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pluie d'été Jan 2014
intermittent
clouds
falling
drifting away
their shadows
leaving echoes
on our skin

snatched
by the rain
stolen by the sun
the cool breeze
caresses your cheek
an apology
from the sea

tears
stinging
behind closed eyelids
I feel my heart
hesitate
beside
your heart
racing
pluie d'été Jan 2014
There were dreams
That fell like the leaves
In the Fall

Brightly coloured
Beautiful
Dead
And dying dreams

It was tragic, hopeless
And graceful
All at once
Its beauty
Scarred
The still Earth
pluie d'été Mar 2014
i shouldn't still miss you
i shouldn't still have
this ache
in my soul
i shouldn't still love you
so much
the way i always did
but i still do
pluie d'été Mar 2014
Don't tell me that you're scared
When you have been so brave
All along

Frightening
Terrifying
Black and white
Photographs
And words

Collide
With  my thoughts
Collide
With my feelings
Make me stop believing
In everything

It's more difficult
To live this way
It's easier
To live this way

Is it okay
To believe in a lie
If it's true
pluie d'été Jan 2014
i have nothing
left to say

i write these words
scrawled across
the paling sky

a tear drop
from a god
falls upon my cheek

kissing me
saving me
with sadness
it allows me to walk
away

the sound of thunder
applauding
my sad smile
will be the last thing
you see of me
cracking your sky

if one can stop
loving
then i think
i just have
pluie d'été Mar 2014
i feel his weight over me
heavy
smothering

his hands roaming
moving
smoke in his hair
kissing my neck

i think of you

see him smiling
drunk
across the room
reddened eyes
watching
waiting for me

i think of you

his hands
holding my wrist
tightly
wanting
whispered slurs
'just one night'
he says

i think of you
pluie d'été Feb 2014
It's not enough
Lying beneath you
Watching the clouds move
And the sun becoming conquered
By darkness

You demand the things
Stars being flung into the silky sky
I long to give
Beating in your fist
Beneath your roving hand
It's not enough

Being yours
With your hands brushing away the hem of my dress
Absent eyes begging for an absent soul
Whispers that are perfect lies
Warm murmurs against my neck
The rising sun
It's not enough
pluie d'été Feb 2014
it is too dark
for me to say anything
but the words you want me to
pluie d'été Apr 2014
it's hard to breathe
for her

the pen in her hand
is leaking
staining her fingertips
deep blue
becoming smeared
across the empty
page

the scratches
aren't forming
words
or even letters

and her tears
are becoming sobs
until she has to hold her mouth shut
with one hand
and her eyes
closed
with the others

blue
of her soul
a part of the ocean
mixing with the words
she wants to say
painting her
the way he did
in the stillness

glass jars
breaking
at her feet
with one sweep
dried flowers
run
with water
racing towards
the door
that will be shut
forever
pluie d'été Dec 2014
It's never okay to say
Something
After you
Is it?

You let your words
Run out of you
Painted navy
And black
With some ignorance
Taint the clarity
Of oxygen

Cutting our lungs
When we try to breathe

When I say
It's not okay
You crowd me
Trying to force my ideas to surrender
Tortured by claustrophobia

Your Hate is a blanket
It's not the same
But I should let you
Get away with it
Shouldn't I?

It doesn't feel okay
My conscience gasps
And shudders
With what is left
Of my soul

But it has to be
pluie d'été Apr 2014
he is my thoughts
and he knows my thoughts
better than i do

i'm in love with the words
he says
and the silence
between us

its not you
or me
its only him..
pluie d'été Mar 2014
Your name
Is still the only one
That I murmur
With my eyes closed

Your face
Is still the only one
That I see

Tell me
I don't love you
Please
pluie d'été Apr 2014
it would be easier
if i had one favourite colour
but i don't
i have seven

it would be easier
if i could put
mixed flowers
and colours
in my house
but i can't
i only want one type
at a time

it would be easier
if i had a favourite
type of tea
but i like them most
at different times

it would be easier
if i could finish
more than a glass of wine
before my head
starts to become fuzzy
but i can barely drink half
i hope it's just the size of the glass

it would be easier
if what i said
were always true
and my mind
would never change
but it always does
leaving a messy pile
of what looks like masks
and broken hearts
behind me

it would be easier
if i could fall in love
with more than just him
but i can't
unless you count the sky
and the ocean

it would be easier
if i could concentrate
through a whole film
or listen to exactly
what you're saying
when you're gossiping
but the night sky in the window
and that crack
in the wall behind you
looks so much more interesting

it would be easier
if i was okay
when you mixed my foods
and if i couldn't imagine
the dna of ones' past
conciousness
staining my pots and pans
but i'm not
and i always do
pluie d'été Apr 2014
Come listen to the song i wrote for you
The one with no music

It doesn't rhyme
At all
Until it gets to the part where we fall
And there's no repetition

Words that come tumbling
Over and
Over
Again
Like a chorus
Are the same
With different definitions
And you can't tell
Because you only look at the dictionary
Once
Thinking its enough

Its not
There are a thousand definitions
Words that
Keep changing
And if they can
Then so can I

Listen to the song again
Slower
And hear the whisper
'Don't stay'
Add the please
Replace the don't

I want you to leave
pluie d'été Apr 2014
i was the lie
you would whisper
to the night
the fairytale
you would tell the storm
as it crashed into the sea

i was the prediction
you made
with a joint
in your calloused fingers
inhale
a punch to the chest
exhale
sleepy eyes
and words
so soft
that the roots dug deeper
just to hear

i was the poem
you murmured
to your lover
stamps of red lipstick
on the curve of your jawline
as you memorized the outline
she made
underneath the twisted sheets

i was the story you told
to make him feel fear
to make her feel braver
to make him jump
to make her land
and the wind
lose hope
in mankind

i was the legend
you screamed
at the men
slamming spears
into their shields
(little did they know
it was
the sound of their heart beat
that was so loud
little did they know
in just a short while
after the end
it would go)

i was the song
you sung
about the girl with the green eyes
to the girl with the brown eyes
tainted
so strongly with dishonesty
that a star
fell
(she made a wish on it
but it wasn't for you)

i was the word
you swore had no definition
until it fell on your lap
white
and breaking
like the sea

i was the letter
saying good bye
john
i couldn't...
(she didn't)

i was the phone call
in the evening
breaking a heart
making reality
take a man
away
from the shadows of the trees

and i'm not even sorry
pluie d'été May 2014
if i thought
the world was better
if i thought
life was easier
if i thought
death was further
if i thought
love was painless
if i thought
all lies were the truth
if i thought
you were the One
if i thought
you were still here
if i thought
nothing of fear
if i thought
bravery was an asset
if i thought
books were books
and not air
if i thought
you still missed me
if i thought
everything
was only what you think
everything
is
if i thought
i was just a fancy
graze
like everyone else
if i thought
the sea
was an ocean
and not my love
and that the moon
was only a planet

i wouldn't be
writing
poetry
pluie d'été Feb 2014
I don't finish reading
The nicest poems

The spaces in my mind
Empty
Become so beautiful
With so few words

If I were to finish
Each line
I would lose my heart
My soul
And my mind

I'd rather be left
Hanging
Than falling
With a real ending
pluie d'été Apr 2014
i write letters to you
sometimes
with the stars
do you see?

i write letters to you
in the winter
with the trees
bared of their leaves
brown-black
against the white sky
do you see?

i write letters to you
ink against my skin
a tattoo against the curve of my neck
do you see?

i write letters to you
in every poem
there is at least a line
that is meant
for only you
do you see?

i write letters to you
and keep them in crumbling
books
on dusty shelves
mixing
with someone else's words
do you see?

i write letters to you
in books bound
by synthetic leather
shoved in the second drawer
beneath my mirror
do you see?

i write letters to you
and i leave them
in their envelopes
to be mailed into the fire
do you see?

i want you to read all of these parts
of me
with ash
graying
your calloused fingers
pluie d'été Feb 2014
i once wrote you a letter
across the sky
in the wind
above trees
over you

i wrote in it
with my whispers
that i loved you
the way
the clouds loved the monsoon
making them fall away
a shattering
separation

you watched my smile
as you took my soul away
for a moment
the letter
hanging in the spaces
between our careless
fingers
being held against the sky

you measured your hand
against my own
kissing my fingertips
at the center of your own

couldn't i take away
the words
scarring your wrists
and weighing down your eyes
the way i wanted to
with words
and listening

i let you fall away
when you left
and now i can't say
words that sound
like an apology
hanging at the end of the letter
over me
underneath you
in the sky
J
pluie d'été Jan 2015
J
there is a poem i started
with the first letter of your name
it's not very long

the only word worth seeing
and poem worth hearing
is your name
pluie d'été Mar 2014
capture my fingers
between yours

the cold doesn't feel
so bad
and the sky
is not so grey

whisper to me
your words
rhyming with the wind
music
to the ocean
poetry
to my heart

whisper
to me,
my sunlight
you keep me warm  and brave
pluie d'été Jul 2014
you fold my heart
in your palm
like the paper
you press
to your lips

you make the words
you whisper
into the curve of my neck
become butterflies
across my skin

and you draw
masterpieces
with your eyes

kiss me

i've seen the way
you tear
pages
when you're done
pluie d'été Apr 2014
how can something
as delicate as lace
be so rough
in his hands?
pluie d'été Apr 2014
i would rather
you **** me
than make love to me
it has to hurt
less
pluie d'été Jun 2014
she watches the boy
with green eyes
nursing his drink
sadness
meeting peace
when he looks up

a cigarette smoldering
between his *******
and the one he uses
when he wants to say
he's okay

god
he slurs

and you're not sure
and he's not sure
if he's talking to his reflection
in the mirror
behind you
or if he's
trying to reach an empty
grey sky

pour him
some more
burning gold
steady his hand
when he raises
the glass
with the imprint
of his silent lips
and smile
without
expecting him to give you one

god
he says again
i'm ******

and you deduce
that he must
be talking to the sky
beyond this ceiling
weighed down
with mood lighting
capturing the shadows
of lovers
becoming friends
and friends becoming lovers

aren't we all?

he smiles
finally
sardonically
wisely
he's given in
to the ignorance
he supposes
you have

let's go home.

the
emptiness
in his weighted touch
at the small of your back
shatters
like the glass
that falls
from his hand
pluie d'été Jun 2014
words
move like a memory
of golden light
reflecting off
a silver mirror
and falling across
white roses

petals
break off
and land scattered
on the words
strung together
with an angry
line
over
and over
until you can only make out
the tops
of the letters like
l k h f and t
the bottoms
of the letters like
y and g
and the dot
hovering over
the i

the recurring
full stops
commas
in strange places
frequently

if it were
a line
on life
that was touched
by the light
the feather-touch
of crumbling
rose petals
what would the stabbing
line
crossing through
mean?
pluie d'été Mar 2014
i drown in despair
my hand in yours

i feel your pulse
against my skin
like a starting gun

i need to run away
pluie d'été Feb 2014
A feeling settles over
My cool skin
A shadow of the trees
Flicker in the moonlight
Your footsteps
Approaching
Walking away
With a few moments
In between

This is not the sadness
I long for
Echoed in the night
By the stir of a feather
Or the falling
Of a leaf

I hold the gun
Cool and weighted
In my hands
Feeling it shake
Uncontrollably
I watch the moon rise
My body swaying
Press the gun
To the place you pressed your lips
When you whispered
That I needed
To take it all away

I pull it back
Hear the spin
And the click
A sound
To slow
For me to catch
pluie d'été Apr 2014
i make a list about you
when ever i'm
unsure

it's designed
to make me
see
it's designed
to make me
love you less

but all i do
is fall
and love you more
pluie d'été Sep 2014
kiss my wrist
the way you're used
to

and tell me the secrets
all the girls
know

watch my
eyes
the beautiful ones
you say
watching you

and smile
when they melt
into rain
as our fingers

slip through
to the cold air
and make it all grey
again
instead of
the undefineable
expanse
i was drowning in

but first
kiss me again
before you go
because
I love
to feel

lonely
with you
pluie d'été May 2014
there are moths
trapped behind
the cheap plastic screens
of the atm

attracted by the light
to their demise
i watch them
swollen
crumbling
as i fill in numbers
insignificant
compared to their lives
lost
pluie d'été May 2014
You tell me
That you are tired
Of love poems
Bruising your eyes
Making you long
For something
Unfathomable

Yet you still look
At yourself
In the mirror
pluie d'été Apr 2014
i keep all of my memories
and secrets
of you
in a faceted
shattered
glass vessel
held close
to my falling heart

i dare not tell anyone
i dare not write them down
but they're slipping away
merging with my dreams
and i don't know
what i can do
to make them stay
pluie d'été Apr 2014
what makes my love
so unutterable
and your want
so un-doable?
pluie d'été Mar 2014
it's not enough
for me
to do anything but love you

i don't trust myself
the way you think i should
because i don't make sense
even though
you swear
i make sense to you
pluie d'été May 2014
i wander
through the glades
in the evening
the darkness
my guide
stars making maps
with the heavy trails
of your lies
pluie d'été Mar 2014
he moves his fingertips
around the rim
of the brown
glass bottle
waiting for it to sing
to him
the way she always used to

a genie
inhaling the scent
of chemistry
bonds formed
breaking
like his heart and soul
to hers

he presses a crumbling
cigarette
to his lips
takes a drag
holds his wrist in his hand
wishing it would stop trembling
why won't the world would stop shaking

smoke
stings his reddening gaze
and reminds him of the tea leaves
swirling
resting at the bottom of the broken tea cup
why won't you stay
he had asked her
again
and again
but she had left still
and he can still hear
her retreating footsteps
late at night
early in the morning
just about noon

the door slams
and he looks up in anticipation
mary rose?
pluie d'été Mar 2014
hands
trembling

fingers
tracing over the scars
of the tree

engraved
by the metal
once warm
from his hands
a K
an A

the flower
given
hasn't bloomed since
in the shade
of that memory tree
but it's still alive
green

it's life
lasted longer
than their love

a heart
i'm sorry
memory tree
for scarring you
with a lie
pluie d'été Apr 2014
i told my friend that
i would rather miss everything
with everything inside of me

but i wish i would stop missing him
just a little bit
every time i cried
pluie d'été Feb 2014
There were things in the summer
that reminded me of you
But it was mostly in the winter
that I missed you
pluie d'été May 2014
you say
that you can't believe
how much more beautiful
i have become
and i can't help
but wonder
if this is why
you miss me
now
pluie d'été Jan 2015
"Are you tired of me?"

the train passes, and the windows rattle against their frames
the silence it leaves is deafening

she doesn't know if he heard her question or not
he turns the page of the newspaper without looking up
his hair still damp from the shower he took and the white sunlight
warms the accents of his skin

"Love?"

his phone rings beside him, and he holds up a finger

"Hello?"

he gets up, slides the patio door shut behind him

the sweater he is wearing is the same colour
of the sky the day
they had their first kiss

it is juxtaposed
against the grey clouds

she moves from the door way
puts the kettle on

nausea
her hands tremble as she rests them
on the cold counter

the counter is holding her up

she can hear his voice
she misses it
she can hear it
she still misses it

the door slides
and squeaks
he promised to fix it
a week ago

she keeps her back to him
reaches for the tea ***
the loose leaves

she hears him sit down

she stops

the newspaper rustles

she closes her eyes

the clock ticks

her heart beats

he coughs

her heart stops

the kettle whistles on the stove
she waits

he gets up
and turns off the gas

"Weren't you going to get that?"

she moves away
the  sliding door open and closes
complains once
twice

the air is icy against her skin

she looks behind her

he is sitting down
again
pluie d'été May 2014
There was a girl
Who used to
Think that you were
The moon
And she would bow down
At your feet

She found out
That you were
Really
A star
That had disappeared
Centuries
Ago
pluie d'été Jul 2014
the pale moths
silver and egg-shell blue
fall lilac
across the dusty
wooden floors
in the abandoned buildings
lining
7th avenue

they all fall
every night
just before
the scattered pages
that drift across
the room
like sail boats
in summer
on the waves
of the spring breeze

their eyes
the ones that long for the sun
but are open
at the wrong hour
always see
the black swirls
that run into each other

just before
their wings
stop to fly

and their souls
scream
in the heart of the crickets
hiding in the lawn
ignited by the fireflies

they just want to know
what those letters mean
pluie d'été Apr 2014
I usually write
To breathe
But I can’t
Anymore

Do I need a muse
A man
Who makes me
Swoon
With heady phrases
And kisses
Imprinted
Against my wrist
Or a brilliant
Thunderstorm
That sweeps against me
Like a monsoon
Or a flower
Whose petals
Are breaking
Apart
And blowing in the wind
Or a sadness
Devastating
Like winter

Words
I miss you
pluie d'été Mar 2014
trace
the emptiness of my skin
constellations
connected to the changing
ocean in my eyes
it looks away

roam
your calm eyes
over me
my still form
moving in happiness
when i am sad
see the rain
in my eyes
the way it looks away

twirl
a strand of my hair
in between your finger tips
whisper
to me
of it's silkiness
i will pretend nothing
a storm in my eyes
looking away

taste
my lips against yours
seasoned
by the cool setting sun of autumn
my eyes
ignited gold
my the rays
look away

do you notice
my eyes
after you tell me
over and over
how beautiful
they are
pluie d'été Jul 2014
you keep saying
that the colour
of loneliness
is blue

and that the opposite
must be orange

if this is true
i want to be
lonely forever
with you

because blue
darling
is my favourite colour
pluie d'été Jul 2014
shut eyes
knuckles
scraped
and white

greyness
and the  mist
of a fine
rain

your cool fingers
as you
apologize
cupping
my chin

a hand
against my heart

numb
and listless
my fingers
have no
way
of identifying me

my imprint
on your soul
is only ink
dark
leaking

fading
eventually

hide you anger
share
your anger
kiss me
the way you do
when you need to forget

hold my head
under
floating rose petals

burn
me
with your
scalding words
as i pretend
to hear

my heart
screams
for me to stop

my heart
my heart

touch me again
and i will have none
pluie d'été Jan 2014
it's all gone
already
a grain of sand
a thousand
slipping down
the invisible curve

your fingers rest
on the cool glass
the way they once did
on my waist

and you wonder
the way you did
the day my heart
ceased
being away
how the trees
are still locked in the paper
how the stars
dead
and dying
shine
with the same intensity

you wonder
if the leaves
the one that you wonder
brushing against you cheek
will survive this winter
entwining you
already to follow
after
my shadow
pluie d'été Jun 2014
what is
your type?

they look at me
with the same smiles
conspicuously
pink
and
spent

i describe
the shoulders
of the vendor
wide
and strong
(i saw him
walking
when i drove past)

i describe the eyes
of the Stranger
(i like him
that way)
dark brown
and clear
a little bit tired
when
he said
thank you

i describe the smile
of the boy
i think i still love
sometimes
and the cocky ignorance
of the boy
with eyes
like ice

i describe the colour of skin
the way you see
any colour
in the night
(the colours
you don't need to see)

i describe the humour
of the three
who always made me laugh
and the confidence
of the one
who wasn't afraid
to just kiss me

i describe the intellegence
of the one
who can't stop reading
(he sits in the park
a thousand years old
and falling apart)

they laugh
and i smile
and i let them think
that i mean one
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