You don't text me for months and months

Then suddenly you have the nerve to say "Hey how are you?"

Then I don't hear a word from you for a full week, and suddenly my phone buzzes once again with a message from you.

Apparently you miss me.

That doesn't even make sense, I'm not the type people miss.
Why are you doing this to me? Telling me I used to make you nervous when I sat near you, saying you were too scared to even make eye contact with me, and I throw my phone at the couch because you need to stop this. It's not fair. Stop doing this to me.

To me, fear is the epitome of her,
Icy cold, blistering, scorching hot.
Indecisiveness, living in a
Nightmare.
Her hand, from which supported me
As I wobbled on my two feet,
That carried me when the world
Was out to get me.

Ironic,
How is has become a weapon,
Along with her mouth,
And I feel like dying...
Every second you are here,
Every sight of you makes me heart
Beat faster.
And I try not to think but I still think I cannot help it.

And the words that come out are from my deepest fears
"*******! Get lost you *******!
Get out and never come back! *******! You pig, you monster..."
And people will think I'm exaggerating, that it's no big deal.
But it is.
And I spend my nights wishing I could die,
Or at least sink into the ground, be buried alive.
Oh I bet she wouldn't notice anyway.

As now I sit in my locked bedroom,
Its half past 1am.
I want to be a filial daughter, return everything
Back to you.
I imagine that would be fun.
For me at least. But for now
I rejoice, I won't be yours anymore.

And this poem, I will
Keep secret, for fear
Of discovery.
For once, you won't own everything.

"oh really, you write poetry? you don't look like you would"
"so what exactly does a person who expresses thoughts through writing look like?"
"no it's just that you are so manly and stuff"
"hmm...what makes me so manly? the way i dress?"
"that and you play sports"
"so let me get this straight, because i dress in boyish clothes and choose to stay fit through structured physical exercise i must be manly and also incapable of having the intellectual and spiritual ability to express my deepest thoughts into beautifully written relatable words?"
"i...umm...i didn't.."
"yes you did. before you judge someone at least make sure you know them. i may seem one way but trust me there are many layers to my being that you can't even imagine. i don't blame you for your ignorance because you are unaware that you even are, but next time you don't have an excuse"