"Where's the *** gone?"

"I've got a jar of dirt!"

"So you are all going to fight them, and you are all going to fight them all on the account of him wanting to **** him?"

"Jack. Where's Elizabeth."
"She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for it just like you promised. So we're all men of our word, really... except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman."

"The lies I told you were not lies"
"You lied to me by telling me the truth?"
"Yes"
"That's good, can I use that?"

"You know when you are standing in a high place and suddenly have the urge to jump?
…I don't have it"

"And that was without even a single drop of ***."

"You have a cruel mind, Jack Sparrow."
"Cruel is a matter of perspective"

"You know, for all that pirates are clever clogs, we are an unimaginative lot when it comes to naming things."

"Aye, the original plan was to use nine pieces of eight to bind Calypso, but when the first court met the Brethren were, to a one, skint broke."
"So change the name!"
"To what? "Nine pieces of whatever we happened to have in our pockets at the time?" Oh yes, that's very piratey!"

People talking in movie shows
People smoking in bed
People voting republican
Give them a boot to the head

Mechanics who can't fix a car
Politicians who can't think
The salesman who wont leave me alone
The waiter who forgot my drink

BOOT TO THE HEAD
Na na
BOOT TO THE HEAD
Na na
**BOOT
TO
THE
HEAD!

9 million terrorist in the world and I have to **** the one with feet smaller then my sister's

you should've heard your brother squeal when I broke his neck!

"I thought you guys only ate donuts"
"They're for my wife"
'Uh huh"
"She is pregnant"
"Uh huh"

And finally

Yippie ki-yay mothetrucker!!
(For those of you who have explicit writings off)

“I'd love to tell you I had some deep revelation on my way down, that I came to terms with my own mortality, laughed in the face of death, et cetera.
The truth? My only thought was: Aaaaggghhhh!”

“I could have killed you.”
“Or I could have killed you,”
he shrugged. “If there’d been an ocean in Kansas, maybe.”
“I don’t need an ocean—”
“Boys,” she interrupted, “I’m sure you both would’ve been wonderful at killing each other. But right now, you need some rest.”

"My fatal flaw. That's what the Sirens showed me. My fatal flaw is hubris."
"The brown stuff they spread on veggie sandwiches?"
"No, Seaweed Brain. That's HUMMUS. hubris is worse."
"What could be worse than hummus?"

"How did you die?"
"We er... drowned in a bathtub."
"All three of you?"
"It was a big bathtub."

**Best chapter names:

I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher
2.Three Old Ladies Knit the Socks of Death
3.Grover Unexpectedly Loses his Pants
4.My Mother Teaches Me Bullfighting
6.I Become Supreme Lord of the Bathroom
7.My Dinner Goes Up in Smoke
10.I Ruin a Perfectly Good Bus
12.We Get Advice from a Poodle
16.We Take a Zebra to Vegas
17.We Shop for Water Beds

“If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.”

“If I ever meet myself, I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what'***** me.”

“I'm up to here with cool, okay? I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.”

"He (Zaphod) then had another quick one (drink) to follow the first one down and check that it was all right. [...] sent a third drink down to see why the second one hadn't yet reported on the condition of the first. [...] He poured a drink down his other throat with the plan it would head the other one off at the pass, join forces with it, and together they would get the second to pull itself together, give it a good talking to and maybe a bit of a sing as well. He felt uncertain as to whether the fourth drink had understood all that, so he sent down a fifth drink to explain the plan more fully and a sixth for moral support."

How to fly:
Step one- get up on a cliff
Step two- jump off said cliff
Step three- forget to hit the ground

Chonny: -in car- Hey, dad?
Dad: What?
Chonny: Which way to the doctors again?
Dad: You have to turn left here and then go straight. Okay, hey what you do at doctor anyway? You sick? Eat some panadol then.
Chonny: Oh no no, I'm going there for a blood test 'cause I wanna find out what blood type I am.
Dad: Oh, ok. Is this what you do in your spare time?
Chonny: It's kinda for my work.
Dad: It's kinda... gay.
Dad: Hey boy. How's school?
Chonny: Oh, not that good... um... I get bullied at school...
Dad: Who cares? I just want to know the result from your report card!
Chonny: Oh uh uh they're pretty good, I got a A+ in math.
Dad: Mm. That's okay. 7 times 7!
Chonny: 49!
Dad: Mm. That's okay.
Chonny: I got a A+ in Chemistry.
Dad: Mm, that's good, make me the drug.
Chonny: A+ in Physics.
Dad: Mm. That's okay, you could have done better.
Dad: What about the English?
Chonny: Uh.. I got uh....
Dad: What about the ENGLISH?
Chonny: I got a... I got a...
Dad: WHAT ABOUT THE ENGLISH?!
Chonny: I got a... B, B+.
Dad: B+?! WHA, WHA, B PLUS?!?
Mom: B PLUS?!
Dad: B PLUS AGAIN?! That's it. Too late. No more chance. You die.
Chonny: WHAT?! Why?
Dad: You die, ok? When we get home, I'm gonna go to the backyard, okay, get my butcher knife, chop the branch, chop the stick from the tree, very long one, and I'm gonna have to whip a *****, I'm gonna have to whip you! I'm gonna have to whip you!
Chonny: NO! No, sorry dad! I'm sorry!
Dad: Sorry is not an excuse, okay. Just listen to my lecture, listen, listen carefully.
Chonny: -sniffs-
Dad: Ok. A, it stand for the good job. Ok. A stand for the good job, you have to get A. It stand for the good job. A stand for: A doctor. A lawyer. A dentist. Ok? All the good job.
Chonny: Then that means A can stand for a garbage man.
Dad: Garbage man? Ga- garbage man?! GARBAGE MAN START WITH A G! NO WONDER YOU FAIL THE ENGLISH! YOU CAN'T EVEN SPELL DA GARBAGE MAN! Just get out of my car, ok. We already at the doctor. Just get out.
Chonny: -gets out of car-
Dad: Garbage... ugh. Garbage man start with a G. Even I know that and I can't even spell garbage.

30 Minutes Later

Chonny: -gets back into car-
Dad: So how was it? Your blood all good?
Chonny: Yeah, yeah, it was all good.
Dad: So what the result? What blood type are you?
Chonny: Um, my blood type is B positive.
Dad: B positive? B PLUS?! B PLUS AGAIN?!?

Ask
A
Fish
Head
A-
ny-
thing
You want to
They
Wont
An-
swer
They
Can't
Talk!

Fish heads, fish heads
Rolley polley fish heads
Fish heads fish heads
Eat them up
Yum!

They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
They're taking the hobbits to isengard!
THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD TO ISENGARD