There once was a girl
Not just any ole girl (as if there's such a thing)
She danced and sang and smiled real sweet
She shouted
I have this light!
It shines real bright!
Do you see this shine?!
This light of mine?!

Her light was smothered
Her innocence lost
She hid for awhile
until her wings took flight

Then there was a teen
A sullen fine pearl
With smarts to envy
And a body out of this world
She whispered
I have this light
Squint your eyes real tight
Do you see the glimmer
This luminous shimmer?

Adolescence with a blanket of fear
and an edgy exterior
She hid for awhile
Until her wings took flight

Then there was a young woman
A **** clever sweet thing
A studious charmer
with her dreams shelved on a ring
Could have studied rocket science
or aimed for the moon
Aren't I supposed to get married?
Strike a pose at noon?

Some years later
She questioned,
Do I still have that light?
What happened to my fight?
I feel so alone
And not really fine
I need that light keeping me warm
and my spirit alive

There was no burn
No oxygen breathing new life
She died for awhile and
cried and cried
Until her wings took flight

So now there is this woman
with a mind of mush
She schedules and delivers
but forgets so much
She fights like a champ
Gets up like Sugar Ray
She swings but can't punch
Each day is a heavy weight

Forgoing her passions
she leaves her soul on the floor
Her heart hurts leaving her wounds open and sore

She sighs,
There is still a light
a tiny lil flicker
I know that it's there because
a blow becomes a flare.


Nowhere left to hide
With tots' tantrums, earning keep,endless laundry, and late fees,
She forgets to eat.

She learns to stay quiet when
they knock on the door.
Holds her breath
and sometimes cries on the floor.

YET

She laughs

*I'll hide in the bathroom
blowing quietly on the smolder
You never know
I just might ignite
That light of mine
That bright light that died
Could come back to life

i am not the girl you will fall in love with upon first sight
i am made of late nights, busy days, and a long hard past
i am not a pair of legs
i am the sum of all my thoughts
and everything i aspired to be when i was little
i am not a pair of almond-shaped eyes
i am a soft kiss on your cheek and your face nuzzled into my neck when it's 2 am and you can't handle everything
you will not fall for me upon first sight
but you will fall for me
slowly
as you get to know me
and i wouldn't have it any other way

Building walls
Impenetrable
To everyone
Except you

I allow you in
Just so you
Can tear me apart
From the inside out

I like it when you're tired
And when your thoughts and words go
Go go go
And never stop.
They're unfiltered
So I see the true you
All your crazy thoughts
Your weird plans
               We should invent an artificial sun
                               that runs on solar power!
And we act foolish
Completely immature and playful
And I get to see your crinkly-eyed smile
And hear your hushed giggles
Whenever you laugh at the silliest things
And it's truly beautiful

Have your ever stood on the edge
And wondered?
What does the Black feel like?
Is it that soft brush against your skin?
Which raises the hackles?
Or would it cling like tar
Hot and sticky
Seeping into your pores and
Down to your very soul
Solidly encasing it in stone.
What does it taste like?
Does it brush against your lips
A whisper, a kiss?
Or does it flow down your throat
Choking, clogging, no air.
And what smell would it have?
Would it be a gentle reminder
Of a distant memory, buried deep
Or would it slam into your senses
Like a wind carrying the scent
Of Long Forgotten memories
That wound the heart.
If I took that step, from the edge
Would the Black softly receive me
Or burn forever, relentlessly?
Would it gently beckon me or
Would it reach out its long bony fingers and
Seize me
With no choice?
Have you ever wondered?

I sat at a table with Death.
I ate from his plate while he
Pinched from my snus.
We were drinking, and not unamused.
He was quite a good listener; took in
Every word.
He laughed at my jokes, and my
Stories he heard
With a keeness about him,
Charisma and charm,
So far from a force of such terror
And harm?
Not once did he hint at my life or my
Soul.
He paid for my drinks and for
Every bowl of
Nachos they served as we sat
Through the night.
Laughing and sharing until
The first light.
The best of my times. As if on
My request.
Then Death sat his cup down, put
Thumb to his chest.
Belched and stood up, took his scythe
And said: "Boy,
You went as you wanted; with
Beverage and joy.
Now leave every worry, forget
Each regret.
Come home and lay down, you have
Earned right to rest.
No second of Life that you lived,
You'll forget.
I sat at a table with Death.