I never thought I'd be here
In front of this giant among men
As you tell me that you've struggled
And there's a light at the end

I never thought I'd be here
Sitting by your desk
As I confess that I'm not happy
And am wishing for the end

And I never thought I'd be here
As you tell me to hold on
I never thought I'd be here
But I'm already gone

The good can never stay
And the bad refuses to go
Your clothes aren't fitting right
And your spring skies only bring you snow

Your hands are numb,
to match your heart
And poison words
From your lips departs

Are these butterflies? Or nausea?
The two seem so alike
I'm puking up my feelings for you
But you turn around to fight

No comfort to be found here
No lingering embrace
All that's left's an empty soul
To match a nameless face

I understand life comes in waves
And I'm beginning to think
I need to hold onto the things that save
And let go of those that make me sink

Your binoculars are cracked
You've lost your sense of sight
Alone in the dark
You're filled with utter fright

Your targets been missed
And there's no where to go
Your binoculars are cracked
And now you've nothing to show

Your binoculars are cracked
The only way to see
But you're so far in the future
You forget to stop and be

Your hindsights 20/20
And now you realize
Your binoculars are cracked
But you have perfectly working eyes

I wish there was more I could say to make you understand
The demons are inside of us, walking hand in hand

And when the nights come, when I cry myself to sleep
I tell myself it's your demons, that make you say those things

But the truth that I'm to afraid to find,
The truth that hides within your mind

Is it from your demons you wish to be free
Or are you tired of something else, something more like me?

Our demons don't play well together, at least not anymore
So perhaps we should say goodbye and open up new doors

I spent a lot of time missing you today. That one song came on that always makes me think of you. And I can't help but wonder if you're proud of me. I missed you more today than I think I have in thirteen years. I wondered if we'd be on this trip if you were here. I wonder if I'd yell at you for using all my stuff. I wonder if you'd cry on my shoulder when the boy at school doesn't love you back. I wonder if you'd roll down the windows with me and sing your heart out. I wonder if you'd look up to me or if you'd learn from my mistakes. I have a lot of thoughts on my mind tonight. Most about you. And I wonder if we'd go out together. I wonder if you'd have a crush on that boy in our church and I wonder if you'd be begging to wear makeup like I was. I wonder if you'd look like me and mom. I wonder a lot. I hope you know that I spend a lot of time thinking about you. And a lot of my decisions factor whether or not they will get me closer to meeting you.

I had a dream just the other day, that you were happy.
Happy like you were in July. Happy like you were when we were with each other.
And in the blink of an eye the world changed and you weren't happy anymore.
You pulled away. You said hurtful things and I couldn't believe you had changed so much.
To me it seemed like an instant change, and then I began to wonder how long those dark feelings had been working within you.
How long had you been fighting to stay happy and stay alive?
And what made you let them win. I don't know when the change came. I don't even know why.
But I know that it did. And I hope you find all that you want out of your life.
I dreamt about your happiness. If that doesn't make you believe I love you then I don't know what will