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i can recall the
day
hour
very moment
that i fell for You

getting into the car
you nervously looked
at me with those beautiful
brown eyes, and
smiled; so sweetly

we drove to the cheapest
motel we could find

it had a lobby the smelled
of curry and
saffron. the balding indian owner
and his wife checked us in

i remember thinking the room
as peculiar as our situation.
it had a sink, both inside and
outside of the bathroom
green and red carpet and
stilted queen beds

it smelled of
cigarettes and someone
had punched a hole
through the bathroom
door
(since patched)

after the ******* and
showers had reached their
inevitable end there was just
us

months of wanting you
had finally come to fruition

and it was the singular moment

of just the way you fit so
dynamically into the curves
of my form and laid your
head upon my chest

the struggle of
being Together

the love you held for me in your eyes
and the abject terror
of thinking of your leaving

it was then that i knew
and sighed
because i knew what
all of that
foreshadows

like wave,
or coruscating crystal
it all came crashing
Together

such resounding clarity.

i knew i loved you,
and my sigh was more
towards my not being able
to lie to myself about it

you had to leave
shortly after

alone,
with beer,
and bad motel television
i stayed awake

i still love you.
Helios Alatza Jan 30
be kind to me
and gentle of
spirit.

always look at me
with love in
your eyes,
you beautiful,
ephemeral creature.

always seek comfort
in me
and do not become
upset
when I need
the same.

i said
"i do not know what i
did in a past life; to
deserve such
tenderness"

Please,
continue to educate
me.

and if one day we
find one another's
words
harshly-spoken;
then i hope it
be for the better of "us"

i dare to dream of
a future, and
the aspect of growing
into respectable souls;
lauded by the young.

i want the safety
and security
that those beautiful eyes
portend.

i want your
passion and,
responsibility.

i want to be Loved, deeply
and our lives to be
lived in shrine of reverence
of knowing we would never
endanger that most holy
of consecrated grounds.

i want to think of you
whilst i toil to provide
and have those
most affectionate
lips on mine.

i want to listen to Tartini
in the autumn,
when the leaves turn and
our skin changes from
supple and yearning
to
soft and,
thin.

more-so than all;
i want you,
and in-so longing for you
want you to want
these same simple things.
Helios Alatza Nov 2019
i do not Love you any more.

although i did once.

fiercly.

and, i find it humorous
that this is how things
should be.

i do not Love you any more.
and, this will be the last
that i will ever Write
about you.

i do not Love you any more,
because i cannot
remember
what loving you was like.

i do not Care what
odd number of
other men come to
visit your doorstep.

or love you
or you them.

i do not Love you any more,
because where once was
Chopin
and his etudes
now
there is Prokofiev.

i do not Love you any more,
because i am in love with
another;
and she portends
a future.

i do not Love you any more,
because before now
i am not sure i knew
what love was.

not really.

and maybe that's
all the more sad.
Helios Alatza Nov 2019
she is fire!

she smolders and ponders
and consumes me, unthinking.

such a complex burn.

it rages on the outside,
keeping me warm
and sending delicate tendrils
into the aether.
red and orange wisps
that wound and remind.

it blazes on the inside.
cascading, rolling, volcanic
laughter
and
self-immolation.

and i,
this clumsy, arrogant
wooden toy soldier
will happily
and without consternation
fuel this fire
with pieces of himself.

i will feed each
delicate thought
both untouched
and untamed.

burn from yourself
the past
and make for us
a new day !

oh unique purity!

oh scorched Terra!

you chase tempestuous thought
from stormy mind.

and in return
i will keep
your cast shadows at bay,

and list them by name
so that i may know them all

intimately.
Helios Alatza Nov 2019
i am a man in love!

and oh what magnitude!

what vainglory!

what violence!

what brightness!

this love is a journey through
the harsh black sea.
still, reflected motes
of moribund starlight.

it is a chamber without air
and sharp grasses.

it is war and thunder!

it is two bodies,
entwined,
altogether ruined
by sweetness.

and so kiss by kiss
i seek infinity.
to cloak you
in that same night sky.

your kingdom
in all of it's rivers
and tiny villages.
streams that sing
of narrow valleys
and blood colored carnation.

my love!

we have found one another!

you found me thirsty,
having drank the wine
and honeyed milks
and bitter spirits.

i found you wounded,
your world taking
small pieces
and giving nothing.

together we are healing and quenched.

your body
slick with sweat
wedged into mine
is finality.

these sinews and tendon
wrapped into mine, and
i cannot tell where i end
and you begin.

it is nights like this,
when you aren't here that
you emerge from the shadows
and swallow
everything.

like time,
or horizon
or infinite
or the sea.

everything.

everything.

and, on our ship
made of flowers
we are mad
and drunk
and i am a man in love.
Helios Alatza Nov 2019
i am so many things.

but this is so you may hear me.

sometimes,
my words are thin.
delicate, and wan, and
meager.

and i watch these words
drift to you
like jasmine perfumed
mediterranean breeze,
or flotsam
across a ships bow.

and sometimes they clamor,
and climb,
and strangle me,
like clumsy ivy
and nest in the base
of my mind.

yet they're Never
enough.

but still, i tax them.
the arduous and vexing,
the demanding and stressful
ever insufficient vocabulary.

your love is wine, spilled.
it stains me and
permeates the soil.
and if that wine
be mine own blood
then that love is my sword.

it stains me.

it stains me.

and sometimes you will hear
words that are not Mine.

cruel and jealous.

spiteful and poor.

and in these moments
you will wear my verses,
like a talisman against them.
Helios Alatza Oct 2019
this is about a woman.

how does one even put into words
the sense of it all ?

she was the song upon hearing
that changes one's life.

her smiles breaks your Heart
not from sadness;
but the ice that held it together in
permafrost had melted.

and she shines !

she floats around the house
and
my heart,
speaking of nothing
and meaning Everything

she was here.

her scent lingers on it all
and my heart is stained.
pieces of her float in the air
like Dandelion into my coffee
and soul

i traced her form and
buried my face into her hair
while we were complete
and i knew what Home was

she can alleviate the world's hurt
when she strides atop you and holds yours face.
her hair is sand on a hot beach
and it cascades down, burning
but there-in lies safety.

and her eyes
sparkle
when she looks into yours.
they're emerald seas just off the shore
when you can see the sand through
the water.

and she's hungry
and impatient
she wants the future and your love
and fiercely buries herself into your chest.

her skin is kissed by the Sun
warm velvet and tender hands
and yearning curves
and traces of myself.

she takes pieces of me
and carries them with her
when she leaves.
she carries them in the quiet places,
close to her heart.

and i give them freely
these little pieces
but they make her shine
and i could Live
off that love
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