I wish I was stronger
That my mind would leave me alone
I keep trying
Pushing through all of these walls I've built
I keep trying
To focus on the little things to get me through each day
To focus on the positives in every single day
Why can't I just stop
Stop worrying about how I'm meant to do this because the pain and sadness doesn't stop
I wish I didn't feel so strongly
The emotions I carry weigh me down so intensely
I don't want this to be who I am or how I am
But it's the only way I've ever known how to be
Countless years of trying to brake this cycle just to function
To not feel so alone
To be happy
To be able to feel free of what I escaped from
To stand proud of who I am and that I'm here today
Three years ago in September, I tried to take my life. My self worth, value and my identity was in the hands of someone else. They wanted their cake and to eat it too, and it literally destroyed me.
3 years on, I'm still struggling to put back the pieces. 3 years on I'm stuck in limbo while life carries on around me.
I'm trying daily to break the patterns and redefine myself. But daily I am struggling.
