
i did it lately—
to not sleep off my problems
got a light heart, mind
I was victim of my own mindset
that it must be kept
all problems by yourself
because darkness must stay within
not to devour another nescience's flare
But as the flowers wilt
and the leaves grew searer,
the shadows started to conquer my feelings
and strangle me with the labyrinthine words
which couldn't be suppressed any longer
And I was too late to reach
for someone else's help
I do not have any interactions of love with me but I do imagine how my life will likely to evolve to someone as much as my dad always praises mom's delicacies eventhough it was sometimes salty or sour, and my mom still blushes with dad's cliché lines (I think he read it somewhere) like a teenager wearing shiny pumps and glittering fitted cocktail dress and her lips coated with red lipstick.

I do imagine how our dates will be like. We'll flirt inside of a fastfood chain and there's a possibility while I'm sipping my soda, it will spill because of too much giggle in his jokes and comedies of his life. I may also include on how exaggerated his narration will be. Watching movies that do not suit our tastes because we just want to cuddle or maybe make out throughout the movie at the shadowy corners of the movie theater. We will secretly eat bagels inside of the library because we cannot afford to miss the time to review our tousled notes because examination is rushing behind our backs.

And I will likely to express these silly situations out of my mind through poetry because as much as I wanted to love someone, I'm too wrecked right now to devote myself.
nonexistent crimes
were shoved down into my throat
screams, pleas aren't heard
all those advices
seem to vanish through thin air
head's incapable
Even if the storm have passed,
I started showing off
every bits of my shattered pieces to you—
every sharp edges,
every flaws,
every nullified hopes,
every broken promises
of yesterdays and tomorrows,
every dried tears and swollen eyes,
every scars on my wrist;
everything that makes me crushed
And I'm glad that you didn't point
my own edges at me,
instead you caressed it
not minding the blood
flowing down on your fingertips
You promised you'll be with me
as the sky gets darker
for my hoping eyes to look upon
I was praying for you
not to have a change of heart
but maybe my prayers
were not loud enough to be granted
Nonetheless, I liked it better
when you would always pull my hand
to tuck it on on your coat
and let your warmth
cover the coldness of mine
rather than the attempts of shunning the prospect
of our hands to simply touch
I liked it better
when you would always greet me
with flowers after our petty quarrels
rather than welcoming me
with your unshaven face,
disheveled coat and the reeking of alcohol in you
I liked it better
when you would plan out
our happy ending in a sheet of old tattered paper
with your untidy handwriting
rather than signing the new printed paper
which crumbled the possibility of the life
I've been trying to build with you
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